X Games!

You gotta love this country. Where else can you get hours and hours of human pinball with corporate sponsorship?

I'm not sure what's more entertaining about this garbage, the fact that these guys only "land a move" once out of every five tries, or the announcers that are taking ESPN hyperbole to a new level.

"OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! HE JUST RODE HIS BIKE OVER A PILE OF DIRT! DIRT PEOPLE! DIRT! THAT'S BETTER THEN CURING CANCER! IT'S BETTER THEN MOSES PARTING THE RED SEA! I DON'T BELIEVE IT! THEY SHOULD ELECT HIM PRESIDENT OF THE UNIVERSE! A PILE OF DIRT! BROWN DIRT!"

New events this year include delivering pizza on horseback while playing the harpsichord (Horse Pizza Moto X) and a staring contest (Staring Contest). I can't wait.

I'm sure the nit wits that dreamt up this rodeo clownery will try, but they're never going to top the greatest moment in the history of made-up sporting events. That was of course Jake Something-rhyming-with-bong-resin falling roughly 50 feet out of the air and slamming into the ramp hard enough to send his shoes rocketing into the first row.

I'm not sure whether I should be proud or embarrassed to say that I saw this live. When it happened, I yelled, "I THINK I JUST SAW A GUY DIE ON TV!" Incredibly, the guy walked away after laying on the ground for a solid 15 minutes. I'm sure he was just fine after ripping some tubes in the service elevator.

The best part of the whole episode that you didn't see in the replay, was the announcer for the first time actually sitting there speechless. I'm pretty sure that he, along with everyone else in the building thought there was a good chance the dude had just flat-lined before their eyes.

After about a minute of silence one of the dreadlocked ass-hats behind the mic said, "That was the hardest fall I've ever seen" ...and commercial. Hilarious!

When the guy finally came to and walked off the announcer made up for the dead air by proclaiming, "THAT WAS WAY MORE IMPRESSIVE THEN JESUS RISING FROM THE DEAD TO SAVE ALL OF MANKIND!"

Marijuana, it's not just for breakfast, is it folks?

Finally, I found it interesting that this wipe was featured prominently in all of ESPN's endless commercials for the 2008 Human Pinata Games. The interesting part was that for some reason they chose not to include the part where the guy hits the deck the way an empty bottle of Natty Light hits 17th Avenue. [RIM SHOT, CYMBAL]