Must see TV?

Try must flee TV.

I'm getting tired of turning off Ohio State games in the third quarter.

Which means it's time for another lengthy, cathartic, soliloquy. Better take a bathroom break and grab a glass of water before settling in.


Plaschke was right. He's an asshole (I'm still trying to figure out what a penalty in a game played six years ago has to do with anything). But he was right. There's a reason the Trojans have only lost one non-conference game at home since the Clinton administration.

I pulled off the dreaded trifecta this weekend. My high school got dumped in a televised game. My Buckeyes put on a performance that was all too familiar getting absolutely owned 35-3. And the Bengals were very Bengal-like losing to Hall of Shame QB Kerry Collins and the Titans.

Thank God the Bearcats had the weekend off.

I must say that if there was one time I was kinda-sorta hoping for the Bengals to lay an egg it was today. I just didn't want to hear Carson Palmer's mouth. He had another Boeckman-esque performance going 16/27 for 137 yards and two picks, including one late in the game when the Bagels were desperately trying to claw their way back into it. Thank you Carson. You didn't let me down.

I can't wait until next week. The Bengals will come to town visiting the defending Superbowl champion NY Giants and I'll get to see the carnage live in glorious hi-definition. I'll make a bowl of chili and settle in to laugh my ass off and the Bagels mind-numbing ineptitude.

Even with Carson's craptastic performance today, that miserable and pathetic dose of hubris will do little to alleviate the embarrassment and aggravation of the Buckeyes nationally-televised and excessively-promoted beat-down. And for the record, yes, that was three hyphens in a row. At least someone came to play this weekend.

Where to start?

How about with the good news?

Hey, winning is boring. At least that's what my father always says. I don't spend eight hours of my Sunday taking the pulse of Buckeye Nation when OSU rolls.

More specifically, Terrelle Pryor continues to show promise. Do not overestimate his performance though. Take away his longest run (13 yards) and he generated only 27 yards on ten carries.

Perhaps more important then his feet was his arm. TP was 7/9 passing for 52 yards and no picks. That's a total of 92 yards of offense on the 20 plays involving Pryor (4.6 yards per play). Keep in mind, this was the third college game he'd ever played in against probably the best defense in the country. He appeared poised and confident in his abilities.

Juxtapose that production with senior starting QB Todd Boeckman that was the most efficient QB in the Big Ten last season and played in a national title game.

Boeckman went 14/21 passing for 84 yards and two INT's. He also lost 27 yards on eight "carries" including those ridiculous option plays and five sacks. That's only 57 yards of offense and an abysmal per play average of less then two yards. Ouch.

We will get back to Mr. Boeckman before too long. As I said, we're trying to focus on the positives here, as difficult as that may be.

After their performance at the Coliseum, the pressures of a national title hunt are all but gone for Ohio State. The Buckeyes now rest at 14 in the USA Today Coach's Poll. I'd say that's generous.

Not to get off on a tangent, but this further illustrates the folly of preseason polls. It's beyond obvious that the Buckeyes are nowhere near deserving of their initial top five ranking. Yet after pathetic performances against Ohio University and Southern Cal, they find themselves still ahead of teams like South Florida and East Carolina. The Bulls and Pirates have both beaten ranked teams this season.

Even with another streak of major upsets in the top ten like we saw in 2007 (highly unlikely), the Buckeyes reputation has been sufficiently damaged to the point that a 2008 national title run is now the longest of long shots.

In addition to the aforementioned help that won't materialize, Ohio State would need to win the rest of its games by an average of about 25 points and would have to demonstrate that it is a totally and completely different team with Chris Wells in the line-up. Even that is likely not enough. The Big Ten has not distinguished itself in OOC tilts this season to any significant degree. Therefore, once again, winning the Big Ten will carry almost no weight with voters.

And let there be no doubt, the punishment we feared would be meted out by voters following the LSU loss will be all the more severe now if they are given the opportunity. Focusing on the positive though, the Buckeyes will have opportunities to salvage their reputation.

Remember, regardless of what happens the rest of this season, the Buckeyes will face those same Trojans in the far more comfortable confines of the 'Shoe next year. Might USC come to town with "defending national champs" in front of their name in 2009? If I had to put money down right now I'd say absolutely.

And frankly, that brings us to another glimmer of optimism. There are some that are saying this is Pete Carroll's best team yet. Think about that for a moment. Wow.

After the beatings the Trojans have doled out thus far and with no PAC-10 heavyweights materializing to challenge them, it's hard to see them not running the table. Oklahoma is the only team out there right now that looks like it's got the guns to go toes with USC.

The last time Southern Cal and Oklahoma met for the national title the highlight was Ashley Simpson getting booed at halftime. The game sure wasn't interesting. Final score was 55-19. Not that anyone thinks that particular game would have any bearing on this year's contest. Unless your name is Bill Plaschke.

So Ohio State fans, go ahead and root for the Trojans to kick the shit out of everyone on their schedule and run the table. History might show that the lynching the Buckeyes just endured was par for the course in 2008.

Searching for more positives? At least we got our annual punishment from the football gods over with early this season. We didn't have to sit around for six weeks convincing ourselves that we could pull this one off.

Everyone outside of Big Ten country is thrilled. We gave them exactly what they wanted. A resounding dismissal of the Buckeyes' national title aspirations before the season got interesting. All of the venom and vitriol that Ohio State has incurred over the last 20 months was further validated by Saturday night's result.

The only other positive thing I can say about this weekend is that Michigan lost. I'm not even sure that that's all positive.

Which brings us to the Big Ten.

It looks like right now that the BCS is divided into two separate levels. You've got the SEC, the Big 12 and a very top-heavy PAC-10 on the upper level, and the Big East, ACC and Big Ten on the lower level.

The Big Ten had the opportunity to get a nice OOC win yesterday and they blew it. No, I'm not talking about the listless Buckeyes. I'm talking about Purdue hosting a good Oregon team. Purdue turned back into Pur-don't and pissed the game away in OT. Oh well, at least they were in the game late. The Buckeyes were warming up the bus at halftime.

This may be blasphemy, but the best thing in the grand scheme of things is for someone other then Ohio State to win the Big Ten this year. I will probably change my tune on this one but in the immediate aftermath of another humbling defeat it seems like a 2008 Big Ten title for the Buckeyes would be further condemnation of the conference as a whole.

Maybe the Buckeyes could work their way into one of those B10/SEC New Year's Day bowls like the Outback or Champs Sports bowl. Perhaps then we could get that whole "can't beat an SEC team in a bowl game" monkey off our back.

On the other hand, how's this for a doomsday scenario?

Ohio State wins another conference title by besting a very weak Big Ten. Southern Cal chokes on apple sauce against Arizona or UCLA or whoever, and flubs away another shot at the national title. The Buckeyes then head back to LA for another whipping at the hands of Pete Carroll's club. The only thing worse then one drubbing at the hands of the Trojans is two in one calendar year!

That'll do it for now. Plenty more post mortem were that came from though.

Go Bucks. Or...whatever.