Five hour All-Star Game?

Yeah, we know that "this time it counts" and all but this is ridiculous.

You put the game in Yankee Stadium which, last time I checked was on the east coast. The game doesn't start until 8:45 PM, then drags on for almost five hours? In addition to the stands emptying out long before it was over, I'm sure 90% of the TV's on the east coast had been turned off as well.

Technically it's still an exhibition, right?

Of course, this cries out for some adjustment. It's fine if you want to make it count, but since you've also got these stupid unwritten rules about playing everyone that makes it a very, very bad situation.

No big deal, we can fix this. Here are three ways they could end the All-Star game as opposed to going to extra innings. After nine, if we've got a tie we'll do something else instead of playing more baseball.

- PENALTY KICKS. Drag a goal into the outfield, throw a catcher in the net, and let them square off. Every important soccer game seems to end this way, soccer is the most popular sport in the world, so I don't see why we can't use PK's too.

- SUMO WRESTLING. To keep it interesting we'll have three rounds. First, it's the managers squaring off on the mound, since they'll still be fresh. First one to move his opponent off the dirt wins. Second round is first basemen (we'll call this the heavyweight division, and ain't it too bad that Cecil Fielder's not still around?). And finally, "Asians". I don't think any explanation is required there. Best two out of three rounds wins the MLB All-Star game.

- PROJECT RUNWAY. Using only items available in their respective dugouts, both teams will have 30 minutes to come up with next year's All-Star game uniforms. Tim McCarver, Joe Buck and Carrot Top will act as the judges panel.

Can't you just hear A-Rod yelling, "Sequins! We need more sequins!!"