Saturday, August 2, 2008

Blogtastic Bacon Bits...and stuff...or whatever


Nice hair on that crew. Who's the guy drinking the beer instead of dumping it all out?



While I was sleeping...

- Griffey Jr. to the White Sox. So long slugger. It was a nice run in Cin'Nasty. And by nice I mean one of the most disappointing major free agent acquisitions in the history of organized sports. Better luck to you in the Second City.

Now if the Reds can just get rid of the human strikeout machine A.K.A. Adam Dunn, they'll have unloaded 113% of their total payroll. Sweet!

- The Columbus Dispatch's Bob Hunter speaks the truth, Ruth. He has uncovered (GASP) rumor-mongering and baseless conjecture on the internet! Say it ain't so!

Somebody predicts, based on this "inside" information, that another player will be arrested before the season. If it doesn't happen, he will go back to worrying whether a talented high school sophomore in Aliquippa, Pa., is really torn between Ohio State and Cincinnati. If it does, he will remind us that he was the one who said Maurice Clarett was headed for trouble. He won't say that he also predicted Troy Smith would never play a down for the Buckeyes.


- Also from the Dispatch, the Buckeyes were hosed against Illinois! Well, maybe. The Big Ten is now saying that the 80-yard run by the Illini RB in the opening moments of the 2007 game in the Horseshoe should have been reviewed. The Buckeyes may have gained possession on the play.

The play was of course not reviewed, and Illinois scored a TD about ten seconds later. The Buckeyes lost the game. And frankly, outside of the national title game debacles, that was as thorough a pounding as I've seen the Buckeyes defense take in years. You won't convince me for a second that Ohio State would have definitively won the game if Illinois had in fact turned the ball over early.

Coincidentally, that was the first game where we saw QB Todd Boeckman's alter ego, Crapbag. Crapbag likes to underthrow the deep ball at the most inopportune time. Crapbag better not show up in 2008 or he's going to get filleted by Buckeye Nation.

Still though, it's a real shame. After all, that was the loss that kept us out of the title game.

Oh...wait.

- Bucknut's Charles Babb pours some cold water on the statistically impressive Ohio State defenses of the last three years.

#1a – Ohio State has only lost 5 times since 2004 with records of 10-2, 12-1, and 11-2. Only USC – who they ironically face this September – can match that mark among BCS conference schools.

#1b – Ohio State has lost to the national champions in three consecutive seasons.

Texas 25 Ohio State 22 2005
Florida 41 Ohio State 14 2006
LSU 38 Ohio State 24 2007

#2a – Ohio State’s defense has been among the nation’s leaders over the last three seasons.

#2b – Ohio State’s defense has faltered in each of the last three seasons during the team’s most important games and against equally (and perhaps more) talented squads.

Allowing 25 points and a late 4th quarter score against Texas in 2005
Allowing 17 points against Penn State in 2005
Allowing 39 points against Michigan in 2006
Allowing 41 points against Florida in 2006 – and the Gators called off the dogs or they could have scored more.
Allowing 28 points against Illinois in 2007 and were unable to stop them grinding out the clock.
Allowing 38 points against LSU in the most recent national title game.
Total average allowed against top flight opponents since 2004 –31.3.

In essence, Ohio State’s primary problem appears to be one of defense.


Chucky B. isn't exactly splitting the atom here, but it bears repeating. The defense has gotten fat on shitty Big Ten offenses and then pantsed by top-level teams lately.

- Doug Worthington knows how to keep a low profile. According to the Cleveland Plain Dealer's Doug Lesmerises, the lanky defensive tackle was pushing a white 2004 Cadillac 'Slade with his jersey number on his personalized license plate. And by "pushing", I mean driving drunk in front of the Horseshoe at three in the morning.

I have not been able to confirm the rumor that Brutus was hanging out the passenger side window of Big Doug's Escalade while waving a partially consumed 40 oz. bottle of Crazy Horse and yelling, "WHERE ARE ALL THE WHITE WOMEN AT?!"

There is photo evidence of Brutus' actions but that photo was signed by the mascot and is currently sitting on the desk of the arresting officer back at the station.

6 comments:

Matthew said...

What happened to all my glorious hair?

Naplesbuckeye said...

Dude.....

Yeah OSU has let up a lot of points in the NC game but we did hold LSU to the least amount of yards all season.

We play the teams that we play. Do you suggest that we have an asterik on our defensive stats. as we play in the Big Ten?

Matthew said...

There is little pride in holding LSU down in terms of yardage when you're getting your brains beat in on the scoreboard. The Fighting Les Miles's whipped Ohio State, plain and simple.

It's just an observation. Statistically the defenses are the best in the nation, and yet over the last three years when Ohio State has suffered high profile losses, it's mainly been because the defense was not up to snuff.

It's not like we're losing these games 13-6.

Anonymous said...

Bucher might have the world's longest arms.

Anonymous said...

Can someone please explain to me the difference between "pantsed" and "depantsed"?

Matthew said...

Pantsed = "Oh my God, someone pulled my pants down to my ankles while I was standing there innocently with appropriate below-the-belt pants-type attire."

Depantsed = French language slang for "I lost that game of miniature golf at the last minute when it seemed I had it in hand."