O-H-I-O

Grand ironies are the spice of life...

Entering the 2008 NFL season, the Cleveland Browns had the momentum. The team was coming off a 10-6 season and barely missed the playoffs. There was talent all over the offensive side of the ball and the Browns managed to snag massive DT Sean Rogers away from the Detroit Lions while the Cincinnati Bengals were attempting to do the same.

All this resulted in the Browns being slated for more prime time appearances then any other NFL team. It also resulted in great expectations amongst the infinitely gullible Cleveland Browns fans.

The Bengals on the other hand, are a disgrace. One winning season in the last 18 years. Wow, that is pathetic.

However, following today's 14-0 Bengals victory in Cleveland Browns Stadium, you have to wonder if the momentum hasn't jumped from northern Ohio to southern Ohio. And trust me, the game was not as close as the score indicates. It was however as pathetic as the score indicates.

The Bengals now have three wins on the season. The Browns have...four. There is a very strong possibility that both Ohio NFL teams could end up with the same record.

I guess all that Cleveland Browns optimism was a bit premature wasn't it?

The Browns will start next season with a new head coach more then likely. Perhaps a new GM as well. The QB situation is still messy up there with both Derek Anderson and Brady Quinn injured. The third-stringer, Ken Dorsey is dismal. He was benched today for former Tampa Bay Buccaneer Bruce Gradkowski, who promptely tossed up the fourth Cleveland INT of the day.

The Bengals on the other hand will get Carson Palmer back, will have a young established running back (Cedric Benson) and might even jetison mediocre malcontent Chad Johnson. When the Bengals have the stars aligned like this lookout. I am predicting eight wins for 2009.

R&L Carrier New Orleans Bowl, feel it!!

Awesome start for the Southern Mississippi Golden Eagles! Brett Favre's alma mater is putting on quite a display of ineptitude.

They pulled a "USC" and decided to wear their home uniforms instead of "the whites". Consequently Southern Miss was docked a timeout after the first play of the game. The Eagles followed that up with a false start.

On play number three, the USM QB had his option pitched batted down by a Troy defender who then took the bounce to the house. Perfect!

On the ensuing kickoff an impressive return to midfield was negated by yet another penalty against Southern Miss.

Elapsed time, one minute.

So if you're scoring at home, that's three penalties and a fumble returned for a score in the first minute for the Eagles.

Well done.

Stop blaming the BCS

"Check out this sweet brown paper bag!"

"I'd also like to announce that I don't understand the nuances of the BCS."

Thanks Troy. 'Preciate it.

I'm watching the Cowboys-Steelers game. A real barn-burner. I know the weather sucks but 3-3 at halftime? Sweet.

To advertise the BCS Bowl game announcements later tonight, they have Joe Buck read a quick promo. After praising Florida, Alabama and Oklahoma, Troy then states, "I'm not sure about this BCS stuff. I think I speak for a lot of people when I say it should be decided on the field." He then states that Texas is getting screwed in so many words.

First off, it should be pointed out that Troy Aikman almost certainly spends much of his time in Dallas if he doesn't live there full-time. That means he is likely hearing from the very pro-Longhorns fans much of the time. That's just a sidenote that speaks to potential bias, not that we aren't all biased in some way or another.

More importantly here, STOP blaming the BCS for the Big XII South debacle. The blame for that situation falls at the feet of the Big XII, not the BCS.

The BCS was not created to determine divisional tie-breakers. It was created to try and put the #1 and #2 teams in a title game at the end of the season. Well, that and make a whole bunch of money for the affiliated bowl games.

I still think there are a whole lot more sports fans out there that understand what the BCS is and that a playoff is a virtual impossibility. It is amazing to me how many people spend so much time pining for a playoff every year. What has all that bitching gotten them? Absolutely nothing. They might as well complain about the color of the sky.

You stay classy SC!

Brian Cushing, New Jersey native and Southern Cal certified, douchebag following the riveting defeat of Notre Dame:

"They weren't going anywhere, and they knew it. It was just a matter of time before they were deflated."

Do you think Mr. Cushing is aware that Notre Dame is practically a high school team at this point?

Shut your mouth you classless lout.

By the way, great photo. It's Garden State white trash at its finest.

BTW

At the halfway point here in November, Wisconsin Head Coach Bret Bielma is still the leader in the clubhouse as far as 'Moron of the Month' is concerned.

How many weeks of vacation do you get anyway?

So...been 15 days.

Having some technical issues again. The central nerve center of this high tech operation, A.K.A. "Deep Blue", which is actually a 10-year-old eMachine and total piece of crap, has been on the fritz.

Microcenter and Michigan week seem to have us back in the saddle though. I hope.

Moron of the Month

It's only November 2nd, but I'm confident that no one is going to top one of the worst coaching decisions I've ever seen any time soon.

Wisconsin head coach Bret Bielema is the Moron of the Month until further notice. He might be Moron of the Millennium if he keeps this up.

Bielema's team has gone from a Top Ten ranking earlier this season to the bottom of the Big Ten in roughly one month. Wow.

Another ridiculous loss yesterday at Michigan State.

First, Bielema gave the Spartans a short field that resulted in a quick score after he decided to mouth off to an official before a kick-off. Nice example you're setting for your team douchebag. It's really surprising that they would be penalized roughly 800 times for 121 yards yesterday. That particular moment of lunacy was nothing compared to the complete and total ineptitude that was displayed at the end of the game.

Michigan State needed a field goal to win the game and got the ball back with little time left on the clock. The Spartans managed to drive down the field and get themselves in position to attempt a 44-yard field goal.

With no timeouts, MSU was rushing their field goal kicking unit onto the field to try and get the kick off before the game ended. There were approximately 15 seconds left on the clock.

So of course, Bret Bielema calls timeout. That's right, Wisconsin's head coach bailed out Michigan State by stopping the clock while they were desperately attempting to get the field goal off.

Then, he called timeout again.

Genius.

So now you have insured that you have given the opposing kicker not only plenty of time to get the kick lined up, but also time to check the wind speed and his horoscope. MORON!

Of course, Michigan State drained the field goal and Wisconsin lost the game.

It's the beginning of the end for Bielema. His team is incredibly disappointing this year and he no longer has Barry Alvarez' players on his roster.

I think he's probably gone after next year.

Back in the heart of Buckeye Nation...

It's been an eventful couple of weeks.

Myself and my entourage (two cats and one fiancee) have setup shop a stone's throw from The Ohio State University. Who says you can't go home again?

Our journey was rewarded today. The Great Pumpkin delivered a Halloween "Holy Shit!" as the Bengals got their first win of the season against Jacksonville. The perfect season is ruined.

However, this didn't stop the Cincinnati Enquirer's Paul Daugherty from excoriating one of the worst sports franchise owners on the planet, Mike Brown.

The last of the last for the time being...

- Unfortunately Notre Dame didn't lose yesterday. They also didn't play.

- Michigan is 2-5, and I'm laughing my ass off.

- What in God's name happened to Wisconsin? Faint dreams of a national title run have turned quickly into a 3-4 record and tied for LAST in the Big Ten. Wow. Brett Bielma, here comes the heat.

- Did anyone else see the ref make the tackle last night in the Texas-Mizzou game? I've seen refs get run over many, many times but I've never seen one bow-up and drop the runner. That was ridiculous. If I was that player I would have asked for the ball again on the next play and run that clown over.

- When are coaches going to learn that icing the kicker doesn't work. Especially not in the pro's. I saw it again today. Whoever that idiot is that's now coaching the Raiders thought he was pretty smart, just like so many others have before him.

The Jets are lining up for a 52-yard-kick with less then ten seconds remaining in regulation and this fucking moron calls timeout as the ball is snapped. Of course, Jets kicker Jay Feeley doinks it off the upright.

"Thanks for the practice kick coach, I appreciate it."

Sure enough, the second kick was right down the middle.

Has that EVER worked? Serious? How fucking stupid are these guys? Why give them a practice kick, why not make them hurry up to get the kick off?

Hopefully someone will come up with a way to determine definitively that this maneuver NEVER works.

Unfortunately fate didn't dole out punishment, the Raiders were able to win the game in OT.

- I find nothing remarkable about pro football this year. I'm sure it has a lot to do with the fact that the Bengals are an utter abomination. College football's still got it all over pro football though. Not that this should come as a shock to anyone.

- And finally, the Bengals perfect season is still intact. It looks like Carson Palmer is going to be done for the season. No way the Bagels pull off the 0-fer though, they'll screw it up at some point along the way.

The real question is, if the Bengals didn't win a game, would Mike Brown fire Marvin Lewis? I say no.

Bengals

Ratings bonanza!

The Fox exec's just threw up in their mouths a little bit. Tampa Devil Rays vs. the Philadelphia Phillies in the World Series. It's that old Tampa-Philly rivalry once again. FEEL THE INTENSITY!

Of course, this is what you get when you have a multi-round tournament instead of picking two teams arbitrarily to play for it all. The Rays and the Phillies. Sweet!

Admittedly, I would have had a lot more interest in the WS with either the Dodgers or Red Sox in the mix. It's only fitting that both were left out though. Manny Ramirez is a colossal buffoon and who in God's name wants to see Boston win anything else, ever, anytime soon? Seriously, fuck those guys with a shovel.

I will likely be pulling for Philly since I'm a National League guy and because no team that averages 15K fans at best during the regular season deserves to win a title. They couldn't even open up the 'extra' seating until the ALCS for crying out.

On a slightly different note, I saw something really weird last night. I'm flipping through the guide and I see Game Six of the ALCS listed as being from 8:00 PM to 10:00 PM eastern. Seriously, 8-10? When was the last time a playoff baseball game lasted only two hours? Game Five was over four hours and it was only nine innings!

The good stuff, Part II...

How about the true freshman quarterback waving his arms and telling the home crowd "bring it on" early in the game? Damn does this kid scream 'confidence'.

Here's a great quote from the opening of Mitch Albom's Detroit Free Press column:

EAST LANSING — The weather was perfect, the stadium was packed and the whole town was pounding with green-and-white optimism.

And then the game started.

And Ohio State pulled the Spartans’ pants down.

Good stuff Mitch!

- I asked for the Buckeyes to boot out TP and have him throw to the TE if he was there. Guess what? It worked. It doesn't matter that Brandon Smith was primarily lined up at fullback, it's the same concept. Terrelle was 'thinking' nearly as much yesterday and it showed. I also liked that they ran plays specifically with his legs in mind. That's what we need out of TP right now.

- The numerous shots of dejected MSU fans were outstanding! They all looked like someone just told them 'there is no Easter bunny'.

- Once the Buckeyes took a 28-0 lead into halftime I thought we'd see a healthy dose of Maurice Wells in the second half with the Spartans trying to claw their way back. I even went as far to say "Michigan State will win the second half, 17-3." Obviously I was wrong. And man am I glad that's the case.

- I think that either Beanie Wells or TP may have just stiff-armed another MSU defender. I checked the stat sheet, the Buckeyes threw 132 guys in green to the ground yesterday.

- Malcolm-motherfuckin'-Jenkins, the pride of Piscatway, NJ is having himself a hell of a season. He's fast, he's physical, and no one on the OSU roster is playing with more confidence right now. Man is that guy a total mother or what?

- And finally, best play of the game yesterday without a doubt, Thaddeus Gibson LITERALLY pulling a touchdown out of Sparty's ass. Absolutely fuckin' hilarious. "Thank you sir, I will lift this ball right off your ass and take it to the house." The old ass-ball does in Michigan State yet again.

The good stuff...

Despite what you may have read in the last post, which was full of bad Buckeye bullet points, the boys in scarlet and gray had one of the better performances we've seen in well over a year yesterday.

It starts of course with the 'Beanie Hop'.

Coach Tressel was of course trying to setup the field goal but MSU's defense was so pathetic that they couldn't even help out. Instead Chris Wells took it to the house and finished it off with a stylish leap into the endzone. Gotta love it.

Final thoughts...

Posting will be fairly limited for the next week or so while the family (pictured) moves corporate headquarters from Jersey City to the heart of Buckeye Nation, Columbus. Before Level 6 goes dark though I'll offer up a few thoughts.

Awesome win for the Buckeyes yesterday in East Lansing. Haven't seen one like that in quite awhile. We certainly haven't seen it this season and I'm not sure we saw it all of last season either. I'll put it this way, we weren't up by four touchdowns at halftime against any ranked teams last year.

Unfortunately that game was called by some of the biggest douchebags in all of sports yesterday. Brad Nessler and Bob Griese used to be a couple of my favorites. However, they've been reduced to rodeo clown status by that colossal shithead Paul McGuire. What an utter fuckball that guy is. I guess there is a reason they frequently make him call games from the parking lot or the next town over. Tony Kornheiser looks like Howard Cossel compared to Paul-effing-McGuire.

Even those guys are tolerable when the Buckeyes have it going on all cylinders though. Almost everything went their way yesterday, save for the following:

- With Ben Person getting benched I guess Jimmy Cordle took it upon himself to handle the 'early false start' duties. Damn are those annoying.

- The offensive play-calling was outstanding yesterday for the most part. Funny how that seems to be the case when the Buckeyes are dominating both lines of scrimmage. However, the worst call I saw was once again handing it to Chris Wells on 3rd and 1. That is simply not going to work. Everyone and their mother knows that Beanie's getting the rock and the offensive line can't get a push when there are 11 guys inside the box. Can we please get a little more creative on 3rd or 4th and 1?

- Ray effing Small. I'm sorry, for a guy that has returned as many kicks as he has there is no excuse for fumbling like he did. That could have been a HUGE momentum shift in the game and we got bailed out by Austin Spitler somehow getting to the ball before the two MSU guys even though they were much closer when it hit the turf. I can't believe that some thought Ray Small was the next Ted Ginn Jr. He's at least two steps slower then Teddy.

- And speaking of special teams, what gives with the Buckeyes' kickoff coverage? We can't seem to get the ball into the endzone and we appear to be giving up tons of yardage on those returns. In the second half Ohio State went to the pooch kickoff in an apparent attempt to limit the returns. For all of Ohio State's success these past few years kickoffs either way have not been a strength.

If anyone can find special teams stats by team I'd love to seem them for the current season. I can't find it.

- Terrelle Pryor had a pretty damn good game but at some point here he's going to have to figure out how to get rid of the ball instead of taking the sack. He lines up in the shotgun, then drops back, then gets sacked. He's losing about seven yards a pop. That's never good.

- We all know that MSU Head Coach Dantonio and Tressel are friends. I'm not sure Tress' needed to go as far as to apologize for the last touchdown Ohio State scored? That's essentially what he did when he stated in the postgame presser, "I wish it wouldn't have happened." Please coach, it's not like the Buckeyes dropped 80 on the Spartans. For the record it was a defensive touchdown, OSU wasn't throwing deep bombs or anything.

- Myself and others are convinced that the deep ball that Pryor threw after the Buckeyes were up by several touchdowns was Tressel's way of telling the opposition, 'we're still going to go deep'. Except of course, there wasn't an OSU receiver within 20 yards of the pass. What are the chances that Tressel told Pryor "Just throw it deep, I know there won't be any receiver running a deep route on this play but throw it deep anyway." Only Jim Tressel could figure out how go play-action fake with a fake deep ball.

- And finally, I used to think Tress' favorite play was the punt. I was wrong. It's third and long with the lead. No down and distance screams 'setup the kick' like third and long when Tressel has a bit of cushion.

"Third and long again? YES. Let's run a draw for Beanie. Kicking team get ready."

Speaking of Mark Sanchez...

'Chez took down another Cougar on Saturday. No, not the kind of cougars he's usually hunting. This time it was Washington State University Cougars.

The Trojans whipped Wazzu 69-0 today.

Wow.

HOWEVER, before everyone gets all gooey over this one, let me hit you with the following statistic:

Washington State has given up more then 63 points FOUR TIMES so far this season. That's FOUR OUT OF SEVEN GAMES they've given up over 60.

The Cougars are literally the worst college football team in FBS this year.

Let's not give the Trojans too much credit on this one.

Random thought of the day

Think Ohio State will be facing Mark Sanchez again next year? And I'm not talking about a potential rematch in the Rose Bowl yet this season.

My initial thoughts were that regardless of the level of success and/or the success of the Trojans that Sanchez would return. I base that almost entirely on the example set by Matt Leinart. Leinart could have come out early and could have been the top pick in the draft. I guess 'BMOC' status in Los Angeles is enough to pass up $50 mill.

Consider also that Matt Leinart, a high first round draft pick, can't even get off the bench for the Cardinals. So when Mark Sanchez calls up Leinart for advice, what do you think he would say?

"Well Mark, you can stay in school for another year and slam ass all over Orange County, or you can go pro and ride the pine."

Underclassmen considering whether or not to go pro have something else to take into account now. There is a push towards a rookie salary scale in the NFL. If you are a potential Top Ten pick, a salary scale could mean a massive pay cut.

Frankly I would rather not face that douchebag again. Go get paid Mark.

'Rudy' blows

I caught 'Invincible' for the first time tonight.

Good stuff.

The Philadelphia Eagles' Vince Papale makes Notre Dame's 'Rudy' look like a fruity little circus freak. And I'm no Philly fan.

And speaking of Mark Wahlberg, check out SNL's 'Mark Wahlberg talks to animals'. Frickin' great.

Coaches' Poll

Texas #1, I think that's probably deserved. The Longhorns have CRUSHED everyone they've faced. The only close game they've endured was this past weekend in the Cotton Bowl against Oklahoma. Everyone though Oklahoma was the clear number one and would beat Texas. Oops.

Texas remaining schedule is brutal. If they stay #1, they'll have earned it.

'Bama #2, I think that's adequate as well. Plenty of time still to make sure these rankings are deserved.

Penn State #3, that's probably OK with me too, although I'm not sure that they've beaten a quality opponent yet. Unfortunately this is the burden of the Big 10 these days. As long as Big Nittany keeps winning big it won't matter.

Southern Cal #4. This is where I have a problem. Consider the following. On a neutral field Oklahoma lost an epic battle to Texas, a team ranked in or around the Top Five. The Trojans lost to the Beavers. Yet we've got Pete Carroll's gang ahead of the Sooners? I don't know about that one.

Browns...Clowns...Victory!

Do Cleveland Browns' throw-back uniforms exist?

This grainy photo is the best evidence we could find. I found this in the book depository next to Oswald's spent rounds.

Throw-back uniforms are an outstanding marketing idea and sometimes those throw-backs are actually better then the current iteration of your favorite teams' 'costumes'. The San Diego Charger powder blues are outstanding for example.

The Cleveland Browns don't seem to understand the concept of the throw-back though, as evidenced by their repeatedly rolling out this same edition. We saw it again tonight on MNF.

The only way you can tell that these are in fact old-school uni's is because there's a grade-school-print number scrawled on the helmet. That's it, everything else is the same.

First off, NO ONE BUYS HELMETS! It's all about the jerseys!

So essentially, the throw-back Cleveland Browns jersey is EXACTLY the same as the current Cleveland Browns jersey. No difference!

While there is something noble about tradition, it should also be pointed out that...hey...why even attempt to roll out a throw-back if you're not going to get it right?

To their credit, the Clowns still managed to win the game tonight against the Giants. Nice work.

See you next weekend for 2-4.

Perfect season still intact and looking strong!

That's a great picture isn't it? I hope Carson was compensated well to look like a circus clown.

Yep, the Bagels knocked down another wrung on the ladder of ineptitude yesterday. The Jets and their HORRENDOUS throw-back uniforms bumped the Bengals, 26-14.

As usual, the Bengals hung tough for awhile. I wasn't fooled this time. Even down by three in the third quarter I had no doubts that they would lose by more then ten. The Jets weren't a good enough team to solicit max effort from Team Mike Brown.

For once, Marvin Lewis didn't disappoint me. At least this one didn't come down to OT or the last minute.

It looks like Carson Palmer may be done for awhile. I wouldn't be surprised if they shut him down for the season.

Let's assume that happens.

I looked at the schedule today. The next lousy team on the schedule is Houston in a few weeks.

I'm guessing Houston is going to need to beat the Bengals as badly as the Bengals need to beat Houston. And guess what? That game is IN HOUSTON.

Chalk that one up for Matt Schaub and company, even though they suck ass.

So I'm going to go ahead and give the Bengals 0-12. That's right, no doubt in my mind, they're going to wrack up 12 losses to start the season.

I don't think they'll be able to pull off the 'perfect' season though. They'll catch someone sleeping down the stretch. So I'm thinking maybe one win or perhaps two. Three wins will be a miracle.

Here's the question, if the Bengals go 1-15, does Mike Brown fire Marvin Lewis?

He's under contract at least through 2010. The only thing Bengals' owner Mike Brown hates more then winning, is paying guys that no longer work for him. So a moribund 1-15 season would be an interesting conundrum for one of the worst-run pro franchises on planet earth.

My guess? Marvin Lewis would get another chance.

That's what parity-defying teams do.

The Ben Person Drinking Game!

First off, I think this picture speaks volumes. Ben Person, an offensive guard, isn't blocking someone, he's tackling his teammate.

It's a running joke. And I guess 'running' joke is indeed a pun in this instance.

I'm going down my checklist for the Buckeyes' game.

Ben Person false start?

CHECK.

Thank you NCAA for allowing the refs to call out the numbers of those committing infractions. It has further confirmed what I have been seeing for more then a year now.

Ben Freaking Person gets nabbed for more false starts then anyone playing college football. I defy you to disprove that statement.

Against Purdon't, it took all of three plays for Ben Person to get his false start onto the stat sheet. How in the name of Woody Hayes is this still happening?

EVERY SINGLE GAME, BEN PERSON GETS CALLED FOR A FALSE START. EVERY GAME!

In 2005, Ben Person saw action in the last nine games of the season.

In 2006, Ben Person played in all 12 games.

In 2007, Ben Person started every single game at right guard.

In 2008? As a fifth year player and returning starter, he still hasn't figured out how to wait for the fuckin' snap. Re-goddamn-diculous.

To his credit, BP throws a nice block here and there and is called on to pull often in Tressel's scheme. The false starts are just infuriating though.

The offensive line play has been maddeningly inconsistent and Ben Person's false starts are just another symptom.

If Ben Person gets another false start against Michigan State, go ahead and give yourself a drink. And by 'a drink', I mean buy a bottle of Jack and slam half of it. Maybe that'll make OSU's offensive line get motivated.

Pink slip!

And a deserved one. Although they're saying that Tommy Bowden stepped down and wasn't canned. I'm sure that didn't happen without a heavy dose of pressure.

Tommy Bowden earns the grand distinction of being the first coach to get canned during the 2008 season. It is debatable whether or not schools gain much by letting a guy go mid-season. There seems to be some feeling that TB had 'lost' the team. Who ever knows what that means though?

Interesting that offensive coordinator Rob Spence also left the team. Not sure I've seen that one before.

Here's the one thing that irks me slightly about this situation. The administration extended the contract of this guy in the offseason. WHY? What had Tommy Bowden possibly have accomplished to warrant a vote of confidence?

The Clemson AD said today that the extension was offered because Arkansas had sent out some feelers to see whether or not Tommy Bowden might be available. Are you fuckin' kidding me?

Tommy 'Chronic Underachiever' Bowden was worth re-upping to keep him from leaving for another conference? PLEASE.

The AD needs some heat on that one in my opinion. I will never understand why these schools are so desperate to hang onto mediocre coaches.

Kirk Ferentz gets an extension in the offseason? FOR WHAT? He's already overpaid. What's the worst that could happen, he goes somewhere else?

These schools can do better. These coaches get paid too much. And as a result, unrealistic expectations are the norm, not the exception.

What's unrealistic about winning the conference once in ten years though? Tommy Bowden couldn't pull that off. Even before the ACC became the 'next SEC' by adding VT, Miami and BC, he NEVER won the conference. That's damning when you've been at the same school for that long. And it's not like Clemson is Duke.

I've said it 100 times and I'll say it 100 times again. Expectations get coaches in trouble. Clemson started the season in the Top 10 and was favored to win the ACC.

To Tommy Bowden's credit, he went to a bowl game every year he was at Clemson except for one. That was 2004 when Clemson was invited to a bowl but declined because the team got into a brawl with South Carolina during the last game of the regular season.

It should be pointed out however that TB won only three of those bowl games. When you're not winning the conference and not winning the national title, the bowl games are the lasting image fans and alumni are left with during the nine months of offseason. Ask John Cooper how rough a road that can be.

The reality is it was over for Tommy Bowden halfway through the Alabama game. Sure, 'Bama is a good team and Saban is twice the coach TB will ever be. I'm sure the alums had seen enough though after only 30 minutes of play. This year the Tigers didn't even wait until the second half of the season to disappoint.

I never watched Clemson or Tommy Bowden all that closely. Frankly, they didn't warrant my attention. Or anyone's really.

I can say that on the few occasions that I did check in on the Tigers I found Tommy Bowden to be most uninspiring. I think Clemson QB Cullen Harper might agree.

"He got what he deserved. (He) tried to motivate us but guys were off the bandwagon."

Ouch.

I guess Cullen's comments aren't all that surprising when you consider that Bowden attempted to save his job by benching the senior QB in favor of an inexperienced freshman yesterday. Guess that wasn't enough for the powers that be.

Probably the best news for everyone? We won't be subjected to those ridiculous 'Bowden Bowls' anymore. As if anyone wants to hear from Mrs. Bobby Bowden about anything, ever.

Closers are not impressive

Not even close.

I just watched Papelbon or whatever the fuck his name is close it out for the Sox in the first game of the ALCS against the Rays.

I'm not sure if there is a more overrated position in professional sports then MLB 'Closer'. These guys are so great?

My take is, if they were really worth a shit they wouldn't be closing, they'd be STARTING. From what I've seen of Major League Baseball, it appears to me that pitchers that can't hack it as a starter get sent to the 'pen.

When was the last time a bullpen pitcher turned into a reliable starter?

I know, it happens from time to time but really? Any great starters coming out of the bullpen lately?

And seriously, what's harder? Start the game trying to pitch a CG or roll in during the 9th inning to pitch to three guys that are tired from playing the entire game?

And with that being said, Mariano Rivera is the most overrated pro athlete in the history of sports! That's right! I said it!

Is he a good pitcher?

Absolutely.

If he were really 'great' would be he starting?

YES!

Throw smoke for more then 15 minutes. That's what I want to see.

Otherwise you're a practice dummy as far as I'm concerned.

Eff Papelbon. Eff Rivera.

And eff you too.

Good night.

My favorite subject!

That's right, it's time for more SEC boot-licking!

This time the role of town crier / village idiot is being played by the venerable Frank DeFord. I actually find this somewhat shocking coming from a writer I hold in such high esteem.

DeFord is originally from Baltimore and is Ivy League educated (Princeton). He's been writing for Sports Illustrated since the 1960's and is a regular contributor to National Public Radio.

That all being said, I couldn't disagree more with the guy on this one.

His latest effort is entitled simply "SEC teams suffer most from BCS".

[SIGH]

I'm not going to belabor this if I can control myself.

My first reaction is simply, REALLY?

I'm sorry, did I miss something or were the last two BCS national champions from the SEC? How about three of the last five also? Clearly the SEC is getting jobbed in all this.

How many two-loss BCS national champs have their been?

One.

What conference was that team from?

Yep, the SEC. Louisiana Sate University, 2007.

The day after Thanksgiving, one year ago, the mighty Tigers lost their LAST REGULAR SEASON HOME GAME. For most schools that means you don't get a shot at the national title. For an SEC school though it means 'just win your contrived conference championship game and you'll jump the six schools in front of you to reach the title game'.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying by any stretch that LSU wasn't the best team last year and didn't deserve to be in the national title game. Hardly. I would love to bitch about how they got to play that game right down the street from their campus but that's not material, it's just sour grapes from an Ohio State fan.

What I am saying is that anyone complaining about the SEC 'getting screwed' under the current system is a damn fool. A DAMN FOOL.

It is all but a foregone conclusion that the SEC champ will claim one spot in the BCS title game again this year. The Big XII looks extremely strong and the Southern Cal is still lurking. However, for the SEC Champ to be supplanted would be a mild upset at this point.

Of course, that's even when you consider that the SEC is CLEARLY not as strong this year as it has been recently. I mean Vanderbilt? Are you fuckin' kidding me?

I'm all for Vandy but if you think Vanderbilt beating the likes of Auburn and South Carolina is evidence of the SEC's toughness you're sniffing too much glue. No, a Vanderbilt team that is undefeated is evidence of how mediocre some of the supposed 'heavies' in that conference are in reality.

There is plenty more to criticize as far as Frank DeFord's article is concerned. Frankly, it's not worth addressing at the moment. Perhaps later.

In the meantime, 'Eff the Red Sox.'

Not this year...

After some contemplation, I have come to the realization that Ohio State will not get a shot at the national title this year.

I know that many have already accepted that fate and frankly, playing in the national title game is a rare priviledge, not a given. That fact is of course is what has made that last two title games so hard to swallow. Consider of course that Ohio State won the national title in 1968 and didn't win another until 2002.

Although it's actually easier for a school like Ohio State to win it in the BCS era then otherwise. That's another discussion though.

My point here is the following.

There is no doubt that the Buckeyes have to win all of their remaining games to get to Miami. They removed all margin for error when they got clowned by Southern Cal.

Here is the problem facing the Buckeyes this season. Normally one early loss would not quash all possibility of getting back in the mix. However, what is different this year is the fact that Michigan stinks.

Yep, the enduring image left with voters at the end of the season this year will be Ohio State beating Michigan at home. That victory (and this is meant as no guarantee at all) will hold little weight with the voters this year.

And after the Michigan-Ohio State game? There will be two more weeks of regular season and conference title games. It's unlikely that even an impressive win over Michigan will be perceived as significant in the eyes of the voters.

Unfortunately the Buckeyes have used up all the benefit of the doubt at this point. The last two years of polling have shown us that when final ballots are due, you can somewhat dismiss what we've seen previously.

It ain't happenin' this year.

That's not the end of the world though.

The future is bright.

Terrelle is a freshman after all.

We'll see where the season takes us.

Bengals...dirt nap!

That's the Bengals.

Yep, the game was much closer then expected. Yep, Dallas failed to cover the spread. Yep, the Bengals could maybe have even won the game were they not, the Bengals.

The ability of the Bengals to play just well enough to make you believe before pulling the rug out from under you is astonishing. Simply astonishing.

The good news? The perfect season is still intact! Winless!

Lucky me. I get to see these assholes again next week when they visit the Jets. I'm sure it'll be just grand.

And finally, Terrell Owens, the whiniest, most narcissistic douchebag to ever wear a uniform had two catches today including a 57-yard TD. His team won a hard fought game today. How much do you want to bet he's in the locker room bitching this very minute?

Someone notify the authorities...

I just realized that with Chris Henry coming off suspension and Cedric Benson on the active roster for today's game, that this could really get out of hand. You've got those two miscreants in the orange and black. Then on the other side of the ball is Tank Johnson and Adam Jones.

Wow.

And the Bengals just did one of the most Bengal-like things I've ever seen.

They managed to down a punt at the Cowboy's one. They're good at punting. They do it a lot.

Except the guy that actually downed the ball had run out of bounds and then was the first to touch the ball. You can't do that you fuckin' idiot.

The best part is that there were no less then four other Bengals standing around the ball, any of which could have downed it. Morons!

So instead of starting at the one, the Cowboys start at the 20. Brilliant.

Congrats are in order. The first quarter is over and the 'Boys aren't covering.

Bengals-Cowboys underway...

Carson Palmer has apparently ditched the skirt in favor of...the really tight pants he wears football in. He started the game today despite a nagging injury.

And he got off to a good start. The very first play from scrimmage featured Carson Palmer throwing the ball to a Dallas defensive back. Nice work.

The Bengals can't do anything right. They should have turned it over on the kick return to speed things up.

The spread is 17.5. That's the largest spread on the board this weekend by more then a TD. Yet this is the national game on Fox. Go figure. Apparently Cowboys' 'Star Power' is the only force great enough to nullify the Bengals cosmic ineptitude.

I don't think Dallas covers. The games where you think the Bagels are going to get blown out are the ones where they actually show up, give you hope, then lose in spectacular fashion right at the end.

Of course, as I type that Dallas scores a TD on 4th and 4 from the 40 yard line and the 'Boys are up 10-0. They didn't hesitate for a second to go for it. Why would you?

Glenn Holt the Bengals kick returner is going to be the most worn out guy on the field by the end of the game.

Oh, and we have a Bobby Carpenter sighting! I guess he's being unimpressive full time as a special teamer these days in Dallas.

Cameron Heyward pads his stats by tackling Malcolm Jenkins...

Cameron managed to tackle Malcolm after the pick while trying to throw a block. In fairness to Cameron, Malcolm cut right into him. Still, would have been nice of Malcolm Jenkins had been able to take it home. A little salt in the wound for the Badgers.

Anyone notice that the two best players on the team right now have the same number? Jenkins on defense and TP on offense. The Deuce is loose. Indeed!

And speaking of Cameron and Malcolm. Check out Cameron Heyward standing there with the "I just want to get back on the field and kill someone" look while Malcolm jumps around like an idiot.

Beanie

It wasn't strictly the 'TP Show' last night in Madison.

Chris Wells carried the load and did the dirty work.

You can catch his impressive first quarter TD run here. You can see him mouth the words, "Excuse me sir, I'm on my way to the endzone, and I'm getting there by going through you."

You can also see Beanie drag Wisconsin defenders all over the field.

Oops, I think Jimmy heard me badmouthing him...

T-to-the-P

Terrelle Effin' Pryor!

The Real Deal. The Truth. The Hope. Tim Tebow is a fairy.

Hopefully that last drive against Wisconsin is what we'll be seeing from the talented youngster the rest of this season and for the next two years ahead. Although, I would prefer to watch Pryor do his thing while sitting on a comfortable three-touchdown lead.

Terrelle is undoubtedly tired today after carrying the hopes and dreams of Buckeye Nation on his shoulders for three hours last night. Now is no time to rest though TP. There are plenty of white women around campus that will need some of your time today.

It should be pointed out that Pryor and his teammates attempted to piss the game away several times during the decisive drive. Terrelle and Brian Hartline both fumbled. And some of those passes were scary looking floaters.

Incidentally, Brian Hartline's brother Mike Hartline, the starting QB for the University of Kentucky also fumbled yesterday against 'Bama. Mike was not lucky enough to have Brian Robiskie fall on the ball and save his ass.

And boy, that would have been strange if Robo had recovered a Mike Hartline fumble. Everyone would say, "Where did that guy come from? Why does he have a different uniform then everyone else? Why are their marijuana leaves on his helmet?"

If you want to read an overly dramatic description of TP's play from collegefootballnews.com you can link it here.

The photo above is evidence that James Laurinaitis actually played against Wisconsin. I sure didn't see him.

U-motherfuckin'-C!!

Yeah! Bearcat football! FEEL IT!!

Got to see Coach Brian Kelly's UC Bearcats for the first time tonight. As usual when watching Coach Kelly, I'm impressed. The offense is imaginative, the defense is aggressive. It's as if they're being coached to play beyond their collective ability. Quite a concept.

In the meantime, WE ARE MARSHALL!!

No really, we are Marshall. The Thundering Herd Head Coach is former Ohio State defensive coordinator Mark Snyder. And former UC Head Coach Rick Minter is the current defensive coordinator for Marshall. College football is an incredibly incestuous industry I guess. That's figuratively, not literally, as far as I know.

The Bearcats took down Marshall 33-10 in Huntington, WV tonight in front of one of the lamest 'white outs' I've seen yet. Can we get over this 'everybody wearing the same color' fad already? Wasn't this started by a Canadian NHL team in the first place? Do we really need to mimic anything that NHL fans do? Well, other then get drunk and demand fist fights.

Sure, Marshall is not a good team. They looked more like the Thundering Terd tonight. Their QB threw three INT's and probably should have been picked off at least two more times. His throws were so effing bad that the defenders couldn't even believe the ball was that far off target. Amidst their bewilderment they failed to close their hands around the ball.

It is important to point out though that UC scored 33 points with their THIRD STRING QB playing the whole game. Some guy named Chazz Anderson took the snaps. CHAZZ? Seriously?

That doesn't count Mr. Litigation, Ben Mauk either. You could count Mauk as another lost QB at then the Bearcats would be down to their fourth string QB. I repeat, a guy named Chazz.

Also, Coach Kelly spent the entire fourth quarter and the end of the third literally running out the clock. I don't think they threw a single pass in the fourth quarter. Woody Hayes is smiling down from heaven after watching the Bearcats grind out the clock.

I don't know if UC will win the Big East. They have a shot though. Especially if either of the other two QB's can come back and be effective.

That would be something if UC could get themselves into a BCS bowl game. Although that would almost assuredly mean Brian Kelly would be headed elsewhere. The next big-time program that needs to make a great hire would do well to go after BK.

Several good college football games this week already and it's not even Saturday. Although I guess it will be in about 30 minutes!

More Plaschke

My arch nemesis returns to Level 6.

First I ran across this column by Norman Chad. Good stuff. He takes the following swipe at Plaschke.

• Sportswriters know nothing. And when I say nothing, I mean NOTHING. The day after USC beat Ohio State, 35-3, the Los Angeles Times’ Bill Plaschke started and finished his column with the words, “Who is going to beat them?” In fact, five times in his column, he wrote, “Who is going to beat them?”

Who is going to beat them? Well, as it turns out, the next team they played.

As a rule, a sportswriter can tell you the best steakhouse in town and nothing else.

ZING!

Bill Plaschke didn't let another pathetic loss to an unranked opponent sway his opinion of the Trojans. Well, actually I take that back. He has conceded that USC is not in fact the number one team in the land anymore.

Nope, instead Plaschke now has Southern Cal...two.

That's right, no national TV yesterday this asshat stated that USC is the second best team out there. I'm pretty sure he wasn't kidding.

What a moron.

You see Bill, it doesn't work that way. We don't just appoint the Trojans to the title game because sometimes they look "real good". No, you actually have to go out and win your games.

I think I heard this same argument out of UGA fans last year after they pounded Hawai'i. Sure, you looked good against Hawai'i, that doesn't mean you should have played for the national title. Idiots.

More Georgia and Florida musings...

I'm not sure which was better, watching USC go down in flames or watching Urban Meyer take another bad loss at home. Credit Jim Tressel, he pretty much looks the same win or lose. Pete Carroll gets that 'dear-in-the-headlights' look as the clock winds down. Urban Meyer is just the best though.

For God's sake, you just lost a football game. It's not like our entire family has been diagnosed with Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome. Get your fuckin' chin up and talk about the game instead of moping around like Lucy just yanked the ball away from you again. You can check out his postgame news conference here. It'll give you the douche-chills.

Oh, and Urban 'Cryer' is living up to his moniker again. This time he's pissing and moaning about the Ole Miss player that blocked the PAT that would have tied it up.

Meyer said it looked as if Lockett hurdled another player to make the block. To Meyer, it wasn’t the first time it happened in the game and that he was constantly in the officials’ ears about the Rebels hurdling players on kick attempts.

“It’s illegal to hurdle a player to block a field goal and we warned (an official) early and they did it the whole game,” Meyer said. “I grabbed the (official) on my sideline early in the game and I said, ‘Listen, they’re doing this,’ and the guy made a comment that (Lockett) went through a gap. The way we teach field-goal protection, there should be no gaps.

“It wasn’t John. They hurdled the protection, so we’ll find out (by watching film) if that’s what happened and I’ll tell them that that’s against NCAA rules. I don’t think the kick was low.”

Oh, I see Urban. You teach your players not to create any gaps so there couldn't possible have been one. What a shithead.

And as for Georgia, someone answer this question for me. Why did the Bulldogs need to wear "special jerseys" at home to win a game they were supposed to win? Guess they can put those rags back in the basement.

Hey Coach Richt! Notre Dame has tried the same shit recently and it never, ever works.

Riddle me this...

Better to get pounded by a really good team? Or better to lose a close one to an unranked team or a heavy underdog?

Buckeyes were double-digit 'dogs playing at #1 Southern Cal. Ohio State was in it for a quarter. They were out of it by the half. The second half was mostly unwatchable, as the Buckeyes mustered 30 yards and zero points. It was an embarrassing, horrendous loss that many around the country must have relished and gave further credence to the claims that OSU has been vastly overrated recently.

Yep, that was about as bad as it gets.

Ten days later though the worm turned.

Southern Cal, the consensus #1 by a mile, went to Corvallis to take on the Beavers and found themselves down 21 points at halftime. Oregon State was a 25-point 'dog.

Keep in mind by the way, that spreads are true measures of how much better one team is then another. Spreads are based on expectations and are designed not to predict the outcome of a game, but to guarantee as much action on both sides of the line as possible.

That all being said, when you assess upsets, one of the best way to compare is by looking at the spread. This is how we know that USC losing at home to Stanford at home last season (The Cardinal was +41) was one of the greatest/most significant upsets of the last few decades. By comparison, Appalachian State was only about a 25-point underdog when they knocked off the Wolverines in the Big Outhouse.

The ironic thing is that just as Ohio State reinforced a pattern of poor play against college football heavyweights with the loss in L.A., the Trojans also furthered a trend of losing to PAC-10 lightweights they were supposed to dominate.

Which is more damning? Which is easier to cope with?

We weren't quite as good as we thought we were.

OR

We wasted an opportunity by losing a game we should have won.

The former would seem to be an observation regarding the players. The latter is more an indictment of the coaches. The latter is also what ultimately got John Cooper fired. Well, that and a total and complete inability to beat Michigan.

We saw two more examples of this yesterday.

First, it was Florida, ranked in the Top 5, playing at home. They were favored by approximately 22 points against a 2-2 Ole Miss team that had just crapped away a game to Vanderbilt. As you all know by now, the Gators lost to the Rebels by one point.

Conversely, Georgia was absolutely throttled by Alabama, again at home. It was 31-0 at halftime. I'll give the Bulldog fans credit, every single one of them was still in their seats when the second half started. It's a good thing too, because they witnessed UGA scored the most meaningless 30 points ever scored in one half of football.

The final score was 41-30. You are probably never, ever going to see a more lopsided 11-point win in your life though. Make no mistake, that game was over at halftime. I'm not sure what the spread for the 'Bama-UGA game was, but I'm sure Georgia was favored and that it couldn't have been by much.

So again, which was the more damning loss? Florida or Georgia? Gators or Bulldogs?

Hard to say.

Rankings

New AP Poll and USA Today Coaches Poll have been released.

The AP Poll is totally and completely meaningless in the grand scheme so we will ignore it, as should everyone.

In the Coaches Poll the Buckeyes have taken a giant leap all the way from 14 to...12 following a rash of upsets. Southern Cal and Georgia both lost yesterday and are both still in front of the Buckeyes.

And frankly, they should be.

The Buckeyes are far closer to where they should be slotted right now then they were a week ago. Based on what Ohio State had actually accomplished this season they did not fall nearly fall enough after getting pantsed by the Trojans.

Consider the following. After the game against Minnesota, the Buckeyes' opponents thus far have a combined record of...11-11. That's right, .500.

And guess what? It should be one game worse. Troy was supposed to have gone to Baton Rouge to play LSU. That game was postponed by a hurricane or a financial bailout or a garage sale. I'm not sure which.

Assume Troy would have lost to LSU. That would have given OSU's opponents a .480 winning percentage.

So again, if you think OSU isn't getting enough lift you should think again. There's probably a good chance they're still slightly overrated.

The good news is there are plenty of decent teams left on the schedule.

Next weekend's game at Madison looms large.

BENGALS PERFECT SEASON ALIVE!!

The Cleveland Clowns managed to win the Toilet Bowl today in Cincinnati, preserving the Bengals shot at an unprecedented perfect season, 0-16.

Carson Palmer was apparently so distraught by his Alma mater (the once great Trojans of Southern Cal) getting dumped by 25-point dog Oregon State that he couldn't take the field. Thanks douchebag.

Instead we were treated to the comedic stylings of Ryan Fitzpatrick, who hadn't started a game since 2005. And he looked it. Especially when you consider that the undrafted QB out of Harvard threw three picks and fumbled. Very Bengal-like. Well done Ryan. You're really coming along quickly.

Things will get much easier next week when the Bengals visit Dallas.

CRAP.

Hopefully Southern Cal can figure out how to get past Oregon at home. Otherwise we may be treated to Ryan Shitzpatrick again next week.

I'll take it

If you didn't watch the game, the final score isn't all that impressive.

However, Ohio State dominated this game and it really wasn't nearly as close as the final tally indicated. I am left wondering if the Buckeyes turned the corner or not.

My biggest concern all season has been the defense, not the offense. The problems surrounding the offensive side of the ball can be explained away to some extent in my opinion. However, the O-line needs some work. Jim Tressel anointed himself 'assistant offensive line coach' this week which I think shows he's aware there's a problem.

I thought the offensive line looked better today. I wonder if that has a lot more to do with the return of Chris Wells then anything else? Of course, one of the best runs of the day was by Boom Herron, who ripped it right up the gut for an impressive gain that nearly took it to the house.

If I could please nit-pick Terrelle Pryor, which is totally uncalled for, I think his passing is a bit weak. Not that we didn't already know that much. He appears to be pushing the ball to spots instead of setting his feet and unleashing the lasers we know he's capable of. That will improve with time.

Glad to see Todd Boeckman get in there and have some nice throws. He's clearly a better passer then TP at this point, not that anyone is surprised by that revelation. We will need Todd down the stretch at some point. He needs as many confidence-boosting opps as possible at this stage.

I just find this picture funny...

Yeah, this makes OSU look really, really bad.

I don't care though.

Anything that knocks the ridiculously obnoxious Trojans down a peg is thoroughly entertaining.

Fuck you Mark Sanchez. You suck.

BEAVER!

Pete Carroll pulls off more of his magic.

Another massive underdog takes down the Trojans.

I've never had more mixed emotions regarding a football game.

In the end, I'm thrilled Oregon State could beat up Southern Cal. However, Ohio State looks really, really bad following this game.

Remember, Penn State KILLED this same Oregon State team only two weeks ago.

RAPID FIRE

While waiting to see if there's any possible way Oregon State can hold on here...

It's 3rd and 2 for the Beavers deep in their own end with about one minute left in the third quarter. They're nursing a one TD lead after going into the half up by 21.

And...

they converted.

Amazing how quickly a game can change against USC. Oregon State is just trying to hang on at this point after dominating the first half.

I love also how down Chris Fowler, Jesse Palmer and Craig James were on the Trojans in the first two quarters. After less then 10 minutes of second half play they've now got Sanchez winning the Heisman and everyone else on the roster being eventually elected to Congress.

Anyway, I have slacked all week long and I'll now try and cover a lot of ground in short order (or not so short order as the case may be), thus the title of the post.

Here we go...

- Ohio State might be struggling these days but it could be worse. Check out the plight of these teams:

RUTGERS - After decades of futility, it was high times for the Scarlet Knight faithful in 2006. Star running back Ray Rice was a fringe Heisman candidate and the State University of New Jersey was briefly ranked in the Top Ten with national title aspirations that weren't drawn up in a comic book.

Now?

They're 0-3 having most recently lost to Navy.

You read that correctly, NAVY.

Plus, the starting QB slapped a fellow Scarlet Knight in the head after throwing the game clinching INT last weekend.

And you're complaining about Todd Boeckman?

Rutgers is finding themselves experiencing the most vicious of rides in college football, the rapid rise and fall. In less then one decade Greg Schiano's gang has gone from college football doormat to media darling newcomer, and back to 0-3 and losing to service academies. Wow.

Oops...Southern Cal lost...more after we regroup...

And the winner is...

Mark Schlabach, senior college football writer for espn.com.

It's late September, we're a few weeks into the season, that means it's time for some asshole to start proclaiming we're in for another "BCS mess." It's the first day of fall and Mr. Schlabach has dutifully fulfilled his obligation as know-it-all-columnist-that-conveniently-ignores-every-season-of-college-football-we've-seen-in-the-BCS-era.

Remember, this is the same guy that gave you his preseason rankings back in May with the Buckeyes in the top spot, followed by Georgia. He followed that prognostication up about 24 hours later by stating that OSU would probably finish somewhere in the middle of the SEC. Huh?

Then, even after Georgia started to suffer a rash of catastrophic injuries to various starters, Schlabach decided that the Bulldogs were his preseason #1 ahead of Ohio State. Genius!

[FOR THE PURPOSES OF THIS ARGUMENT WE'LL IGNORE THAT GEORGIA SHOULD IN FACT HAVE BEEN RANKED AHEAD OF OHIO STATE, THAT'S NOT REALLY THE POINT]

So I guess we shouldn't be surprised that this guy has the grand foresight to project exactly how the season will end. How will it end? In ruins. Ruins that will rip the fabric of civilization. God forbid we are denied our inalienable right to an undisputed #1 vs. #2 in the title game.

Here is Schlabach's hue and cry and lament for a happier time when sanity prevailed and national title games were a mere flight of fancy:

1. We're headed toward another BCS disaster.

Southern California is ranked No. 1 and probably won't get much resistance in the PAC-10. But what if the champions of the Big 12 and SEC also finish unbeaten? Which team will be left out? Believe it or not, USC might have the weakest résumé at season's end. California and Oregon are struggling, and the rest of the PAC-10 isn't very good. And how impressive will USC's 35-3 victory over Ohio State look once all the games are played?

What an asshole.

Did you watch any college football last season Mark?

Ohio State beat Michigan last season and on that rainy November day it was all but a forgone conclusion that the Buckeyes wouldn't play for the national title. THAT WAS NOVEMBER 17TH!

I don't think it's likely that we'll see as much turmoil at the top of the polls this year as we did in 2007. It just seems unlikely given the law of averages. It's certainly possible though.

And is USC a lock to get to the title game? I don't doubt for a second that they're the best team but as has been previously pointed out, the Trojans have a propensity to drop games they shouldn't. Don't bet the farm that Pete Carroll will get his crew to Miami just yet.

Oh, and three unbeatens from major conferences has happened only once in the BCS era Mark. Despite what the SEC'ers will tell you it was pretty obvious the year that Auburn was "snubbed" who had earned the right to play in the title game. If you don't remember check out War Eagle's non-conference resume that season.

Maybe we should wait until at least October to start complaining about a "BCS mess" douchebag.

SEC proposes solution to rising cost of fuel

Many SEC fans have expressed concern over the price of gasoline and the hardship it has created when attempting to follow their favorite football team around that Godforsaken land.

It seems that small, foreign, energy efficient vehicles are not exactly popular in those parts. The '84 Oldsmobile Cutlass is more the preferred modus operendi.

And while I'm playing into as many stereotypes as possible, I present you with the latest great idea from the Southeastern Conference.

The oracle...Kige Ramsey of YouTube Sports

The brilliance of Kige Ramsey? Less is more.

You don't need 1,000 words to break things down. Let all those other loudmouth assholes suffer through 'diarrhea of the mouth'.

At about the 1:25 mark of the following Kige addresses Ohio State's recent struggles.

Numbers for dummies

Given that the coaches and AP are apparently unable to accurately slot teams in their college football rankings, I present the following.

This should at least help with numbers "0ne-two-three-FOUR-FIVE, six-seven-eight-NINE-TEN, ELEVEN-TWELVE!"

Stupid sidebar of the day

That's me on the roof of the New York City Metropolitan Museum of Art last Friday. Gorgeous day.

Set in the heart of Central Park right along Fifth Avenue, it's a great place to take in Manhattan. And guess what? They serve booze up there on Fridays!

Here's my favorite part of this trip. Unbeknownst to most, you can pay whatever you want to get into the Met. However, they generally guilt you into paying about $20 a head.

My better half and I approached a ticket counter knowing full well that all we wanted to do was get to the roof for a drink. The stuck-up, young lady behind the desk told us that we would still need to pay admission to get to the elevator. She then informed us that her station was credit card only.

"That's fine, I'll charge it."

"How much?"

"Five dollars."

"Five dollars each?"

"No, five dollars total."

There is a reason I'm marrying this woman.

And please, by no means are we cheap. We've been to the Met before, we've paid full price, we've taken in priceless works of art for hours. It's one of the greatest museums in the world, even if you're not into art per se.

HOWEVER, this was one time when we weren't going to get bullied into paying $40 when we could pay $5 to get on the roof by some 19-year-old princess that tells all her friends she's some sort of art critic.

Art critic? The only thing you critique is the manner in which tourists approach you to find out where the nearest shitter is. You're serving roughly the same person as the dude stamping hands at the local municipal pool.

Anyway, as expected, the roof at the Met was quite the snobotorium. Certainly not overbearing though. There was just enough space and just enough douchebags lurking for us to have a grand time. Making fun of shitheads that don't know they're shitheads is the best kind of entertainment.

And here's the final note. The large works of art you see in the background are by a contemporary American artist named Jeff Koons. He's originally from York, PA and is one of the more successful modern artists in the U.S., from a monetary perspective.

Who cares about that shit though, right?

Here's the good stuff. In 1991 he married a Hungarian-born naturalized-Italian porn star with the stage name Cicciolina.

From 1987-1992 "Cicciolina" took time off from film work to become a member of the Italian parliament.

Did you get that? In Italy, they elect foreign-born porn stars to parliament!!

Wow!

I thought electing Schwarzenegger was ridiculous!

Sadly Koons and...whoever, are no longer married. And their son Ludwig is now forced to go through life with the name, Ludwig Koons. Poor kid.

I suppose his father's millions (Koons has sold his art for a fortune over the years) will have to suffice when it comes to avoiding beatings in high school.


Oh, and for the record, Koons' art sucks.

Boeckman and the Boo Birds

No, that's not some Jimmy Page side project from the 70's that you've never heard of. It's what unfolded yesterday in the 'Shoe.

Much maligned and badmouthed OSU QB Todd Boeckman saw his reign as starting QB and certified pussy-magnet come to an end yesterday. No one was all that surprised, and I'm assuming that includes Boeckman.

Things seemed to start off well enough for TB. He towed the company line and offered to pay his own way during his first year at Ohio State, thus maintaining a year of eligibility while Justin Zwick and Troy Smith duked it out for the top stop. That didn't turn out to be quite the battle that folks thought it would be.

Justin Zwick of course came in with the accolades and Smith was the afterthought. Only Troy Smith's own discretion's would ultimately limit him, causing him to miss several games including the Alamo Bowl against Oklahoma State as a result. Even all that couldn't keep Troy from claiming the Heisman Trophy.

Who would have guessed that Todd Boeckman would find himself in a similar situation? Like Justin Zwick, TB appeared to be the heir apparent. During the greatest ride of his life, Boeckman would lead the Buckeyes to the national title game, would be the Big Ten's most efficient passer, and would even garner brief Heisman consideration of his own.

Then it all came crashing down.

Todd Boeckman did well enough against mediocre competition. When facing any team with a pulse, it seems TB is woefully overmatched. To wit:

- The QB didn't cost the Buckeyes the game against Illinois, but he certainly didn't help

- He didn't cost the Buckeyes the game against Michigan, but he certainly didn't help

- He didn't cost the Buckeyes the game against LSU, but he certainly didn't help

And so on, and so on...

This all culminated against USC in the Coliseum a week ago. We didn't know it at the time but that would be it for the Todd Boeckman era. Barring an injury to Terrelle Pryor, I doubt we will ever see TB play significant minutes for Ohio State again.

It should be pointed out that while the change at the QB position is needed, by no means is Todd Boeckman solely to blame for the struggles of the team over the last five games or so. He is getting no help from his offensive line, no help from his receivers and no help from his coaches.

The most obvious example of this in my mind was the decision to run option with TB behind center against USC. WHAT IN GOD'S NAME ARE THE COACHES THINKING?

You have Terrelle Pryor, a world-class athlete on the sideline ready to play, and yet you decide to get cute and run an option with Todd-fucking-Boeckman under center? HUH? Why not just take a knee and then punt on third down?

To call that play once was bad. Perhaps you could catch the defense sleeping, PERHAPS. After it's sniffed out and stuffed once though? WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU RUN THAT AGAIN? Did you think Boeckman was suddenly going to turn into Randall Cunningham or Michael Vick?! WAKE UP!!

So anyway, as I said, it was time for the change. Boeckman might have the...grades(?), but Pryor definitely has the upside. The sooner they get TP up to speed the better for everyone.

HOWEVER, that all being said, why did they need to boo Boeckman yesterday after he threw one incompletion? That was classless.

I would never say that college football players should be immune to a little criticism. After having a rough stretch though and clearly demonstrating that his confidence is shot, why do people need to pile on Boeckman?

It was obvious that the coaches were already going in another direction. Terrelle Pryor started the fucking game. What did you think? Boeckman was going to come in, throw one good pass and then Tressel wouldn't go back to Pryor?

Had I been sitting in the 'Shoe near anyone booing Boeckman yesterday I would have gotten up and damn-near smacked that asshole. Why are you booing? These guys aren't pro's, they're college kids. Sure they're not "regular" college kids but still kids nonetheless.

How'd you like it if someone came to your job and yelled at you while you spilled coffee all over the break room floor? Assholes.

The facts are, everyone that was booing Todd Boeckman yesterday was merely voicing their displeasure with their own disappointing life. It's not Todd Boeckman's fault that things haven't turned out the way you'd hoped they would fatass.

Hang in there TB. The real Ohio State fans still got your back.

Goddamn, motherfucking Bengals

It is borderline insanity that I continue to give a shit about the Cincinnati Bengals at this point. How stupid can an entire fan base be?

Perhaps we shouldn't try to answer that one.

Here I am at home in Jersey City, NJ a safe distance from the insanity of Bengal football. Or so I thought.

Turns out the Bagels will be making not one, but two trips to the Meadowlands this season, and therefore falling right into my Sunday afternoon lap. Glorious.

Today was my first opportunity to watch the winless and awful Bengals. I was all ready to settle in with some Chipotle and see the Fighting Marvin Lewis's get pasted, hopefully with humorous results.

Wouldn't you know, the Bagels couldn't even do that right. Fuckin' assholes.

I should have known better.

It's games like these where you think the Bengals are going to get pounded. It's games like these where you figure you'll be able to flip to a far more entertaining sporting event before halftime. It's games like these where you think betting the farm on the favored Giants (even at a ridiculous 13.5 points) seems like a good idea. It's games like these that make you think if the Bengals could just get a break or two here or there that maybe they could make...[GULP]...the playoffs?

WRONG, WRONG, WRONG.

This is the grand travesty that is the Bengals. Just when you think there's no way they could suck you back into their emotional vortex, it happens. Just when you think you're watching a game strictly for comic relief, suddenly you're on the edge of your seat, screaming at the T.V. like an idiot when there's no one else home except for your pets and neighbors.

Even at halftime, with the Bengals clearly going toe-to-toe with the Giant Assbags, excuse me, defending Superbowl Champion Giant Assbags, I told myself the Bengals would lose by ten. Even when I talked to my father at the start of OT and he told me "I know how this ends" I didn't listen.

Motherfuckers.

How is it possible to watch this year, after year, after year and not realize that this is a lost cause? Eternally a lost cause.

Yep, you guessed it, the Bengals lost in OT. It wasn't as simple as that though.

With two minutes left to play in the game, the Bengals were actually winning, 20-16. The Bengals had taken the lead late in the game on a nice TD pass from Palmer to Whose-Your-Momma with less then five minutes to go. Of course, that wouldn't hold up.

After a modest kick return, Eli moved the Giants down to the Bengals' 30 in about two plays. The Bengals' defense is an absolute sieve.

As if there was any doubt, the Giants went in for a touchdown with about 90 seconds left in the game. You would think that would do it.

Losing the game at this point would have been far less painful then what actually transpired. I would have taken a nice moral victory and gone home.

The Bengals never make anything easy though. They make sure you have your heart far enough onto your sleeve that they can snatch it away and stomp on it with execution-like precision. ASSHOLES!

Instead of slipping quietly into the night, the Bengals rallied and drove all the way to the Giants' four yard line with four seconds left in regulation. With just a slight break here or there during the drive the Bagels could have lined up for an attempt at the win and still had time to kick the tying field goal.

Of course, earlier in the second half Palmer had failed to realize how much time was left on the play clock and was forced to burn a TO. Nice work. Because...you know...wasted TO's never come back to haunt you or anything. Fucking idiots.

So instead, the Bengals converted the field goal as time ran out and sent it to OT.

Who did you think was going to win the toss?

The Bengals?

[MANIACAL LAUGHTER ECHOING ALL AROUND YOU AS IF YOU WERE IN A DUNGEON EXCEPT YOU'RE NOT IN A DUNGEON, YOU'RE SITTING AT YOUR DESK IN FRONT OF YOUR COMPUTER]

The Giants win the toss and miracle-of-miracles, the Bengals force a punt.

Long-story-short here, the winless Bengals lost in OT to the defending champs and did it in almost the most painful way possible. I should have known better but I didn't.

I hate the Bengals.

And yet I can't stop rooting for them.

There should be a clinical designation for this illness.

Perhaps to make myself feel better I should go to the Buckeyes' game next weekend and "boo" Todd Boeckman for no reason. That seems to work for others.

In summation:

- Levi Jones is the worst excuse for a left tackle selected in the 1st round in the history of football (other then Robert Gallery).

- The Bengals' secondary is a screen door.

- The Bengals can BARELY run the ball. They seem to pass about 66% of the time.

- I can't believe I'm taking the time to bitch about the Bengals. I hate them.

- Good teams would rally around the improvement that they made this week on offense. The Bengals will instead go in the tank for a few games waiting for their next moral victory. Asshole losers!!

Conference strength

As annoying as it is to admit, the SEC currently sits atop the heap as far as college football conference dominance is concerned. I still contend that the jean shorts gang isn't nearly as far ahead of everyone else as they think they are. However, until someone proves otherwise, that's a trivial thing to debate.

As recently as the beginning of the 2008 season, a casual poll of football fans across the country would probably have given you the following order in terms of ranking the conferences:

1. SEC
2. Big XII
3. PAC-10
4. ACC
5. Big Ten
6. Big East

Although, I'm sure you could have found many that would have slotted the Big Ten ahead of the ACC.

I checked in on Jeff Sagarin this morning to see what his latest conference rankings indicated through four weeks of the 2008 season. While Sagarin is by no means the be-all, end-all of computer rankings, in general I find that I agree with his assessments more often then I do not.

And besides, he's a Big Ten guy having received his MBA from Indiana University after receiving an undergraduate degree in mathematics from M.I.T.

Wow, math majors at M.I.T. That must be quite a reunion. Put away the women and children when those guys come to town.

Anyway, through yesterday, here are the conference rankings using Sagarin's central average (which puts slightly more emphasis on the teams in the middle of the conference):

1. SEC (80.86)
2. Big XII (78.15)
3. ACC (77.38)
4. Big Ten (77.37)
5. PAC-10 (76.86)
6. Big East (74.34)
7. Moutain West (71.89)

Observations:

- The SEC, not surprisingly, is still comfortably in front of everyone else. That doesn't appear to be changing anytime soon.

- The ACC and Big Ten are virtually tied, separated by one one-hundredth of a point. Based one what I've seen from the ACC so, the Big Ten should pull ahead by the end of the season. However, with Miami and North Carolina rapidly improving that could change.

- The PAC-10 might be the most top-heavy conference of all time. Southern Cal is clearly the best team based on their performance so far. However, the second-best team in the conference, Oregon, lost at home to Boise State yesterday. That means the Trojans may be the lone ranked team in the conference by the end of the day today.

- The Big East is woeful. South Florida and UCONN currently sit atop the Big East standings, both are 4-0. However, going back to Sagarin's ratings, he coincidentally has S. Florida and UCONN next to each other at 34 and 35 respectively. Yikes.

- For all their great wins so far this season, the Mountain West is still well off the BCS pace according to Sagarin.

Hiatus completus

The brief sabbatical is over.

The pounding Ohio State received at the hands of Southern Cal last weekend shook the foundations of Buckeye Nation. The result made me (and certainly others) wonder if what "they" have been saying about the OSU football team and the Big Ten for the last 20 months or so is true.

The USC game also made me briefly lose interest in all sorts of important things. You know, like Ohio State football, sports, pizza...oxygen. [SIGH]


THAT'S OVER.

A few more thoughts on the Southern Cal game and then we'll put that behind us.


- While it is right and fair to link together the Buckeyes losses to Florida, LSU and USC, it is also correct to assess all three of those games in and of themselves.

- For now, it appears that the loss to Florida was probably the most egregious. The offensive capabilities of that team were well beyond those of the 2007 Buckeyes or the pre-Pryor team of 2008.

- In general, I find the defense' lack of punch in these high-profile games far more galling then the offensive ineptitude.


As far as Southern Cal is concerned...

- I am still hoping that the Trojans pound everyone else on their schedule, including whoever they would face in Miami. History might be a bit more kind to the Buckeyes if this turns out to be the case.

- Interesting that Pete Carroll has figured out how to get himself a bye before AND after his most important non-conference games recently. If I'm not mistaken this year is not the only year he's pulled that off. Carroll reportedly even told his recruits to stay home for the Ohio State game so he could concentrate on the game. It's good to be king I guess.

- Joe McKnight is perhaps the most impressive running back in the country not named "LaDanian Tomlinson". I find it rather curious that the star backfield burner at Southern Cal would have "Pay Day" written on his eye black. Anyone at that university ever hear of Reggie Bush?

Must see TV?

Try must flee TV.

I'm getting tired of turning off Ohio State games in the third quarter.

Which means it's time for another lengthy, cathartic, soliloquy. Better take a bathroom break and grab a glass of water before settling in.


Plaschke was right. He's an asshole (I'm still trying to figure out what a penalty in a game played six years ago has to do with anything). But he was right. There's a reason the Trojans have only lost one non-conference game at home since the Clinton administration.

I pulled off the dreaded trifecta this weekend. My high school got dumped in a televised game. My Buckeyes put on a performance that was all too familiar getting absolutely owned 35-3. And the Bengals were very Bengal-like losing to Hall of Shame QB Kerry Collins and the Titans.

Thank God the Bearcats had the weekend off.

I must say that if there was one time I was kinda-sorta hoping for the Bengals to lay an egg it was today. I just didn't want to hear Carson Palmer's mouth. He had another Boeckman-esque performance going 16/27 for 137 yards and two picks, including one late in the game when the Bagels were desperately trying to claw their way back into it. Thank you Carson. You didn't let me down.

I can't wait until next week. The Bengals will come to town visiting the defending Superbowl champion NY Giants and I'll get to see the carnage live in glorious hi-definition. I'll make a bowl of chili and settle in to laugh my ass off and the Bagels mind-numbing ineptitude.

Even with Carson's craptastic performance today, that miserable and pathetic dose of hubris will do little to alleviate the embarrassment and aggravation of the Buckeyes nationally-televised and excessively-promoted beat-down. And for the record, yes, that was three hyphens in a row. At least someone came to play this weekend.

Where to start?

How about with the good news?

Hey, winning is boring. At least that's what my father always says. I don't spend eight hours of my Sunday taking the pulse of Buckeye Nation when OSU rolls.

More specifically, Terrelle Pryor continues to show promise. Do not overestimate his performance though. Take away his longest run (13 yards) and he generated only 27 yards on ten carries.

Perhaps more important then his feet was his arm. TP was 7/9 passing for 52 yards and no picks. That's a total of 92 yards of offense on the 20 plays involving Pryor (4.6 yards per play). Keep in mind, this was the third college game he'd ever played in against probably the best defense in the country. He appeared poised and confident in his abilities.

Juxtapose that production with senior starting QB Todd Boeckman that was the most efficient QB in the Big Ten last season and played in a national title game.

Boeckman went 14/21 passing for 84 yards and two INT's. He also lost 27 yards on eight "carries" including those ridiculous option plays and five sacks. That's only 57 yards of offense and an abysmal per play average of less then two yards. Ouch.

We will get back to Mr. Boeckman before too long. As I said, we're trying to focus on the positives here, as difficult as that may be.

After their performance at the Coliseum, the pressures of a national title hunt are all but gone for Ohio State. The Buckeyes now rest at 14 in the USA Today Coach's Poll. I'd say that's generous.

Not to get off on a tangent, but this further illustrates the folly of preseason polls. It's beyond obvious that the Buckeyes are nowhere near deserving of their initial top five ranking. Yet after pathetic performances against Ohio University and Southern Cal, they find themselves still ahead of teams like South Florida and East Carolina. The Bulls and Pirates have both beaten ranked teams this season.

Even with another streak of major upsets in the top ten like we saw in 2007 (highly unlikely), the Buckeyes reputation has been sufficiently damaged to the point that a 2008 national title run is now the longest of long shots.

In addition to the aforementioned help that won't materialize, Ohio State would need to win the rest of its games by an average of about 25 points and would have to demonstrate that it is a totally and completely different team with Chris Wells in the line-up. Even that is likely not enough. The Big Ten has not distinguished itself in OOC tilts this season to any significant degree. Therefore, once again, winning the Big Ten will carry almost no weight with voters.

And let there be no doubt, the punishment we feared would be meted out by voters following the LSU loss will be all the more severe now if they are given the opportunity. Focusing on the positive though, the Buckeyes will have opportunities to salvage their reputation.

Remember, regardless of what happens the rest of this season, the Buckeyes will face those same Trojans in the far more comfortable confines of the 'Shoe next year. Might USC come to town with "defending national champs" in front of their name in 2009? If I had to put money down right now I'd say absolutely.

And frankly, that brings us to another glimmer of optimism. There are some that are saying this is Pete Carroll's best team yet. Think about that for a moment. Wow.

After the beatings the Trojans have doled out thus far and with no PAC-10 heavyweights materializing to challenge them, it's hard to see them not running the table. Oklahoma is the only team out there right now that looks like it's got the guns to go toes with USC.

The last time Southern Cal and Oklahoma met for the national title the highlight was Ashley Simpson getting booed at halftime. The game sure wasn't interesting. Final score was 55-19. Not that anyone thinks that particular game would have any bearing on this year's contest. Unless your name is Bill Plaschke.

So Ohio State fans, go ahead and root for the Trojans to kick the shit out of everyone on their schedule and run the table. History might show that the lynching the Buckeyes just endured was par for the course in 2008.

Searching for more positives? At least we got our annual punishment from the football gods over with early this season. We didn't have to sit around for six weeks convincing ourselves that we could pull this one off.

Everyone outside of Big Ten country is thrilled. We gave them exactly what they wanted. A resounding dismissal of the Buckeyes' national title aspirations before the season got interesting. All of the venom and vitriol that Ohio State has incurred over the last 20 months was further validated by Saturday night's result.

The only other positive thing I can say about this weekend is that Michigan lost. I'm not even sure that that's all positive.

Which brings us to the Big Ten.

It looks like right now that the BCS is divided into two separate levels. You've got the SEC, the Big 12 and a very top-heavy PAC-10 on the upper level, and the Big East, ACC and Big Ten on the lower level.

The Big Ten had the opportunity to get a nice OOC win yesterday and they blew it. No, I'm not talking about the listless Buckeyes. I'm talking about Purdue hosting a good Oregon team. Purdue turned back into Pur-don't and pissed the game away in OT. Oh well, at least they were in the game late. The Buckeyes were warming up the bus at halftime.

This may be blasphemy, but the best thing in the grand scheme of things is for someone other then Ohio State to win the Big Ten this year. I will probably change my tune on this one but in the immediate aftermath of another humbling defeat it seems like a 2008 Big Ten title for the Buckeyes would be further condemnation of the conference as a whole.

Maybe the Buckeyes could work their way into one of those B10/SEC New Year's Day bowls like the Outback or Champs Sports bowl. Perhaps then we could get that whole "can't beat an SEC team in a bowl game" monkey off our back.

On the other hand, how's this for a doomsday scenario?

Ohio State wins another conference title by besting a very weak Big Ten. Southern Cal chokes on apple sauce against Arizona or UCLA or whoever, and flubs away another shot at the national title. The Buckeyes then head back to LA for another whipping at the hands of Pete Carroll's club. The only thing worse then one drubbing at the hands of the Trojans is two in one calendar year!

That'll do it for now. Plenty more post mortem were that came from though.

Go Bucks. Or...whatever.