OSU vs. YSU (43-0)

Color me NOT IMPRESSED.

Through the magic of the Big Ten Network I just took in the Youngstown State game for the first time last night. Thanks Comcast!

By the way, the channel guide clearly indicated ‘Ohio State vs. Youngstown State’ and yet when I booted up the plasma last Saturday I was presented instead with the epic battle between Coastal Carolina and Penn State. Thanks Comcast!

Not only that, but for some effin’ reason they replayed every single game the Big Ten Network had carried on Sunday, EXCEPT of course for OSU vs. YSU. Genius. Way to keep making friends BTN.

Oh, and their cameramen can’t seem to follow any play with even the slightest bit of misdirection. Terrelle Pryor looks left then runs right and suddenly all you’re seeing is Alex Boone scratching his crotch while TP races down the field.

The only positive thing I’ll say about watching the BTN replay is that they condense the game down to two hours with minimal commercials. So essentially what I’m saying is that everything about the Big Ten Network totally sucks, except for the guy doing their video editing, he’s money.

Anyway, here are my observations regarding the glorified scrimmage against the mighty FCS / D1-AA Youngstown State Penguins.

Todd Boeckman looks about as crisp as an envelope that’s been sitting in water for three days. So he’s in midseason form. His passes have all the velocity of a cable car meandering down the field as if they’re taking in the scenery.

Plus, this fucking guy’s been in the program for ten years now and still can’t throw a deep ball!? He’s still chucking up jump balls to Robiskie and Hartline. Hey Todd! There is no alley-oop in football!

And speaking of Heckle and Jeckle, what’s the deal with Robo and Hartline? They always seem to have a defender on top of them. I pondered this briefly and have come to the conclusion that this phenomenon is actually a combination of two circumstances.

First off, no one should be shocked to learn that neither Robiskie or Hartline possess the blazing speed that Gonzalez and Ginn had. They’re simply a step slower.

Perhaps more importantly, Boeckman’s slow read and release is a major factor. Side-by-side in your head Troy Smith unloading a laser downfield as compared to Boeckman’s passes. Todd might as well be participating in a water balloon toss the way he throws the ball.

Keep in mind, this is against the fucking Penguins' DB’s, not say, the Hokies.

Todd Boeckman has roughly a decade of collegiate coaching under his belt and still looks like he’s playing his second game ever. Conversely, T-to-the-motherfuckin’-P comes into his first game as a college football player and shows some moves.

I would play Terrelle Pryor for HALF of the offensive snaps against Ohio University this weekend. I’m telling you right now, we’re going to be utilizing a full-blown two QB system by the end of the season, because Pryor may be just that good.

Also on the offensive side of the ball:

- How do Youngstown State defensive linemen blow by Ohio State offensive linemen? Wasn’t this the same act we saw against LSU?

- Beanie Wells is made of glass. Fortunately it appears he’ll be a go for USC. I wouldn’t even THINK about playing him a down against the Bobcats this weekend. It’s just not worth it.

- Holy shit! We passed the ball to a tight end! Who knew we even had tight ends!?

As for the defense, they certainly did their job. At first I was concerned that the defensive line was not getting enough pressure but then I realized that YSU was almost never dropping back and trying to pass. The stats speak for themselves though, YSU was held to 74 yards of total offense. Only one team (Oklahoma), held the opposition to fewer years in Week One.

Aside from that, there’s not much to say about the defense except, WHY IN THE HELL CAN’T OUR DEFENSIVE BACKS CATCH BALLS THAT HIT THEM IN THE FUCKIN’ HANDS!? I’m tired of that shit already.

Now, you may think I’m being awfully harsh on Ohio State particularly when you consider that they held the opponent to less then 100 yards of offense and won 43-0. And you know what, I am. However, I saw most of the USC-UVA game though and I keep comparing that performance to Ohio State’s.

What it boils down to is I’m tired of seeing my Buckeyes get pantsed on national television by the elite teams in the country. Guess what? It’s possible, possible, that the Southern Cal team we’re going to play in a week is better then the Florida team we played two years ago and better then the LSU team we played last year. Possible.

Having great stats against the Big Ten is wonderful. That makes Ohio State the equivalent of Anthony Michael Hall in Sixteen Candles, King of the Dickheads.

If you didn’t see USC take on Virginia, well, I'm sure you've heard by now, they were quite impressive. The Buckeyes dropped 43 on Youngstown State. The Trojans popped Virginia for 52! Oh, and they did so on the road, 3,000 miles from home, against a full-blown BCS school that went to a bowl last year.

Stalled drives aren’t going to cut it against the Trojans. I saw way too much Ryan Pretorious last weekend. Maybe we should just challenge them to a field goal kicking contest instead of a full-blown football game? How about a chess match at midfield between Jim Bauserman and Mark Sanchez?

It should be pointed out that Ohio State certainly didn't play their starters all game last Saturday. Clearly USC did. Except for the RB position of course. They had four different 'backs take it in for a score.

We'll see what the Buckeyes have to say against the Bobcats this weekend.