Status quo?

An entire offseason spent badmouthing the SEC really paid off.

The 2008 season is upon us and it looks like more of the same thus far. The SEC flexed this weekend, as did USC, and everyone else looks to be a cut below (except for Mizzou).

Tennessee can put the exclamation point on the opening weekend for the Southeastern Conference tomorrow night at UCLA. And frankly, they ought to. The Bruins are starting the team equipment manager at QB after a slew of injuries. I expect the Vols to roll. The team they're facing isn't nearly as good as the one they lost to at Cal last season.

Georgia beating Georgia Southern and Florida pounding Hawai'i is nice and all, but Alabama absolutely pasting Clemson is probably the story of the weekend. Considered the best game of the opening slate by many, this was supposed to feature the class of the ACC vs. Nick Saban's still rebuilding Crimson Tide.

After watching that game, it looks like the only thing that made need rebuilding is Tommy Bowden's resume. It's never a good thing when you're coaching tenure is labeled "consistent underachiever".

Additionally, Kentucky managed to completely shut down instate rival Louisville today. That's just more chest thumping fodder for the SEC'ers. Even Vanderbilt was able to beat up Miami (OH).

The only blemish so far was Mississippi State losing to Louisiana Tech. A bottom wrung team losing to a lightweight is a mere speed bump compared to what the ACC and Big Ten experienced this weekend.

If the ACC hadn't experienced perhaps the most embarrassing three day run in conference history there might be more national discussion about the supposed weakness of the Big Ten.

Virginia Tech couldn't get past Eastern Carolina. North Carolina State put up a goose egg against South Carolina. Maryland barely got past FCS Delaware and North Carolina struggled with McNeese State. The capper was the laugher in Atlanta involving Clemson.

Did anyone else get the impression that Tommy Bowden knew his team was vastly overrated going into that game?

More on the Big Ten, Beanie, and the Trojans ahead.

The state of the State

Sorry for another hiatus. Entertaining the lads in NYC this weekend.

Back in the saddle full-time tomorrow.

In the meantime...

- Buckeyes roll. The Big Ten Network fucked me so I saw narry a play. Beanie Wells is made of glass. Time to man up dude.

- USC is rolling. I want them over-confident going into the Ohio State game.

- Michigan in a tight one with Utah. We'll see which way that goes.

- Va. Tech losing to ECU is not an upset.

'Tis the season

Yep, time to start slamming Charlie Weis again.

Critically acclaimed columnist Ian O'Conner has a great piece on Fox Sports' website today discussing Weis. It's worth a read.

My general understanding is that Weis is not quite the asshole he was a few years ago when first entering college football. That doesn't make him any less the douchebag though.

Incredibly, three years after he'd been dismissed from the program, Ty Willingham was still taking heat for the woes of Notre Dame. Let me explain this one more time for those morons that think Willingham is somehow to blame for a 3-9 season.

Notre Dame was literally one of the worst teams in the country last year. Their offense was statistically one of the worst in the country. Offense is the domain of the "genius", Charlie Weis by the way.

The WORST recruiting class Willingham ever produced was still ranked in the Top 50. So essentially what you're saying is that Charlie Weis took Top 50 talent, and turned into a team that finished the season with an offense ranked in the triple digits. Yep, sounds like Willingham's fault to me.

And again, what kind of recruiting classes do you think Navy and Air Force produce? Notre Dame lost to both.

The adorable but insane Lou Holtz stated that Notre Dame will win 10 games and maybe 11 this year. If that happens I'll eat my shoe. Maybe time to switch to extra-strength Depends Lou.

Phil Steele, who actually knows what he's talking about, has Notre Dame as the most improved team this coming season. A big reason for that is the schedule. Notre Dame according to Steele will have the most significant swing this year in terms of strength of schedule in 2007 vs. SOS in 2008.

The other reason is, can you get much worse then 3-9?

Do I think ND will be better then last year? Of course. You can't help but be better.

However, the idiots hovering around South Bend that think Notre Dame could slip into a BCS bowl this year are high. How about ANY bowl first fellas?

There are lots of reasons to look forward to another college football season. Watching Charlie Weis further fuck things up at Notre Dame is near the top of my list.

Another cautionary tail, recruiting is stupid

Yep, it's the immortal Willie Williams out of south Florida.

This idiot was the most heavily recruited defender in the country coming out of high school about five years ago. Now, he's searching for an indepedent college to play for in his last year of eligibity. Nice!

Ohio State has seen Justin Zwick and Mike D'Andrea as of late. We know how that turned out, as opposed to say, Troy Smith or A.J. Hawk.

Along those same lines, the nation watched how Willie Williams was wined and dined by Florida State, Miami, and the Gators, among other schools. In the end, he selected the hometown 'Canes.

What followed was ascension to third-string LB at Miami, then transfer to an L.A. community college, then transfer to the University of Louisville for a year (before being arrested), then transfer to Glenville State in W.V.

Now he's been declared ineligible to play there by the NCAA and is searching for the lowest of the low as far as college football teams are concerned to play for this season. The only difference between Willie Williams and Maurice Clarett is that Willie has managed to stay out of jail while Maurice has not. It's that simple.

Recruiting is an important aspect of college football. I would caution anyone to put too much stock in ANY single high school football player ever. You just never know how it will turn out.

TP

I'm not sure but I think I may have really missed the boat when it comes to Terrelle Pryor.

The recruiting of this guy was off the charts. A ridiculous waste of time and energy was spent wondering whether or not TP would pick Ohio State or someone else.

The general consensus was that if Pryor picked Michigan, the Buckeyes would be just fine. That didn't stop rabid (also spelled i-d-i-o-t) Ohio State fans from pining day and night over the every word that came out of this high school student's mouth.

From 1,000 miles away, it seems to me that he's a very talented kid, but not at all ready to run an offense in big-time college football. No one's expecting him to beat out Todd Boeckman by the way. I'm just wondering why so much attention is paid to a kid that looks to me to be taking a few snaps a game, if that much.

So now I click over to espn.com for the hell of it and sure enough, there is the young Mr. Pryor showing up seemingly for no reason at all. Right there under 'Strahan turns down Giants, stays retired', you have 'Pryor might play against Youngstown State'.

MIGHT PLAY!?

Are you fucking kidding me?

No wonder Michael Phelps was made out to be Jesus incarnate.

Here's a kid that has yet to do SQUAT in the college game and yet we need up-to-the-minute coverage on whether or not he'll play against the PENGUINS?

I suppose I'm going down the same road I did with Phelps. I have no issue with the athlete persay, I'm just wondering why in God's name we have to elevate people to 'Brett Favre-status' so quickly? Let TP show us just for a brief instant that he might some day be what we think he might before falling all over ourselves to hear what he has to say and own what he has to sign.

CALM DOWN PEOPLE.

That's all I'm saying.

The best possible scenario for the Buckeyes this season is that we see limited 'input' from Terrelle Pryor. Too much TP means one of two things. Either Todd Boeckman's not getting it done or Pryor is just that effective.

I'd love to think that the latter is possible but years and years of watching college football have taught me that true freshmen (particularly at QB) have a very hard time being effective over the course of a season.

I'm tired of the Tim Tebow references when it comes to TP. Tebow was a bit part player on a very talented football team his freshman season that happened to win the national title. Yes, there was much hype surrounding him but in hindsight no one's saying "BOY, they should have sat down Chris Leak and let Tebow run the team!"

There is a very good reason that Jim Bauserman is the second string QB on the depth chart right now. That's because he's a BETTER QB then TP right now.

Pryor will have his day, it just isn't today. We'll call on him to carry the load at some point, it's just not now. Remember that when you're watching him rumble down the field against Youngstown State in the fourth quarter with the Buckeyes up by four TD's.

Depth Chart

Brandon Saine is out with a hammy and isn't listed.

More notable is that Daniel 'Boom' Herron is ahead of Maurice Wells at #2.

That's great and all, I'm just wondering why we don't have any RB's named 'Dave' or 'Jim'? Right now it's 'Beanie', 'Boom' and 'Mo'. Sounds like the three guys that dry my car off at the Bayonne, New Jersey Auto Wash.

Let the SEC bashing begin

Yeah, that's right Cletus, we mean you.

The Columbus Dispatch's Rob Oller pretty much sums up what the rest of us are thinking these days, "Smug SEC fans should stop whining, enjoy success."

Oller describes how it's not just the Big Ten fans that are sick of the SEC and they're constant mouthing off, it's pretty much everyone not associated with the conference. The one benefit I can find to all the SEC's chest thumping is that they've now filled the role of "villain" quite nicely when it comes to college football.

Games such as Clemson-Alabama and Georgia-Arizona State (and even NC State-South Carolina) might not have had much nationale cache in the past. With the SEC winning three national titles lately and extrapolating from those three individual games that the SEC is God's gift to football, there are plenty that might not have been interested in paying attention to these contests that will now.

You're damn right. I'll be pulling for the Wolfpack on Thursday and no doubt rooting on Clemson Saturday in the Georgia Dome. There is really nothing in particular to like about NC State or Clemson. Clemson in particular is your classic underacheiver. A team with a nice name that never seems to win much of anything.

Anything that would take the wind out of the SEC's sails (even briefly) would be welcomed however. It's not a matter of respect when it comes to the SEC, everyone respects the conference in general. It's a matter of winning it all not being enough.

As I have stated previously, the ingrates down south aren't happy with winning the national title. You get fuck-wads like the President of the University of Georgia whining about another team from their own conference winning the national title after a season that saw the Bulldogs fail to win their own division. Wake up man. Win your fucking games, then complain.

Of course, everyone's thrilled that the SEC has taken the "conference superiority" debate to a whole 'nother level. As if we didn't have enough to bitch about before when it came to college football.

On the flip side, college football is arguably the second most-popular sport in the United States and is currently experiencing record revenue and ratings. That's not good enough though I guess.

Consider this the first installment in an ongoing series that will likely be ongoing for the next decade, at minimum.

KIGE SOLVES THE ENERGY CRISIS!

Check this one out. I have no idea what he's talking about. I think he's going to move Susie Orzman right out of the biz.

The satisfaction on his face at the end is worth the 20 seconds of your time though.

THE SMARTEST MAN ALIVE

Kige Ramsey drops it on you fellas!

"How to woo the ladies" from the voice of YouTube.

Carson Palmer admits major cocaine problem

Nope, unfortunately that's not the case.

That would probably be easier to handle.

No, it wasn't recreational drug use that left Carson in this state, it was the New Orleans Saints. Palmer's nose was broken while sacked late in the first half of a preseason game Saturday.

From a quick review of the stats, it looks like the rest of the team got pretty well beat up too. The Bengals dropped an impressive goose egg on the scoreboard at home against the Saints Saturday night while giving up 13 points. Nice work assholes. By all accounts this game wasn't nearly as close as 13-0 indicates.

The Bengals also let the Saints starting offense put up almost 300 yards of offense while their own couldn't muster 100. Looking good!

I suppose I was being lulled into the same old Bengals mentality that perpetuated throughout the '90's. That's basically, "They can't possibly be as bad as people say they are."

Oops.

This was the third game of the preseason, the "dress rehearsal". And while it's been well-documented that preseason games in fact are no indicator of regular season success, the Bengals have long since used up any benefit of the doubt.

So truthfully, I presumed that the Bagels wouldn't be as bad as folks thought what with Chad Johnson getting back on board and all. However, at this point it might be more healthy to assume that we're about to witness more of the same from the orange and black. And by "more of the same", I mean the Bengals of the '90's.

Fucking shitheads. Man does this garbage get old.

Fortunately the Cleveland Clowns were none too impressive in their latest effort. Misery loves company.

"Witness Gold"

There will apparently be no more "LeBronze" cat calls from King James' detractors. Whoever those people might be (other then Morgan Clark)?

The so-called "Redeem Team" got it done in China today, besting Spain for the gold medal. Well done lads.

Amazingly it's the first time the U.S. has won an international basketball competition since the 2000 Olympics. The team finished an embarrassing 6th only two years after taking the 2000 gold medal. Since then they have done no better then third place.

This conquest certainly was not easy, although to be fair not a single game was in any real doubt entering the final minute of play. The days of America's best beating everyone else on the planet by 50 points are long gone however, and they're not coming back. Blowouts in medal games are strictly the domain of American women these days.

The women incidentally took down Australia yesterday, winning the gold medal game by 27 points. Ohio State's own Katie Smith was a starter and delivered a performance worthy of the Olympics. She finished the game with ZERO points, one FG attempt, one turnover and two personal fouls. Feel that Buckeye pride!

Back to the men though...

I have to say I'm not sure I've ever timed the viewing of a live sporting event better. I woke up in my hotel room this morning and turned on the idiot box having no idea whatsoever whether or not the basketball game would be on. Much to my satisfaction, there were five minutes left in the fourth quarter and USA was holding on by a slim margin.

I invested no more then 25 minutes of viewing and saw pretty much everything that needed to be seen in this game. I award myself the gold medal for Olympic men's basketball viewing in 2008.

Spain would cut the lead to four points with only two minutes remaining. Obviously their effort (while valiant) was not enough. Some of the best the NBA has to offer were put to the test by Pau Gasol and the rest of the Spaniards.

The rest of the world has caught up to the Americans very quickly and I can assure you the NBA will become more and more an international league in the future. Trust me, that's a good thing.

And finally, I very much enjoy rooting against Duke basketball. It's like rooting against erosion, or the sun coming up tomorrow. You've gotta give credit to USA men's basketball coach Mike Krzyzewski though. He seems to be the best coach out there to reign in the outrageous egos of D. Wade, Kobe, LeBron and make them play as a team. Nice work coach.

Here's the last Phelps dig of 2008 (maybe). The men's basketball team played seven games and won all seven. They win one medal. Swimming two lengths of the pool I'm sure is an equal feat.

Maxing out Beijing!

The final thoughts from Beijing [I'LL BE OUT OF TOWN AT A WEDDING FOR THE NEXT TWO DAYS].

The U.S. men's basketball team will take on Spain in the final (gold medal game) this weekend. There's one thing I'll say about the Spanish basketball team, they can complain with the best of'em. World class bitching to the refs. SOLID!

I saw a 38-year-old woman win the marathon. Thirty-eight! Best in the world!

I saw American swimmer Darra Torres win a silver medal at 41-years-old. Almost had gold, she lost by one one-hundreth of a second. It doesn't get closer then that outside of bobsledding.

I saw a boxer from Thailand advance deep into the medal round. How many Olympic athletes does Thailand have you think?

I saw a swimmer from Tunisia win a medal. TUNISIA?

All of these athletes may seem inconsequential, but they're what make the Olympics worth watching. To most of us, it's just something on T.V. To the people involved? It's probably the most important thing they'll ever do in their entire lives. How about that?

Of course, here comes college football...

Why we love the Olympics?

One of the highlights for me?

That's easy, it's Bela Karolyi going completely rogue and crapping on about how the U.S. women's gymnastics team was screwed over, and over, and over again. I have to congratulate NBC for putting this asshole on national T.V. night after night. Well done.

Were the Chinese women underage?

Maybe.

Does anyone know for sure?

Nope.

I'm still waiting for someone to explain to me how being 13 is advantageous when you're competing against girls that are 16.

Why does that matter exactly? My take is that being slightly more mature and having slightly more developed muscle mass is better then being a pre-teen.

If there's one thing I don't know anything about though, it's women's gymnastics. That, and how to be wildly successful. That seems to be eluding me at the moment too.

And anyway, if I'm not mistaken, didn't pretty much every single girl from the U.S. team fuck up at some point during their competition? I mean, falling on your ass isn't a required skill, right?

So essentially the moral of the story here is, don't fall on your ass, because you probably won't win if you do.

I'm glad I had this opportunity to talk about women's gymnastic competitions. That's a major goal I can check off the list.

U-S-A, U-S-A, U-S-A!

Nice work by the U.S. basketball team. Going into the Games, I was skeptical as far as expected, relative success was concerned for men's basketball.

Today was the day when the Americans could have effed it up as they have done several times over the last eight years in various international competitions. The U.S. jumped out to a 21 point lead and then let Argentina whittle it down to only FOUR shortly before halftime.

The difference between this team and other U.S. teams of the last eight years? That's simple. Head Coach Mike Krzyzewski.

I'm no Duke fan, but that guy can coach.

At least, I'm pretty sure he can coach. This is a little different then he's used to but I would think he can handle overpaid pro's at this point in this career.

Let's hope LeBron, Kobe, D. Wade and the rest of the crew can get it done this weekend. They're playing Spain who they handled easily in group play but who knows? The U.S. basketball team hasn't won it all in awhile so let's not be too hasty.

If someone finds out what time the gold medal game is please let me know. It doesn't seem to be as easy to determine as I would think. Well done NBC!

The latest from Beijing!

Smog?

Check.

Suppression of free speech?

Check.

The world's longest wall?

Check.

As previously, stated, the 2008 Summer Olympics have been a welcomed diversion. The grind of major league baseball and the worthless coverage of football camps are nothing compared to the highest levels of handball, water polo, skeet shooting, basketball, field hockey, soccer, table tennis, fencing and all-things-equestrian.

Fortunately the Michael Phelps hysteria has subsided.

Lately we're getting a load of the sprinter, Usain Bolt from Jamaica. The only person on the planet with faster muscle-response is the Micro-Machines spokesman.

How's that for a dated reference?

Anyway, I'm a little put-off by the "letting up" from Bolt. I guess no one is ever going to know exactly how fast this guy is.

I'm not sure when it happened, but apparently show-boating has made its way to international sprinting. That's great. As if we don't get to witness enough horseshit from the great athletes of the world in the U.S these days.

I hate to sound like an old man, but "act like you've been there before" is pretty much lost on society at this point, isn't it?

OLD MAN ALERT! OLD MAN ALERT! WHERE'S MY HORSE AND BUGGY!

Of course, ESPN has to glam-on to the success of Usain Bolt by asking if he could play wide receiver in the NFL.

The answer to that question? In a word, NO.

I heard Mark Schlereth from ESPN explain tonight how running down a track at top speed is completely different from playing football. For once, the pride of Idaho is correct.

By the way, if I'm U-Bolt, why wouldn't I just make a bunch of money in Europe running and beating everyone on the planet? Why waste my time potentially getting hurt playing pro football in America?

I've said it before and I'll say it again, NFL football is one of the worst gigs you can possible get into when it comes to pro sports. If you can make it doing absolutely anything else, DO SO.

As for Usain Bolt, the guy is going to make nice money when it comes to endorsements following the Olympics. Getting slammed into by some scrub trying to make the Arizona Cardinals is probably not the best use of your talent if you're a Jamaican sprinter.

More NFL Questions

As I watch this riveting preseason contest between the Dallas Cowboys and Houston Texans...

I see that San Fran has named J.T. O'Sullivan their starting QB going into the season. Who?

As I recall, the 'Niners picked Alex Smith #1 overall out of Utah a few years ago. That sounds like $50 million well spent.

I thought the Bengals had a monopoly when it came to picking awful QB's at the top of the draft. Akili Smith and David Klingler were busts of colossal proportions.

Of course, the San Diego Chargers nabbed one of the greats, Ryan Leaf. Considering the trajectory of Peyton Manning's career (who was taken one spot ahead of Leaf), I can't believe Ryan Leaf hasn't thrown himself off a bridge at this point.

You'll notice that another recent number one pick, David Carr, is also no longer with the team (Houston) that picked him at the top of the draft. Maybe the Bengals aren't the only team that's "blessed" these days.

Pro football in Ohio

My prediction for NFL football in the Buckeye State for 2008?

Disappointment.

Not that this should surprise anyone.

First, the Cleveland Clowns.

Presumed starting QB Derek Anderson has apparently gone down to injury. Brady Quinn is getting his first NFL start this weekend if I'm not mistaken.

This one's pretty easy in my opinion. If the Browns were going to live up to expectations in 2008, Derek Anderson would have to start every single game.

Brady Quinn may or may not be a franchise QB in the NFL. That's debatable. The guy has little-to-no experience. The number of dudes that have come into that position and succeeded out of the gate is almost zero.

My guess is, the Browns will bounce back and forth between Anderson and Quinn this season and that's not a recipe for success. Maybe next season they'll get it together after they pick one.

And now the Bengals.

Good Lord.

Resigning Chris Henry?

I've seen a lot of dumb moves out of the Bengals but this one might take the cake. Congratulations Mike Brown, you have completely and totally undercut your head football coach.

Marvin Lewis sat their and said roughly a month ago that 'there's no way Chris Henry is back on this team'. So what does team owner Mike Brown do? He signs the guy to two-year contract. Un-fucking-believable.

Chris Henry is suspended for the first four games of the season. STRONG!

Out here on the east coast on the rare occassions that I run into a Bengals fan, I simply say, "I'm sorry." You might as well root for the Washington Generals.

Fuck-balls are they awful.

Sadly, the only 'Bengals highlight' I'm looking forward to this season is potentially seeing Carson Palmer eat crow when the Buckeyes beat the Trojans.

We'll see.

A Worthy Cause

SI.com senior college football writer Stewart Mandel has devised a way to take this whole "which conference is the best" debate to a place with more positive results then we're used to. Essentially, charitable donations to a worthwhile organization will be associated with a college football conference to "keep score".

More from Mandel...

Over the next six weeks, you, the readers, have the opportunity to make a donation of $10 or more to specific classroom projects in your favorite conference's region. If you're a Maryland Terrapins fan, you might choose to fight childhood obesity among at-risk children at a classroom in Baltimore. If you're a USC or UCLA fan, you might help an inner-city 10th-grade teacher to afford a set of Greek mythology books for her students. The list goes on and on.

Just go to DonorsChoose.org/sishowdown, click on the link to your favorite conference (all 11 FBS conferences and independents are represented) and you'll see a list of projects from that league's states. Click on any of those links and you'll get a detailed description of the project, straight from that classroom's teacher. As befitting a sports-related audience, DonorsChoose.org has included a healthy dose of physical-education themed projects.

DonorsChoose.org will be keeping a running tally of the donations raised by each conference's fans, and we'll declare a winner in the Sept. 24 Mailbag -- right around the time league play heats up in each conference.

The current rankings?

You can find them here.

The Big Ten is currently leading, followed by the SEC.

Incidentally, the "Big Ten" has chipped in almost $7,000 thus far. The Big XII (a so-called Big Dog), has dropped a whopping $721 and currently sits in 8th place.

Strong. Classy. These are the cornerstones of Great Plains athletics.

Personally, I've already contributed $100 to the "Todd Boeckman Deep-ball Assistance Fund". I suggest you do the same!

New OSU helmets for 2008!

Just kidding.

However, I wouldn't mind seeing how tough these guys would be today without pads or face masks for a game or two.

It's about five days until the season starts, so I'll take a quick break from the tail end of the Olympics to focus on college pigskin. Thank Zeus for the Olympics though. Without the welcomed, 24-hour, sports-bonanza distraction I might already be sick of college football at this point.

Well, check that, I'd have had it with training camp reports at least. The only thing more exciting then training camp reports are insurance seminars.

How about a few more thoughts on the coming season from reputable sources?

We've seen the AP, we've seen the Coach's Poll. Everything seems to be on the up-and-up so far.

Collegefootballnews.com has also released their preseason rankings. If you're not familiar with cfn.com, you should be. In general I find their opinions to be level-headed and on-the-money, especially those of publisher and primary contributor Pete Fiutak.

Surprise, surprise, College Football News has OSU #1, with UGA #2. Then again, maybe that isn't such a surprise considering how many first place votes we've seen the Buckeyes receive in the other polls.

For the record, CFN has USC #3, Florida #4 and Oklahoma #5.

A nice dig from Fiutak to sum up the 2008 Buckeyes:

Relative Strengths: Running Backs, Secondary
Relative Weaknesses: The SEC

I'd say that's pretty accurate.

And now comments from the good ship ESPN.

First off, Columbus' favorite son, Kirk Herbstreit.

He has Florida number one. He and SI.com's Stewart Mandel have both stated that their AP ballots were due on August 1st. If they had to vote today neither one of them would have voted UGA the 'top Dawg' due to the major injury at left tackle.

As I've said before, I think things line up much better schedule-wise for Florida then they do for Georgia this year. So personally, I've got the Gators ahead of the Bulldogs (right now) too. I'm sure Mandel and Herbie are thrilled to hear that I concur.

How about a few more views from ESPN 'heads?

Sportscenter gave us the Todd McShay-Mel Kiper Jr. split-screen the other night to discuss the '08 season. MAN is that good television.

I love this piece because you get to see the hardest-working-hair in showbiz. And you have to hand it to Kiper Jr. He created an entire bullshit industry out of nothing.

Then there's Todd McShay, the heir-apparent to Kiper Jr's "empire of hot air". I could be wrong, but I think if you go to dictionary.com and search for 'date rapist', you're probably going to be delivered a picture of McShay. If this dude showed up to take my daughter out for the evening I'd hand her a Taser and an untraceable .22 when he wasn't looking.

Anyway, as far as their projections.

McShay has Florida first, followed by OSU, UGA, USC, and Clemson. Although for some reason the graphic they ran next to him had UGA first, followed by UF, OSU, USC then Clemson. I'm guessing he is right in step with Herbie on this one, which makes sense in my opinion.

Old Man Kiper is holding onto the antiquated notion that last year's number one is still number one until they're knocked off. That's right, he's got LSU up top.

I have no doubts that LSU is a strong team and will continue to be a strong team. However, THEY DON'T HAVE A QB THAT'S THROWN A SINGLE PASS! I'm sorry, but you can't be the best team in America with a first-year starter at quarterback. I'm sure there is an example to the contrary out there but there are much safer bets then LSU this season, I'll put it that way.

Mel also said the following:

- Georgia is the most overrated [MAYBE]
- OSU is #2
- OSU will win it all
- Northwestern will get EIGHT WINS!?

Last comment on the first McShay-Kiper "battle" of the season. After Mel stated that UGA is the most overrated, McShay agreed with him! Really Todd (if that's your real name)? If they're the most overrated then why did you have them at the top of your list a few minutes ago?

Phony asshole.

If you want to find Todd to talk about his rankings you can find him in the ESPN cafeteria making a female intern uncomfortable.

"I'm christening my new sloop."

The Hudson River smells worse then New Jersey.

Holy shit

The rumor is that the Bengals are about to bring Chris Henry back to the team.

WHY?

Even if Chad Johnson is injured and will miss a few games, HENRY IS ALREADY SUSPENDED FOR HIS NEXT FOUR GAMES! He's not filling that hole!

Christ Almighty, what is Mike Brown thinking!?

With the season fast approaching, a little something to get you in the mood.

Mountaineer pride, feel it!

Bob Stoops, you might want to take some notes.

This is WVU interim coach-turned-head honcho firing up the troops before the gold-and-blue-dirt-buckets waxed the Sooners.

After I watched this the second time I slammed my bald head through a wall.

If you're not a Gator, you're Gator bait

That's right!

Take the case of current University of Florida football player Ronnie Wilson. He embodies everything that's right with college football. And by "right" and mean totally and completely wrong.

Here's what you can get away with down in Gainesville according to SI.com:

Early on the morning of April 5, according to a Gainesville police report and Wilson's plea in court, the 6-foot-4, 315-pound Wilson punched and spat on an average-sized man named Frank Fuller at a nightclub steps from Florida Field. Fuller jumped in his car and followed Wilson, staying on the line with a 911 dispatcher so police would know where to find Wilson.

About 20 minutes later, according to the report, Wilson's plea and a 911 call, both cars stopped in an empty parking lot. Wilson pulled an AK-47 from his trunk. As Fuller ducked beneath his steering wheel, Wilson pointed to the sky and fired.

Nice!

Two questions here.

First off, if you've already pummeled a guy into submission with your bare hands, why do you need an assault rifle to 'brush him off' a second time? How about go back to what worked the first time? Punches to the face and what not? That's likely to get you in less trouble then an automatic weapon.

And secondly, what in the fuck is a college football player on scholarship at a major university doing with a Russian assault rifle? Are you kidding me?

I realize that some of these guys come from bad neighborhoods but Jesus, an AK-47? Do you really need one of those in your trunk when you're in the 6', 300 lbs. range?

The best part of the story is that not only is this asshole back on the University of Florida roster at the moment, but he also got busted for marijuana possession by authorities on another occassion. I'm all for giving a guy second chances. We all make mistakes.

If Florida is the juggernaut that we're lead to believe though, do you really need these guys on your roster? How about sending a message for a change?

I guess sending messages is for college football coaches that are more focused on the greater good as opposed to winning at all costs.

"I like your sleeves, they're real big."

Southeastern speed?

This is impressive. I'm going to attempt to tie college football and the Olympics together (loosely) in the same post. Yeah, I know, I'm really stepping up my game after watching Michael Phelps dominate.

We have all heard about the mythical 'SEC speed' over the last few years. Even though the NFL combine and their fancy stopwatches have completely dispelled the notion that players from the southeastern United States are actually faster then those from other locales, it hasn't stopped people from perpetuating that notion.

I have to wonder if perhaps there isn't some global force coming to bear as far as speed is concerned. Consider the following.

The 'fastest man in the world' title generally goes to the reigning 100 meter champion. Check out the origin countries/states of the finalists from the Olympic 100 meter men's final held last night in Beijing (shown in finishing order).

1. Usain Bolt, Jamaica
2. Richard Thompson, Trinidad and Tobago
3. Walter Dix, United States of America (Miami, FL)
4 Churandy Martina, Netherlands Antilles
5 Asafa Powell, Jamaica
6 Michael Frater, Jamaica
7 Marc Burns, Trinidad and Tobago
8 Doc Patton, United States of America (Ft. Worth, TX)

Consider the size of the planet we inhabit. Then consider that all of the fastest sprinters on earth (currently) originate from an area that is essentially centered off the southern tip of Florida.

You've got Texas and Miami, FL. The rest of the 100 meter finalists are from Caribbean islands. Yes, Netherlands Antilles is actually a Caribbean island.

I'm not saying this proves anything definitely. I'm just saying that dudes from that region of the world are fast.

Well, except for Tim Tebow, he's not fast. He's just the best passing fullback college football has seen in awhile.

T-minus, 2 weeks

Yep, only 11 more days until the first college football game of the season. Buckeyes kick it off against the Penguins two days later.

A brief break from the Olympics to check out an OSU highlight. This one is Chris Gamble with the pick-six against Penn State back in the magical '02 season.

My favorite part is the nonchalant toss of the ball to the referee after he scores. See folks? It's possible to act like you've been there before.

Phelps...Favre...Brett...Michael...Favre...Michael...Phelps...

Mikey Phelps, eight-for-eight. He is clearly the greatest Olympic swimmer of all time, from a medals standpoint.

He seems like a good dude, when he's not driving around hopped up on Budweiser. I'll give him credit too, he kept it interesting for the most part, and I'm not talking about the drunk driving. There were a few blowouts. There were also some incredibly close races.

As far as the rest of the hyperbole and superlatives, I think it was summed up for me last night in one sentence how out of control this thing has gotten. Following Phelps final win I heard one of the announcers say this:

"It must be the most unbelievably satisfying moment any human being has ever experienced in the history of sport."

There you have it folks, in the history of sport. I'd say that goes back probably about a 1,000 years. Who needs historic perspective? I have a microphone.

Let me ask you this, which do you think would be "more satisfying"? Surviving a Roman gladiator duel while your opponent lay dead on the ground before you? Or swimming up and down a pool a few lengths more quickly then seven other dudes in caps and goggles?

I'll let you decide.


And speaking of NBC announcers, what in God's name was Bob Costas talking about last night? He's interviewing Phelps and talks about how many Facebook "friend requests" he's received in the last week? That's the best you can do Bobby?

I flip over to ESPN to try and get a two-minute break from Phelps but no such luck. There I've got Jeremy Schaap talking about endorsement money? I know that cash makes the world go 'round but why do people give a shit how much endorsement money Phelps is going to earn? I don't. So I guess that means you shouldn't either. Glad we settled that one.

One more comment on the Phelps hype.

Great athletes elevate their sport. I'm not taking anything away from what Phelps accomplished within the context of Olympic swimming. He's the best ever, without a doubt. I just don't think anyone is going to give a shit about swimming in two weeks when Ohio State is pounding Youngstown State. The next time you will hear about swimming or Michael Phelps is in four years in the lead-up to the London games.

And speaking of hype, I caught Favre in action last night with the Jets. I won't go into too much detail regarding his performance because ESPN is having an hour-long retrospective today entitled, "Brett Favre, the Preseason, and You: How Brett Favre will pull the nation out of recession by throwing a leather ball while wearing tight pants and a butt pad". Check your local listings.

I'll say this about Favre, that dude still has a cannon. I don't know if he can handle 16 games, but he can still sling it.

It's official

Reconstruction has begun. Michael Phelps will be replacing President Roosevelt on Mt. Rushmore.

Additionally, there's a bill making its way through congress right now that would replace the rest of those ne'er-do-wells. Washington, Lincoln and Jefferson with Brett Favre, Tim Tebow and Michael Vick.

Robinson, I need you to get crackin' on the Paint Shop version. This grand undertaking is outside the scope of my skills.

And by the way, did you know you can access a web cam that's pointed at Mt. Rushmore? It refreshes every 30 seconds. That's right, EVERY 30 SECONDS. With a monument as dynamic as Mt. Rushmore, you need to stay on top of it. I'm just not sure how I got along without this before.

AP Poll

The first AP college football poll of the 2008 season was released today. Georgia is tops in both the initial coach's and AP Poll now.

Before I go any further, it should be noted that the AP Poll has almost ZERO relevance in the grand scheme of college football. They famously "took their poll and went home" a few years ago, removing themselves from the BCS equation.

I'm sure Southern Cal fans will tell you that the AP Poll is as legitimate as the BCS standings. To say otherwise would devalue the "national title" they were awarded by the AP a few years ago. The truth is LSU won the national title that year, not USC.

By the way, if you ever want to determine definitively whether or not an "AP national title" is legit, just ask anyone (especially a USC fan) if they'd rather play in the BCS title game or be awarded an AP national title. Case closed.

So essentially, the AP Poll is just a barometer of national opinion in the media and nothing more. It's certainly worth taking a look at however.

Back to the rankings.

Unlike the coach's poll, the Buckeyes check in at #2, not #3 in the AP. Southern Cal and Ohio State have swapped slots in the latest assessment.

I'm wondering if the rash of bad news coming out of USC training camp recently (Sanchez, McKnight, jock itch) had something to do with the difference of opinion? Just a theory.

What I find most interesting about the AP Poll is just how close Ohio State and Georgia are.

Here's the top five (Rank, Team, (1st place votes), Pts)

1. Georgia (22), 1,528
2. Ohio St. (21), 1,506
3. Southern Cal (12), 1,490
4. Oklahoma (4), 1,444
5. Florida (6), 1,415

Georgia isn't exactly a consensus choice at this point. Interesting that Ohio State had almost as many first place votes as UGA.

Based on the numerous castigations of the Big Ten/Buckeyes I have read over the last nine months it seems it would be easy to find a group of college football "experts" that think UGA is 20 points better then Ohio State on a neutral field. Or even in The 'Shoe.

It doesn't seem to be playing out that way in the polls though. Although these polls are far less significant then the ones released after Thanksgiving.

I am starting to wonder if the "great fear" is actually warranted. I am referring of course to the notion that Ohio State would be "punished" following back-to-back lopsided losses in the title game by the media and voters.

My feeling was that this would manifest itself more clearly in the AP Poll as opposed to the coach's. Ohio State is actually showing STRONGER in the media poll though.

There is still the matter of the Harris Poll. The potential bias to which I have just referred would probably show up most clearly in the Harris Poll in my opinion. Many of those voters have strong allegiances to specific schools and conferences and might be more apt to make statements with their votes about Ohio State and the Big Ten.

I'm not doubting the legitimacy of the Harris Poll mind you. Media members generally have regional bias that doesn't pertain to one school or conference. They naturally overvalue the teams that they see most often. All human beings will do that given the opportunity.

Harris Poll votes on the other hand are in some instances simply former players, coaches or athletic directors. It's less likely that their rooting interests have been worn down by covering the sport for a living. Again, just a theory.

One last comment on the AP Poll. Interesting that LSU is being held in such high esteem. I think they could become a juggernaut personally. They are already on the cusp and if LSU was in a different conference they might own it the same way OSU owns the Big Ten right now.

However, the fact that LSU doesn't have a single QB with any experience whatsoever would seem to be a major red flag in my book. Then again, Matt Flynn was nothing special I don't think. I by "not special" I mean, easily good enough to paste OSU in the title game.

Here's the rest of the AP Poll for those that are interested. And by "those" I mean no one.

6. Missouri 12-2 1,266
7. LSU 12-2 1,135
8. West Virginia 11-2 1,116
9. Clemson 9-4 1,105
10. Auburn 9-4 968
11. Texas 10-3 966
12. Texas Tech 9-4 786
13. Wisconsin 9-4 771
14. Kansas 12-1 707
15. Arizona St. 10-3 631
16. BYU 11-2 590
17. Virginia Tech 11-3 578
18. Tennessee 10-4 509
19. South Florida 9-4 496
20. Illinois 9-4 483
21. Oregon 9-4 366
22. Penn St. 9-4 293
23. Wake Forest 9-4 227
24. Alabama 7-6 89
25. Pittsburgh 5-7 85

From Beijing...

This is what a toilet looks like in the Chinese capitol apparently. I have no idea how that works exactly but feel free to explain it to me if you do.

Pictures of toilets in foreign lands. You don't get this stuff just anywhere folks.

Phelps

Is quietly hoping Phelps doesn't go eight-for-eight the same thing as hoping the Patriots don't complete "the perfect season"? Yes and no.

It's not so much that I don't want Michael Phelps (or any American athlete) to succeed. It's that the din of sucking-up is deafening. And as stated before, I have a real problem with definitively assessing historical context before the latest event in the series is even completed. Slow down people!

The same was true with the Pats. The Worldwide Leader and their ilk were so eager to anoint the Patriots 'the best ever' that they couldn't even wait until they won the Superbowl to do so. Fortunately, David Tyree's helmet made sure they didn't.

The main difference is that why there was much build-up to Phelps' run, the truth is we've really only been hearing about the guy for a week. And boy have we heard about him! And yes, it's really only been a week.

The Pats on the other hand have already won three Superbowl's as of late and every time they beat a great team (like the 1-15 Dolphins, twice) there was talk of "the perfect season".

You would have thought that ESPN would have learned their lesson after a similar fiasco involving USC football. They famously named the Trojans "greatest all time" before they went out and got ran over by Vince Young. Oops.

Feel the Thunder

Quien es mas macho? Roy Schieder o Jan-Michael Vincent?

Initial plot synopsis for 'Blue Thunder' motion picture from Wikipedia:

The film revolves around Frank Murphy, a Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD) helicopter pilot-officer and troubled Vietnam War veteran with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Amid a family and employment crisis, he is selected to pilot the world's most advanced helicopter, nicknamed "Blue Thunder", which is essentially a military style combat helicopter supposedly intended for police use as a surveillance platform and for large crowd control and riot missions. With powerful armament, stealth technology that allows it to fly virtually undetected, and other accouterments (such as infrared scanners, powerful microphones and cameras, and a U-Matic VCR), Blue Thunder appears to be a formidable tool in the war on crime that the LAPD readily accepts.


Here's my question? Which is better? A loner in the mountains with a cello and a paint brush? Or a Vietnam Vet-turned cop with PTSD? Tough call.

Brett Phelps and Michael Favre in action today

I'm not sure what will explode first, my T.V., my melon, or Bristol, CT.

Quickly...

- FORMER UC QB Ben Mauk seeks a 37th attempt at another year of eligibility.

- The Soldier's daddy is setting up shop in Ohio. Kellen Winslow (the uno, not the deuce) is taking over as athletic director for Central State University. I am quite certain that his sole focus will be avenging the wrongs put upon THE U back in 2002/2003. Mr. Winslow the Senior is and always will be an assbag in my opinion.

Fight on!

Things going well for the University of California football team.

And by well, I mean awful.

That's too bad.

Some highlights from the land of the Trojan?

- First you had cardinal and gold, and Heisman, poster boy Matt Leinart fathering a child with a USC basketball player out of wedlock. A female basketball player I might add. I know...that's surprising.

- Next, it's Reggie Bush clearly looking the other way while his parents are lavished with gifts (mainly a rent-free home). That lawsuit is about to go public. That should be fun.

- Now you've got Mark Sanchez dislocating his knee during stretching. Ooooh, that sounds rigorous.

- Joe McKnight just had his hand smashed in a door. "That really ups the resale value."

- And if all that weren't enough, jock itch is rampant in southern California. Awesome!

Everything that's great about America in...just...one...post

Here's the first thing that's great about America. Our Olympic participants can fall on their ass again, and again, and again and yet we can figure how to simultaneously bitch about age limits and rules and what-not.

What's with these sports that don't rely on the clock or the measuring tape? Ridiculous. They might as well just take a poll of coaches and media to determine who's tops.

Oh...wait.

Anyway, in honor of the pictured Captain America, I'll share Ohio State's own Capt. America stats, from Mr. Steve Bellisari. Check out these impressive numbers.

- Career 51% completion percentage
- 35 career TD's
- 29 career INT's
- 21-15, win-loss record as a starter (HORRIBLE)
- never beat Michigan

The only win against Michigan Belli-sorry ever presided over was from the sideline. Steve-O was suspended for the game following a DUI arrest and Mr. Craig Krenzel led the Buckeyes to glory. Nice work Steve.

In fairness, I met Steve Bellisari on one or two occasions and to be perfectly honest, he seemed like a nice guy. Maybe it was the speech impediment that contributed to his humble nature. Then again, the inability to throw the ball to the guys in the silver helmets probably was a factor as well.

What? You didn't think I had Bellisari's career stats laying around?

AIRWOLF

Votes pouring in.

"It's a fact that the Airwolf game for the Commodore 64 was vastly superior to the Blue Thunder game. Also, Jan Michael Vincent is unfuckwithable. FACT."

Unfuckwithable. Strong words!

Blue Thunder has yet to present an argument so we shall see.

Phelps vs. the lame field is nothing. Airwolf vs. Blue Thunder is the true embodiment of competition.

Viva Espana!

Spain was on quite the roll. Perhaps not since the late 1400's was the Iberian Peninsula abuzz with such accomplishments.

First it was the Euro Cup '08.

Then Rafael Nadal (from northern Spain) took not only the French Open, but also Wimbledon.

Then, another Spaniard took down the rest of the field at the Tour de France.

Oops. That run may have taken a turn for the worse.

The well-regarded Spanish men's basketball team is in hot water after producing the following photograph. What they're thinking, I'm not sure. They appear to be imitating physical characteristics of the Chinese.

I think Jason Kidd was right on the money when he suggested that had the American team done something similar they would be lambasted and perhaps sent home from the games. I can't disagree with that assessment.

I'm sure the Spanish basketball team would be very amused if someone from another country depicted themselves getting gored by a bull or some other such nonsense. Or maybe sleeping all afternoon?

Sorry, struggling to come up with a good dig regarding Spain.

I've been to Spain afterall, and I don't think bullfights or siestas are really offensive in any way, shape or form. I guess China, you'll have to get back at Spain for having too much fun too often.

Maddenpalooza?

Yep, it is as dumb as it sounds.

My gaming days are behind me. That's probably a combination of two parts maturity and one part fiancee.

I keep hearing about how big a deal the NFL Madden game is. Apparently this Mr. Madden has done quite well in the video game arena. Every time I hear him talk about the game he seems to barely know what sport it even deals with though.

Anyway, the morons at EA Sports (the manufacturers of Madden football video games) have officially, totally overestimated the social importance of their fucking video game. Thus the creation of Maddenpalooza.

And thank you Perry Farrell for giving the world "palooza". You'll have a special place in U.S. history next to the idiots that decided you could put "gate" behind any controversy and pass it off as original.

What if the hotel Nixon's plumbers had broken into was called, "Filthy Whores Live Here"? Would the whole Patriots debacle have been called, Filthy Spying NFL Whores Live Here?

So I guess EA Sports decided that the release of their video game was so important that it required renting out the entire Rose Bowl and securing Busta Rhymes and Good Charlotte. The fuckin' Goodyear blimp was there for crying out loud.

And what's with the Madden shoes!? "I really love this video game. So much in fact, that I need shoes that tell other people how much I love this video game."
According to deadspin.com, attendance was sparse at the inaugural Maddenpalooza. That's really surprising since you've rented out THE ROSE BOWL and created an event that caters to basement-dwelling introverts that can barely distinguish males from females.

Phelps II

Forgot to mention this too.

I caught a column from Bill Plaschke with the LA Times today talking about how Michael Phelps is even better then we thought he was because he won a race with water in his goggles.

WATER IN HIS GOGGLES?

This is the great adversity?

Jesse Owens was viewed as racially inferior by not only the host nation, but by his OWN nation when he won gold in Berlin in 1936.

Phelps is viewed as inferior by...LeBron James?

I mean, c'mon, water in the goggles? Get the fuck out of here.

I'll let you in on a little secret. I'm a very strong swimmer. Part fish in fact.

I've hardly ever worn goggles in my whole life and I've never once seen it as a hindrance. Yeah, I suppose it's a bit annoying to get water in the goggles. As you can clearly see from the underwater shots from NBC, the water is crystal clear.

It's not like Mikey P. is having to navigate the murky depths of Loch Ness now is it?

Beijing, Day 37

What? It's only been five days?

Prove it!

I had already pretty much had it with Michael Phelps and then I came across this bombshell. The guy went to the University of Michigan.

That's it, he's off the list.

Do we really need this guy jammed down our throats anymore? Aren't there more then 100 athletes representing the U.S. in China?

He is obviously a very, very good swimmer. Perhaps that's the king of all understatements.

Do we even need to be told anymore that the swimmer that finished first broke a world record? What's that worth when it's clearly attributed to the suit and the pool?

The U.S. women's basketball team is beating everyone by 50 POINTS. If they win the gold that will count as one medal.

Phelps is picking up multiple gold medals in only a few hours. People go to the store for cigarettes with less frequency.

I'm not saying he's a bad dude and I'm not saying he's not a very accomplished athlete. I think the total and complete lack of historic perspective is ridiculous.

Can you really say someone is the "best ever" when you're giving them that title before they even finish a race?

IF the guy sweeps gold in every race he participates in, well, that's impressive. Until that happens, I'm not willing to anoint him the greatest of all time anywhere, anytime for any reason.

Hey! Did you know the SEC is great?

Yeah, d'uh!

As if we needed further proof. This time it's SI.com's Stewart Mandel offering up the current SEC as evidence that man is in fact touched by God. Like we didn't know that dude.

Mandel lets us know that over the last five years, the SEC has displayed dominance in whatever categories or measures he's come up with. He has the Big Ten fourth for anyone that cares.

Interestingly, he has comparable ratings for the five years before the most recent. Incredibly it was the lowly Big Ten that was on top from 1998-2003. We know, that's just crazy talk.

This leads to an observation that is obvious to some and denied by just as many. Conference superiority is cyclical and thus the reign of the SEC will end at some point. Over 100 years of college football has taught us that much.

Of course, it's not hard to find "SEC fans" (that term is ridiculous in and of itself, no one roots for an entire conference unless they're suffering hardcore ADD) that deny the notion of cyclical trends when it comes to college football. These same people will tell you that the earth is only about 5,000 years old, there's no such thing as dinosaurs, and we never landed on the moon. It's a fun conversation to have nonetheless.

Of course, there's another reason why the SEC is great.

That's right, Cracker Barrel. Tasty green beans and mac'n'cheese trump intellectual superiority every time.

Beijing, Day 2

I've got the 20" TV on top of the 32" TV sitting next to the plasma with picture-in-picture across the board. I'm not missing anything dammit!

I'm watching the U.S. Men's Basketball Team wrap it up against the People's Republic of China, A.K.A. Team Yao. It was very competitive early with China shooting the lights out from beyond the arc. It hasn't been close in the second half.

I think it would have been a lot more interesting if they'd let these basketball teams take on more of the characteristics of their countries. For example, I don't see why the Chinese team should not have been allowed to play with 25 guys on the floor at all times.

Who would have thought ten years ago that China would field a team with four past/present NBA'ers? I am guessing that number will grow.

My favorite part of the "Redeem Team's" first game was Carmelo Anthony getting posterized by Yi Jian Lian (who is now with the Nets). Carmelo Anthony is a major dufus, even by NBA standards. I'm just thrilled he's representing the U.S. in the Olympics.

I'm not sure what I'm more excited for next, water polo, rowing, judo or weightlifting.

BRING IT ON!!

The real USC?

One more note from LA-LA land. I ran across this while checking in on Magic Mark's injured knee.

When they're not engaging in billboard wars, apparently USC is spending time and money proving they're the "real USC". I'm starting to get the impression they're trying to compensate for something.

People always give OSU folks shit for throwing "THE" in front of Ohio State University. You don't see Ohio State filing suit with the U.S. Patent Office now do you? DO YOU?

Not only is the University of Southern California going after the University of South Carolina for exclusive use of "USC", they're also taking the time to harass a high school in Utah that calls itself the USC Trojans and uses cardinal and gold as their school colors, according to the LA Times.

Get a life people!

More from the LA Times...

According to the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office, it's the University of Southern California ... not the University of South Carolina.

On Friday, the local USC won an administrative tribunal that helped define who has rights to the "SC" logo, including the interlocking version. The case originated back in 2002.

Olympic Moments

There are many great Olympic moments worth remembering.

Mary Lou Retton scoring a perfect 10. Ben Johnson being booted for 'roids. Greg Louganis slamming the back of his head into the diving board. Too many to count really.

There is one that tops them all though.

You would be hard-pressed to convince me that ever was there a more apropos embodiment of what it means to be an Olympian then when Ohio State's own Jesse Owens gave the most evil dictator of modern times the proverbial middle finger in his own backyard.

That's right, leave it to a Buckeye to right the great wrongs. As far as I'm concerned, Jesse Owens is the greatest Ohio State alum of all time.

You can see more regarding his grand accomplishments in Berlin, 1936 here.

USC's Sanchez, sans...chez?

A quick detour from the Olympic orgy being presented by NBC.

Supposed Southern Cal starting quarterback "Magic" Mark Sanchez dislocated his kneecap yesterday during practice while doing absolutely nothing.

The LA Times initially reported that he could potentially miss the opener at Virginia. Today they're saying Dirty Sanchez hopes to be back for the opener.

Either way, I can't say that missing at least a week of training camp is a good thing for the relatively inexperienced QB. This is when Sanchez would be trying to tighten up things he wasn't quite ready for last year while he was throwing seven TD's and five INT's.

In the meantime, Arkansas-transfer Mitch Mustain and freshman Aaron Corp will compete for reps while 'Chez is on the mend. Mustain should have the edge there after getting some PT back in Razorback Land.

On the one hand, I'd love it if USC's most experienced QB couldn't go against Virginia or Ohio State. On the other hand, if the Buckeyes were to beat the Trojans without Mark Sanchez, the victory would be immediately discounted by the naysayers.

We'll never win this battle though so frankly, it's not worth worrying about. I already know for a fact that no matter what circumstances Ohio State would beat USC under, or win the national title under even, there are going to be people downplaying the accomplishment.

Ohio State could beat USC by four TD's. Even if Mark Sanchez played the whole game, there will be jealous losers out there downplaying Southern Cal's worth. How they'll be able to downgrade the best win-loss record of the last decade is beyond me, but they will find a way.

Southern Cal is a brand that currently is synonymous with excellence on the gridiron. I mean seriously, this is a team that managed to lose to 41-point underdog Stanford last year and still has maintained 'top dog' status less then a year later.

Don't worry though, the shitheads will figure out why they suck when Ohio State beats them.

Same goes for winning the national title this year as far as the Buckeyes are concerned. Just getting to another title game would be a ridiculous accomplishment by the way. We all know that's not what we're looking for.

If the Buckeyes win it all this year, there will be idiots out there saying that "if my team got to play three times for a national title we'd probably win one too." I can hear it now.

One other note regarding Sanchez. If for some reason he's not able to go against Ohio State, one of the positives would be getting to tool on Mitch Mustain.

Mitch Mustain is Jimmy Clausen except without the accomplishments or the talent, if that makes any sense. He's another douchebag of the highest order.

More on him in subsequent offerings of blather and bloviation.

OLYMPIC FEVER...FEEL IT!!!!

YEAH! Olympics! Gotta love it!

The world's largest 'bird's nest'? Smog? Communism? The Republic of Congo? Giant portraits of Mao? BOB COSTAS!? IT DOESN'T GET ANY BETTER THEN THIS!!

I don't know about you, but I dig the Olympics. I'm slightly partial to the Winter Games because...well, curling is just that good. Why curling isn't more popular in this country is beyond me.

The Olympics is an excuse to pay attention to something other then football, baseball, basketball, golf or whatever else we hear about almost daily in the United States, at least for a brief time. Variety is the spice of life, isn't it?

I mean seriously, no one's more pumped up about the 2008 college football season then me. However, what, if anything, do you think is going to be said or reported about the upcoming season between now and 'opening day' that will be of any relevance whatsoever? Like I need to hear more about how great the SEC is because their training camps feature balloon animals or some such horseshit.

Back to Beijing...the availability of nearly continuous live sporting events for two weeks straight trumps at least 75% of 'main stream' U.S. sports. Don't get me wrong, I'm not picking the men's badminton final over say, the Rose Bowl.

Consider though that even the first weekend of the men's NCAA basketball tournament features a fraction of the actual competition that you can see over the first two days of the Beijing Olympics.

You get to see a Duke vs. Coppin State, a #1 vs. #16 match-up four times every year. You only get to see Latvia take on the U.S. in beach volleyball once every four years.

Who knew Latvia had a fuckin' beach!?

(It does).

You've gotta hand it to NBC too. They don't do much right, do they? Well, not lately. I mean Notre Dame football is a disaster, isn't it? Losing to Navy?

I guess you can't really blame that on NBC's Dick Ebersol now that I think about it.

Anyway, broadcasting the Olympics is something NBC seems to have a handle on. Including all the streaming content you can view online, there will be more hours of competition available for viewing then all the previous summer Olympics combined. COMBINED!

The time change actually benefits viewers that want to take in as much Olympic competition as possible. You can view live events in the middle of the night while checking out tape-delayed coverage in prime time.

Of course, this means you'll have to stay away from ESPN and other such media outlets if you don't want to know ahead of time what happened. As far as I'm concerned, any reason to stay away from ESPN for two weeks is a good one.

I caught the opening ceremonies on DVR today. Good stuff. Who would have guessed that the Chinese would have the greatest LED technology we've ever seen on display? Boy, that was shocking.

While I thought the ceremonies were impressive, I have to say that the complete and total absence of Jackie Chan and his cohort Chris Tucker was very disappointing. You're telling me they couldn't work some of that high-quality acting from 'Shanghai Knights' into the line-up? Total bullshit!

PTI weighs in on the Buckeyes

For the most part, 95% of what ESPN has to offer is nauseating. There is one notable exception in my opinion though, 'Pardon the Interruption' (PTI) with Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon.

Well, sometimes with TK and Wilbon. I think Kornheiser has been on the show about four times in the last two months. Good work if you can get it I guess.

Anyway, the subject of the 2008 football Buckeyes came up this week. Kornheiser was actually present to discuss the topic. He suggested that Ohio State would go undefeated and win the national title because his personal bus driver is a huge Ohio State fan and told him so. Now that's some crack analysis right there!

Tony's counterpart this day was ESPN's J.A. Adande, formerly of the LA Times. Mr. Adande informed us all that Ohio State would lose to USC and lose their bowl game. I guess we don't need to worry about any of that now do we?

Oh, J.A. also forgot to mention that he's an adjunct professor at the Unversity of Southern California and was born and raised in Los Angeles. No bias worth mentioning I suppose.

That hardly seems damning in the wake of Kornheiser's strong argument though.

You can also catch Tony on his Monday Night Football farewell tour. He won't be back after this year I'm guessing.

Stupid Stuff

Did you know that Chris "Beanie" Wells is one of 11 children?

Perhaps he honed his stiff-arm skills at the dinner table?

Favre Finality

This is it for Brett Favre for awhile, I promise.

I can't believe the comments I'm hearing about Chad Pennington and Jeff Garcia in the wake of the Brett Favre trade. It's ludicrous.

I'm supposed to feel sorry for Chad Pennington because the Jets "upgraded" at his position? He seems to be a good guy and has done what is asked of him. He's the definition of a mediocre pro quarterback.

In seven seasons, he's thrown 85 TD's and 55 INT's. He has a noodle for an arm. The guy has earned approximately $50M as a pro QB.

Anyone thrilled to have Chad Pennington QB'ing their pro team? N-O. Anyone on the planet would replace Pennington with Brett Favre. Get out of here with the "What about Chad" garbage, because that's just what it is.

And Jeff Garcia? Here's another guy I don't feel remotely sorry for. He's not a good looking dude. And yet look at the gal he got to marry him? A Playboy Playmate of the Year? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Jeff Garcia wants to be pissed off now because the Buccaneers were taking a serious look at Brett Favre? IT'S BRETT FAVRE!!

Suck it up Jeff. You weirdo.

Favre & Favre, Favre...Favre = Favre

Mercifully, the 24-hour Favre news bonanza has died down. No doubt ESPN is now gearing up for the Michael Vick-released-from-prison media mushroom cloud that will hit us in a year or so.

A brief post mortem on this whole ridiculous episode if I may.

There is one person responsible for holding the sports world hostage for the last month, Brett Favre. That may seem obvious but there will be plenty that think the Packers are the guilty party in this respect. Not true.

The first mistake that was made was back in March when Favre announced to the world he was retiring, in March. You don't retire in March if you're a pro football player. Retire in August when you realize you have no interest whatsoever in participating in another season.

Even after he retired, the Packers checked with Favre repeatedly to make sure that he was staying retired. Brett told the Pack repeatedly he was not coming back.

Then he changed his mind, and rightfully so, the Packers were no longer interested in playing Brett Favre-retirement-roulette with the future Hall of Famer. Frankly, I don't blame them.

Favre then decided that if he can't play for Green Bay, he wants to play for Minnesota. Understandably, the Packers didn't want anything to do with facing a scorned Brett Favre twice a year for the next few years. Favre even admitted it was his "vindictive nature" that drew him towards the Vikings.

So it's off to the J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets for Mr. Favre. It's weird to have bitched and moaned about this saga for the last month and to suddenly have it wind up in your lap. I have to admit a slight affinity for the Jets. It's probably just because I grew up rooting for a terrible AFC team (the Bengals). If nothing else, the Jets are a terrible AFC team.

In the words of my roommate, "The Jets season just got a whole lot more interesting."

How true.

It should be pointed out that none of the football greats that went elsewhere in the twilight of their career ever really accomplished much. Emmitt Smith didn't do squat with the Cardinals, Jerry Rice was merely mediocre with the Raiders and the Broncos. Joe Namath didn't do anything with the Rams.

Joe Montana obviously didn't take the KC Chiefs to the Superbowl. He did win two playoff games and made it to the AFC Championship game. I'm pretty sure the Jets would take the trade of what would become a second round draft pick to make the playoffs this year.

Does Favre have anything left in the tank? He was one of the best QB's in the league last year. What will happen? Don't worry, ESPN will not let us forget for a nanosecond that Favre has jumped to the Jets.

Oh, and all those idiots that are claiming they're 'not Packers fans' anymore? PU-LEASE. Or rather, bull-fuckin'-shit. You'll be pulling for Aaron Rodgers in no time. That's why you root for teams, and not individuals. Grow up.

THE DEUCE

The Pride of Piscataway, Malcolm Motherfuckin' Jenkins

Idiot Report: Jimmy Clausen

Yep, the fruit on the right is Notre Dame starting QB Jimmy Clausen.

I know, he's hardly recognizable when standing upright. If he were laying on the ground after having gotten flattened by a defensive end he'd be easier to pick out.

There's nothing wrong with doing stupid shit in college. I did plenty.

One problem though, Jimbo's only 20 years old. Technically the photo doesn't show him doing anything illegal. You'd think after already getting busted once for an alcohol-related offense that he'd be smart enough to not get captured in still life pounding cheap, domestic keg beer with a bunch of harlots, butt-sniffers and teammates.

And by the way, there's another photo floating around out there from the same "night" or "event" or whatever you want to call it. This one features the brain trust clearly posing for a picture. Well done morons.

Maybe no one should be surprised that this guy's an idiot. He showed up at the College Football Hall of Fame in a stretch SUV limo to announce he was headed to Notre Dame. Subtle. Classy. These are the attributes of great quarterbacks.

Obviously Fat Charlie Weis is doing just as good a job coaching JC off the field as he is on. And by "good" I mean terrible.

I'm guessing Jimmy will be missing as many games as I will (none) for this latest misstep. Way to keep your people accountable Charlie.

It could be worse I suppose. At least Jimmy's picture didn't show up on some gay dating website. Brady Quinn? Not so lucky.

And speaking of Notre Dame. There are a lot of people talking about how the Irish should be one of the most improved teams of the 2008 season. Hard not to improve when you only win three games and lose to two service academies in one season.

I'm starting to lean toward predicting another losing season for Notre Dame. Why? Because Charlie Weis couldn't coach his way out a paper bag. That is, if you could find a paper bag big enough to fit him and his impressive gunt into.

No doubt the schedule is easier this year for the Irish. However, like Ohio State and other high profile programs, you're always going to get the other team's best shot.

Here's the schedule:

Sept. 6 SAN DIEGO STATE
Sept. 13 MICHIGAN
Sept. 20 at Michigan State
Sept. 27 PURDUE
Oct. 4 STANFORD
Oct. 11 at North Carolina
Oct. 18 Open Date
Oct. 25 at Washington
Nov. 1 PITTSBURGH
Nov. 8 at Boston College
Nov. 15 vs. Navy (at Baltimore, Md.)
Nov. 22 SYRACUSE
Nov. 29 at USC


I'm going to go ahead and give the Irish wins against SDSU, Navy and Syracuse. Everything else on the schedule? Up for grabs.

Yep, even Stanford. Hey, Jim Harbaugh's already done something in one year at Stanford that Fat Charlie hasn't done in four years, beat USC.

Airwolf vs. Blue Thunder, the ongoing debate...

Is Wikipedia not the greatest thing ever? And who in God's name knows this much about Airwolf?

One note of clarification. 'Airwolf vs. Blue Thunder' encompasses not only the greatest fictitious helicopters ever created, it also takes into account all aspects of the the television series and motion picture based on the fake flying machines.

On to the debate!

Blue Thunder was pretty badass but get a load of this brief synopsis. Airwolf may take the title after just one paragraph:

The series' protagonist is Stringfellow Hawke (played by Jan-Michael Vincent), a loner who lives in a cabin in the mountains, only accompanied by his Bluetick Coonhound, "Tet", and the surrounding wildlife. Hawke is a recluse, spending most of his time alone with his priceless collection of paintings, and serenading eagles with his equally priceless Stradivarius cello. His only real friend and mentor is the older, eternally cheerful Dominic Santini (Ernest Borgnine).

Really hard to say which was the high-water mark for Jan-Michael Vincent (A.K.A. JMV), was it the lead role in the Airwolf series or was it his bit part in the movie 'Grease'? Quite a career either way. You have to give Airwolf some extra points here too considering it's unlikely Jan-Mike was sober while fake-piloting the fake helicopter.

On top of JMV, you've also got a Bluetick Coonhound, a Stradivarius and Ernest Borgnine? WOW!

Oh, and 'Stringfellow Hawke'? STRINGFELLOW! I would give anything to have been sitting in the creative meeting when they decided, "Yep, Stringfellow it is." Spectacular. You just don't get good writing like that on TV these days.

Deez up, ho's down.

Yep, that's 'The Deez', Mike Dolin with D-O-Double-G.

Rappers on his arm and presidents on his shirt. He has arrived.

Oh...and Favre to the Jets.

Dave Levine's head exploded at approximately 4:29 AM eastern this morning.

More later...

Air Wolf vs. Blue Thunder

I would like to commence what may be perhaps the greatest debate in the history of ficticious, para-military helicopter debates.

Air Wolf vs. Blue Thunder

Which is better? And why?

I want you to tell me.

Perhaps there is no wrong answer here. We shall see.

Troy

Troy Smith was 5-12 for 79 yards tonight against the Patriots.

ESPN's Shaun King thought that Troy played very well. He certainly had some solid throws as evidenced in the highlights.

Unfortunately, 5-12 though? Those are Glendale, AZ numbers, not starting NFL stats.

I'm still pulling for Troy. We'll see how it goes.

Bobcats!

Two quick Ohio University notes.

First, it's the tale of OU lineman Michael Eynon winning a portion of the Ohio Lottery.

According to the Cleveland Plain Dealer, he'll take home roughly $175,000 after taxes. Not too shabby!

In general, college football players are broke. Well, unless you're Reggie Bush.

I was penniless in college too. If someone handed me $175K? That might as well have been $10 million as far as I'm concerned.

The lucky student-athlete, Michael Eynon, said he'll give some to his church, some to his family, and the rest in the bank. Sounds like a good plan Mike.

Enjoy a little bit of that dough too Michael. This might be the only winning the OU football team does this year. Hopefully I'm wrong.

And also, the venerable OU alum Peter King from Sports Illustrated / NBC Sports was wearing the Ohio University golf shirt during his ESPN 'P.T.I.' appearance today. Nice!

Check out the impressive list of Ohio University alumn's sometime. It's...impressive. Here's a sample:

- Nancy Cartwright, voice of Bart and several other characters on The Simpsons
- Jerry Heller, co-founder of Ruthless Records (record label of N.W.A.)
- Bob Huggins, NCAA basketball coach
- Matt Lauer, co-host of NBC's The Today Show
- Jay Mariotti, sports columnist and TV personality
- Paul Newman, actor
- Ed O'Neill, Al Bundy on Married With Children among other shows and movies
- Mike Schmidt, Hall of Fame third baseman for the Philadelphia Phillies
- George Voinovich, U.S. Senator, former Ohio governor
- Dave Zastudil, NFL player, punter for the Cleveland Browns
- Dr. Tammy Zirke, Au. D.

Wow, that's some talent.