Proclaim to the world "I'm a moron" in three easy steps

1. Go to USAToday.com.


2. Find a sports-related article (usually one having to do with college football).


3. Post an asinine comment.




Free speech is alive and well. That's unfortunate.

For some reason mainstream media outlets including newspaper websites and sports sites like espn.com and cbsportsline.com have decided that giving readers an open forum for reaction and dialogue is a good thing. I say, it's one of the worst things to happen to the internet, ever.

Don't worry, I'll be registering a complaint with Al Gore this week.

Allowing anyone and everyone to anonymously post whatever drivel crosses their mind on a site with the breadth and reach of say, espn.com, is like handing a can of spray paint to a kid as he is released from juvenile detention and asking him not to put graffiti on the first wall he passes. There is no need to empower the weak-minded.

I notice also that primarily these comments are of the negative variety. An unfortunate circumstance present in our society is that people are far more likely to take action to respond negatively to something then they are to pay it a compliment.

College football in particular lends itself to ongoing discussion year round. Two reasons for this, first off, hardcore college football fans are nuts. NUTS. Right now there's some Ohio State fan out there having a heated discussion with another Ohio State fan about Bill Kurelic's 2009 Recruiting Forecast over on Bucknuts.com. NUTS.

In addition to the thousands of college football fans that have lost their minds, there's also the ambiguous nature that the sports conducts itself in. Without getting into the whole playoffs debate, all you need to know is that college football is the only major sport that uses inherently flawed polls to crown its champion. Oh, and most of the 120 or so FBS (the league formerly known as Div. I-AA) don't even play each other.

All that combined together means that there's generally more yelling at screaming about college football then any other mainstream sport in America. Naturally, this plays itself out where college football fans congregate (the internet) and have a voice (comments).

Unfortunately I am drawn to these comments like a moth to a flame, like a rabid football fan to the NFL Draft, like an educated adult to ABC's new mindless game show, 'Wipe Out'. I know it's all meaningless and a waste of my time but I can't help myself. There is some small degree of entertainment value too since this is one of the only places I find myself checking in on the lowest common denominator of social discourse.

The general rule of thumb is that by the time you get to the third comment you're usually reading something ridiculous, baseless, political or all three. I have no idea who these people are. They troll the internet looking for opportunities to badmouth everything under the sun. They seem to have all the time in the world. They are free to preach their bloviation in a forum that allows you to lob unsubstantiated claims without fear of retribution. Well, unless you consider other unsupported facts and arguments from men and women of equal and lesser status retribution.

Anyway, that's enough high-minded theory though. You get the point. People are idiots. Ground-breaking, I know.

I came across a perfect example of this today. There is a story on USAToday.com's website about Bobby Petrino, Steve Spurrier and Nick Saban entitled, "SEC coaches happier on campus then NFL grind" or something along those lines. You can read the whole article here.

The story was nothing special by the way, exactly what you'd expect.

I instinctively wandered down toward the comments and came across these gems:

First one out of the gate by someone calling themself "Tiger stadium" (with a picture of the Detroit Tiger's stadium next to the moniker):

- SATAN SURE LOOKS LIKE A PUPPET WEARIN THAT TUSKALOSER HAT LOOKING LIKE DUMBO

I assume he's talking about Nick Saban because I didn't see any mention of Lucifer or Beelzebub in the article. Isn't caps lock great by the way?

The second was from "b10forever":

- And with the SEC, one less concern for these coaches is the academics.

Zing! Funny!

The third from "bcskinner1":

- Saban and Petrino are bums. Be a grownup and honor your commitments. They way they left their pro teams was classless.

And here's the punchline to this endless diatribe from "rcoz58":

- Sounds like sour grapes to me from a bunch of loser yankee football teams. You know the SEC has the best teams every year. Play somebody you panty waist (Miami, afraid of a real conference) losers. You're probably Democrats as well.

Isn't that special? "Yankee football teams" and "the SEC has the best teams every year". And of course, "Democrats". Apparently Democrat equals stupid. Sorry, no one sent me the memo.

And what's that reference to Miami? Does "The South" end somewhere north of Dade County?

Nice effort there gang. Aren't we all better off for having shared our thoughts? No. The answer is no.

Of course, the best comment I ever saw under one of these articles was courtesy the Altanta Journal Constitution's website. As you'll probably remember the good people of Georgia made a stink last year after LSU won the national title. It was the typical "WE DEMAND A PLAYOFF OR WE'RE SECEDING!" garbage you get out of every school that thinks they got screwed by the BCS.

One of the responses to this outcry was by some credentialed official somewhere who stated simply that there would be no playoff because they didn't want players missing classes in the second semester too. First comment out of the gate, from someone who likely calls themself "The Mouth of the South":

- NO ONE CARES ABOUT EDUCATION

No one in Georgia anyway.

Long live the King!

The King of Spain that is.

Viva Espana! The Spainiards denied us what we all wanted from the Euro Cup Final. That of course was two hours of scoreless soccer followed by penalty kicks.

Fernando Torres knocked one in during the first half. That would be all the scoring as Spain would go on to drop the dreaded "nil" on Team Luftwaffe. It appeared as though it could have been much worse for the Germans though as Spain was peppering the opposing goalkeeper all night.

I would be afraid if I was a dumpster in Madrid right now. I'm guessing productivity won't be operating at peak tomorrow across the Iberian Peninsula.

Spain vs. Germany

Euro Cup Final today. Game starts at 2:30 PM eastern. Tune in at about 5:00 PM eastern for penalty kicks.

Here we come...

Walkin' down the street...
We get the funniest looks from,
Everyone we meet!

No, not the Monkees, it's the Bengals.

Ready for the Chad Johnson 'Summer of Love'? It's going to be awful. Strap in.

Guy makes me want to puke, but that dude can ball.

You can catch a Bengals preview from espn.com here.

And another...hardest hit ever...

That's Zack Dumas smacking some guy from Auburn back in the 80's. Both Zack and the unfortunate soul that got high-low'd are selling peanuts at a Mets game right now according to the ESPN College Football Encyclopedia.

Here's another while I'm on a roll...

Tito mother-fuckin' Paul against Michigan State. If I'm not mistaken Tito never, ever did anything else of note again except for this complete railroad job against the Spartans.

Holy Buckeye...Blog...Test!

And while we're talking Michigan...

Here's one of my favorite photos of all time.

More Tony Gerdeman is Never a Bad Thing

Another great contribution to the college football universe from The O-Zone's Tony Gerdeman. This time he answers 20 questions surrounding the Michigan Wolverines.

Also worth a look are Tony's 20 questions about the Buckeyes AND 20 questions about the Big Ten.

A sample...

4. Will Michigan beat the Domers?

Depends. Will the Michigan coaching staff be videotaped during the game? With Charlie Weis no longer calling the plays, we'll probably see more running game from the Irish. If Notre Dame can find a running back--likely Robert Hughes or James Aldridge, and they can establish some type of a ground game, then this should allow Jimmy Clausen to get his bearings back after getting repeatedly hammered whenever he drops back to pass. And make no mistake, Michigan's defensive ends will hammer Clausen.

I think I annually have a pretty good grasp of what's going to happen in this game, but this is a pure guess right now. I just have to think Notre Dame's offense will be pretty good this year and I'm a big fan of Notre Dame receiver Duval Kamara against Michigan's secondary. So to answer the question--No, Michigan will not beat the Domers. Wow. That feels weird to type. I'm almost positive I'll change my answer when the game approaches.

One reason to look forward to the 2008 college football season

Michigan's punter is still named Zoltan Mesko. Thank you Twinsburg, OH.

Robin Lopez ladies and gentlemen!!

IDIOT REPORT: Bill Rabinowitz

Talk about a lack of perspective.

Check out the first few lines of Bill Rabinowitz's, post-draft Kosta Koufos article now appearing in the Columbus Dispatch...

By 9 p.m., Kosta Koufos' hopes of being an NBA lottery pick had ended.

A half-hour later, the former Ohio State freshman was bypassed for a player who averaged five points in a French league.

Koufos' wait ended a few minutes later when the Utah Jazz made him the 23rd pick of the draft.

If he was disappointed, he did a good job of hiding it.


Are you kidding me? The guy was projected 19 and ended up being selected 23. I'd say that's as close to on the money as you're going to get with a pre-draft projection.

Compare that to Kansas' Darrell Arthur, who probably had aspirations of being a top ten pick, only to plummet to the bottom of the first round. THAT GUY is disappointed.

What planet is Billy Rabs on? Kosta Koufos is now guaranteed about $2.5 million and finds himself on a good team (Utah). To second-guess his decision to go pro at this point is flat-out fucking retarded. I don't know about you but $2.5 mill is quite a few more sheckles then I had in college.

Good for you Kosta! You're going to need all that coin to get laid with a mug like that.

Check the haircut!

This is Brandon Jennings, the top rated, incoming freshman in the country. He's signed a letter of intent to play for Lute Olsen at Arizona this year. However, Brandon is thinking about avoiding the NCAA and going pro, overseas. If Jennings goes to Europe to play basketball for a year, makes good money, then gets drafted relatively high in next year's draft, he could start a domino effect.

More importantly, he has an AWESOME haircut.

Further explanation from edsbs.com's Spencer Hall

Any self-respecting college football fan should be at least vaguely familiar with the best college football blog in the universe, everydayshouldbesaturday.com. The primary publisher of edsbs.com is Orson Swindle, which is an alias for the Georgia-based lawyer, and University of Florida alum, Spencer Hall (pictured).

Recently Mr. Hall has joined the college football crew at The Sporting News website. Whether or not his contributions are appearing in the actual magazine I don't know. While I like The Sporting News magazine quite a bit, I have stopped receiving it in the mail. Print media unfortunately is dying a slow and painful death.

Anyway, one of Spencer Hall's latest projects was to go to one of these "speed camps" that preps guys making the leap from college to the pro's. The writer/blogger/lawyer was taken to task and was beaten down considerably. The next time you tell yourself, "I could do that" while watching an NFL game, think again. That's Spencer Hall in the picture losing his lunch after the drills.

Unfortunately the first piece in the series is eluding me at the moment. It was hilarious. I'll try and track it down.

Scratch that, I found it.

Regardless, the more relevant second piece in the series offers up some theories on the mythical "SEC speed" vs. the slow and plodding Big Ten. I won't recap the whole deal but basically the trainers who run the facility Hall was training at told him the SEC athletes come in most prepared, followed closely by the Big XII and PAC-10 and that the Big Ten guys are a distant...last.

If I have that order incorrect all you need to know is that these guys think the SEC athletes are tops while the Big Ten guys are well off the pace. Got it?

The interesting thing here is you're not getting the typical BS about how the SEC guys from the south are "just faster". To the contrary, the trainers interviewed in the piece feel that all of these schools across the country (at least the elite programs), are basically starting from the same place as far as athletic ability is concerned. It's what the programs focus on that determines where the players end up when they're ready to enter the pro ranks.

Stop right there and think about that for a second. You mean chasing rabbits in south Florida (according to ESPN) isn't why the SEC schools and Miami and Florida State are "better" then the Big Ten schools? Boy, that's shocking that such a ludicrous theory would be refuted.

I'll cut to the chase here. I'm the loser that sends these guys questions so that the rest of you don't have to. Here's the email that I sent to Spencer Hall in response to his article:

Mr. Hall - Enjoyed your exploits at the training facility.

As far as your comments on the Big Ten vs. the SEC training regimen and subsequent results, I have a few questions. First off, the training facility that you chose is clearly within the SEC geographic footprint. Do they get more SEC athletes then Big Ten? Are they more likely to get higher quality SEC athletes that want to stay "close to home", so to speak? What athletes has this facility put in the professional ranks? I would have liked you to provide some of this detail to support your argument. Although I realize this is a sportingnews.com column, not a discertation.

If I'm not mistaken the disparity between the number of football players drafted into the NFL out of these two conferences on a percentage basis over the last five years is in the single digits. I could be wrong but I don't think it's all that significant on a relative scale.

I will not debate that over the last few years the SEC has proven themselves the best conference. I think that in general the degree to which the SEC is better then other conferences, particularly the Big Ten, is grossly overestimated. I believe the two conferences are nearly .500 head-to-head over the last few years.

Of course, none of this matters because Ohio State lost to Florida and then LSU. Ignore 1,400 games, we only need two to tell us everything we need to know about college football since 2005. Why does college football have to be all or nothing? The SEC is great. The Big Ten is terrible. There's no middle ground?


Much to my surprise, I received the following response literally within minutes...

The facility in question receives an even spread from all over the place, players-wise. (See clay's column for the list over at CBS sportsline.) Geography does not play a huge role in who they see.

The greater point here--and one that could have been more clearly stated-- is that when Big Ten teams have lost big games, they have been perceived as "slow," while when they win--as they do against SEC teams about half the time-- no one praises their "strength."

Training, like anything else, is subject to fashion. I closed with Michigan because that is the future: a blend of speed and strength with an emphasis on explosiveness.

I'm as homerish as they come, but I'm an empiricist first.
Thanks,
--S.

Interesting eh? Most importantly it should be considered that Spencer Hall, a registered proponent of the SEC and certified discreditor of Ohio State has given credence to some general bias as it relates to the Big Ten.

Mindless, stupid, spectacular

For those of you that have not yet caught the greatest, most hilarious, dubbed-over GI Joe PSA cartoon.

The Return to Madison Square Garden

It’s time for my second Madison Square Garden event of the week. For a full review of event #1 (Pearl Jam), click here!

Tonight’s festivities certainly will be far less entertaining but far less expensive. Well, less expensive for me anyway. The Chicago Bulls are about to shell out about $35 mill guaranteed to a kid that may or may not be worth half that sum. More on Derek Rose later though.

Obviously we’re talking about the NBA Draft, 2008 edition. Despite my previous diatribe about how I’m “over” the NFL Draft, there is still something very compelling about a pro sports franchise trying to make a good move while trying just as hard to not look like total fucking idiots. It’s a fine line.

Oh, and it should be noted that I am totally and completely ripping this concept off of espn.com’s Bill Simmons. He’s written 12 of these things now. Incidentally, you can read Simmons' latest Draft Diary here. That’s enough disclaimer.

The impact of the draft is actually far greater in the NBA then it is in any other league. Most teams will select two players tonight, which equates to roughly 17% of their entire roster. Plus, pro basketball is a game that can be dominated by one great player. They come around rarely so you don’t want to be the guy that passed on LeBron or MJ or Shawn Bradley.

Actually scratch that, you definitely want to pass on Shawn Bradley.

The other bonus for me is there’s no Cincinnati team picking in this draft which means there is no impending doom. How ‘bout those Bengals folks? Quite an organization eh?

Between the bad suits, the horrific interviews and the gross hyperbole, the NBA Draft can be high comedy. Enough BS. On to the draft.



DISASTER STRIKES!

Right out of the gate, I’ve missed the first three picks. I guess this mother really did start at 7:30. Oops.

Whatever, we’ll pick it up from here.

Derek Rose out of Memphis first to the Bulls. There’s something I don’t like about this guy. He seems a tad immature to me. I’m sure instantly becoming a multi-millionaire will fix that right up. It sure seemed to work for Kwame Brown. I really wanted to see whether or not Rose could put together two sentences during his interview. Damn you space-time continuum!

Michael Beasley of Kansas State goes second. Not surprisingly all the “heat” out of Miami the last two days was just that, hot air. If they would have passed on this guy I think they would have lived to regret it. Shawn Marion, Dwayne Wade and Beasley could make a formidable trio.

The very dapper OJ Mayo out of Southern Cal goes third to the T’Wolves. I think he’s a good basketball player, I just think he’s a handful. I saw OJ at the Reebok ABCD Camp in Teaneck, NJ in April of 2005. He seemed like an asshole then, and was more interested in getting face time with Jay-Z then anything else. I’m sure three more years of having his ass kissed and being given hand-outs has really improved his perspective. Have fun big-timing it in Minneapolis, Minnesota OJ.

The fourth pick is Russell Westbrook out of UCLA, who’s heading to the Supersonics. No one even knows where this team is going to play next year. Just buy an RV Russell. And speaking of Russell Westbrook, I have never, ever heard of this guy in my life. Glad to know my extensive knowledge of college basketball extends all the way through the first three picks of the draft. I wonder how many of the talking heads had Westbrook getting selected before his teammate, Kevin Love?

Here’s the ESPN Fun Fact for Russell Westbrook: “Could not dunk until senior year of high school.” What a burden. I’m 32 and the only thing I can dunk are donuts.

Memphis has the fifth pick and takes the nephew of Beach Boys front man, Mike Love. That would be of course Kevin Love, who I’m sure will be a legend at UCLA after a whole one season and little to show for it. That’s quite a legacy.

Kevin Love’s great talent is he can chest pass a ball from one end of the floor through the hoop on the other end. How many times a game are you standing behind your own bench and need to get the ball near the rim? I’d be more impressed if he could take one of those T-Shirt cannons and pepper the ushers on the upper deck with any degree of accuracy.

“Pick and pop” is Jay Bilas’ new catch phrase this year for the draft. I guess he got tired of everyone making fun of him for referring to guys’ “length” all the time.

“So-and-so is “long.”
OR
“He’s not “long” enough.”

“Pick and pop” is apparently where a guy sets a pick, then comes off the pick to get open and shoot. Correct me if I’m wrong here, isn’t that exactly what “pick and roll” means? And isn’t what Jay is referring to as “long” the same thing as saying a guy is lanky? Why does Jay Bilas feel compelled to constantly change the vernacular?

Time for the big one, the dreadful New York Knicks are up next with the sixth pick.

Predictably, the crowd at the Garden boos the kid from Italy. How clichéd is this? Ninety percent of the people in the audience haven’t the slightest idea who Danilo Gallinari is or if he’s any good. They would have booed the Lord, Jesus Christ if the Knicks had drafted him. Fortunately we were spared that incident when JC decided to stay at Jerusalem Tech for another year to work on his game.

As for Gallinari, there’s a 63% chance he’ll stink. Unfortunately Darko Milicic has kind of ruined it for the lanky white kids coming to the NBA from parts unknown.

Whoa! Awesome interview with Danilo! Are we 100% sure that isn’t a stretched out Ivan Drago?
The sorry-ass Clippers take Eric Gordon out of Indiana University with the seventh pick. Eric Gordon has the most prominent creases I’ve ever seen on anyone’s forehead. That’s what I’ll always remember about the great Eric Gordon, forehead creases.

Bad suit on Eric Gordon. White jacket? Black pants? Is he a shooting guard or a maitre d’?

Now they’re interviewing Knicks president Donnie Walsh. Here are the questions they need to ask this guy.

“Donnie, how on earth can you keep Isiah Thomas on the payroll after what he’s done to this franchise? Would you call what he does fraud or out-in-out stealing from the Knicks organization?”

The Milwaukee Bucks take Joe Alexander out of West Virginia with the eighth pick. This kid looked good in the tourney. Say what you want about Bob Huggins, the guy puts dudes in the league. Of course, some of them are in the penal league but that’s beside the point.

This gives me a chance to talk about my favorite Bob Huggins Bearcat of all time, Art Long. Getting arrested at UC as a basketball player is ho-hum. Getting arrested for punching a police horse is a cut above.

Jay Bilas is looking a little foolish at the moment as he had Stanford’s Brook Lopez third overall talent-wise.

The no-account Charlotte Bobcats take tiny DJ Augustin out of Texas with the ninth pick. The only question of consequence surrounding the Bobcats is, “How’s your golf game these days MJ?”

Now they’re showing Brook Lopez filling out his registration form to enroll in the Brady Quinn Draft Disaster Therapy Group. Hang in there big guy!

Holy shit is Stephen A. Smith annoying. Is he worse then Stuart Scott? That is a very tough call. I think they should both be relegated to the Falkland Islands where they can yell incoherently at each other without all the bright lights.

The New Jersey Nets save Brook Lopez from his own personal, nationally-televised hell by picking him 10th overall. Welcome to the Garden State Brook. It smells like shit around here.

Looks like Brady Quinn and Aaron Rodgers will just have to continue talking amongst themselves.

Wow. Brook Lopez’ brother, Robin Lopez will DEFINITELY be cast as Sideshow Bob in the live-action ‘Simpsons’ movie.

Stephen A. Smith is screaming at Brook Lopez. Surprising. Stu Scott just stated that Brook verbaled to Stanford in the 2nd grade? C’mon dude.

Jerryd Bayless to the Pacers at 11 out of Arizona. He is wearing the same suit that Morgan Freeman wore in Bruce Almighty.

“The only guard to score a hole in one when he was ten years old” according to Disco Stu. That would be relevant if this were the PGA Draft Stuart. I’m sure a nice back-swing will come in real handy on the hardwood.

Jason Thompson out of Rider University to the Sacramento Kings at 12. Never heard of this guy. Are you kidding me? A lottery pick out of Rider? Yikes.

Next up Portland. The ‘Blazers won the pre-draft lottery last year landing the first pick as a total long shot while the league worst Celtics got hosed. How’d that turn out?

The Trailblazers take Brandon Rush out of Kansas. Pretty good player I think. A lanky shooter that’s 6’6”. If I’m not mistaken this is the third time he has declared for the draft. He tried to come out of high school, then tried to come out last year before injuring himself. Now he’s in the NBA and has a national title to boot. Plus he’s going to play with Oden, and others. I think things turned out just fine for Brandon.

Golden State takes Anthony Randolph out of LSU 14. HOLY SHIT DID I READ THAT CORRECT? He’s 6’10”, 197 POUNDS! He’s a foot taller then me and outweighs me by two pounds.

That’ll do it for the lottery picks.

Here’s the buffoon Dick Vitale to analyze the lottery. While screaming.

Dicky loves Kevin Love.

Dicky loves Dalinari.

Dicky loves his glass eye.

The Suns take Sideshow Bob at 15. That’s a major cash infusion for the Lopez clan. Good move by their father bailing on the family.

Nice looking hat on Robin Lopez!

We’re now entering Kosta Koufos territory!

Stu to Van Gundy: How’s he going to play away from his brother?

Van Gundy: I don’t know the answer to that Stuart, but I do know this, the Suns just got a great defender.

I think Van Gunday just channeled ‘Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer’.

Marreese Speights out of Florida to the 76ers at 16. He’s 6’10”, 250 lbs. So that makes him more then 50 pounds heavier then Anthony Randolph who is also 6’10”, and who was taken two picks ahead of Marreese. I’m pretty sure Mr. Speights ain’t all that great. He couldn’t get it done against a very mediocre Ohio State team in December.

With the 17th pick, the Raptors take Roy Hibbert out of Georgetown. I will remember Roy Hibbert for the epic showdown that never materialized between he and Greg Oden. Of course, we’ll always have this.

[ODEN DUNK OVER JEFF GREEN]

Darrell Arthur out of Kansas is working that gum like he’s waiting on a verdict. He’s the last guy in the “green room”. The great thing about the green room for the NBA Draft? You’re just sitting there in front of everyone in the place looking like a jackass. That sounds fun. Wipe your tears with cash Darrell. It’ll make the pain go away.

The Wizards take JaVale McGee out of Nevada at 18. Never heard of him. He’s 7’ tall with a 7’6” wingspan. So if he’s riding on a plane and it’s going down, all he needs to do is stick his arms out the window and everything will be fine. He’s the first WNBA-NBA legacy. That’s special.

The ‘Blazers send Brandon Rush and Jarrett Jack to the Pacers for Ike Diogu and Jerryd Bayless. Everything I said about things turning out OK for Brandon Rush? Yeah, that didn’t last long. The Pacers are awful.

Andy Katz: Brandon, you’re being moved from one place you know nothing about to another place and organization you know nothing about. What’s your reaction?

Brandon Rush: Uhh…[STARES OFF INTO SPACE].

The Cavs are on the clock! This might be the last time I give a crap the rest of the night.

Could be either Darrell Arthur or Kosta Koufos here. Could also be Beanie Wells for all I know.

Darrell is approaching two hours since the draft started. Ouch.

Cavs take…JJ Hickson out of NC State. What can I say about JJ? Just about…nothing. What was his name again?

Hmmm…

Why would you go to the draft if you weren’t GUARANTEED to go in the Top Ten? Then again, I’ve seen Euros come out of the crowd to come on stage late in the second round at the NBA Draft. I’ll give Darrell, this much, he’s not running for cover the way Brady Quinn did. Although he does appear to be filling out a registration form of some sort.

And Denver has just traded away their only pick for 2008. I believe Stu just said that’s two years in a row. Are they too busy snowboarding to deal with the draft?

Charlotte takes Alexis Ajinca out of France with the 20th pick. And on queue, we get a Euro coming out of the crowd after he is selected!!!! So now Darrell Arthur has to suffer the indignity of getting bypassed for a spectator. Ouch.

This guy is 7’0” with a 7’8” wingspan? Is he a basketball player or a condor?

Speaking of Europe, here’s a quick preview in a special blue font of the Euro Cup Soccer Final which will be Sunday. Two titans, Spain and Germany will square off.

- The game will start, there will be lots of running and passing.

- No points will be scored in regulation.

- No points will be scored in OT.

- Penalty kicks will determine the winner.

This has been your official Level 6 Euro Cup Final preview.

Nets now on the clock again. Will they bail out Darrell Arthur?

Jay Bilas just questioned his own assessment of not-yet-drafted DeAndre Jordan, “I’ve probably got him too high.” I think that’s a first.

And the Nets take Ryan Anderson out of Cal at 21.

Stu Scott repeats an earlier observation, “People keep saying the PAC-10 isn’t a basketball conference, but we’ve seen a lot of PAC-10 players come off the board already.” Isn’t UCLA the most successful college basketball school ever? Isn’t Arizona damn good? Who is Stu talking to that is claiming the PAC-10 can’t ball? I get the impression he overheard that in the men’s room before the telecast.

As they go to commercial, Stu again speaking about Darrell Arthur, “Will he go to Orlando? Does he have what it takes?” Does he have what it takes to what? Sit there for a few more minutes? Holy shit is Stuart Scott annoying.

At 22, Orlando takes Courtney Lee out of Western Kentucky.

Jay Bilas had Darrell Arthur at nine. That means someone definitely told Darrell he could sneak into the top six. He’s still sitting there with the 23rd pick coming up. He’s been sitting there for more then two hours. Brutal.

Utah takes Kosta Koufos at 23! Nice spot for Kosta. Jerry Sloan is the longest tenured coach in the league for a reason. They’re not flashy but they win a lot of games. Isn’t 23 exactly where Daquan Cook went last year when everyone said he was nuts for coming out after one year?

Stu Scott going on about how many freshman we’ve had picked. D’uh Stu, this is only the second year of the “one year in college rule” you fucking dolt. Shocking that we’re getting tons of freshman picked in the draft these days.

The Sonics take Serge Ibaka out of Congo at 24. That’s another guy coming out of the stands after he’s picked. Things aren’t really improving for Darrell Arthur are they? He’s gone from Top Ten NBA Draft pick to potentially falling out of the first round. Second round contracts aren’t even guaranteed.

According to the ESPN graphics department, Serge Ibaka, MUST IMPROVE: Experience

What does that mean? Travel the world? Join a book club? Bang a lot of chicks?

With the 25th pick the Rockets take Nicolas Batum out of France. ANOTHER guy coming out of the stands. That’s three that have passed Darrell Arthur on their way from the spectator section through the “green room” to the stage.

Stu just said Darrell’s mother quit her job as a truck driver to follow her son’s collegiate basketball career. I have no response to that.

Ric Bucher and his hair just said Darrell has some kidney problem that he wouldn’t get tested for which is why he’s plummeting. Is he going to be the first guy ever to come to the “green room” and not get drafted?

Kansas coach Bill Self has apparently called ESPN’s Andy Katz to let him know that, “As far as Kansas is concerned he’s completely healthy.” Sure Bill. Thanks for weighing in. Now just go back to staring at your national championship trophy and dumping bourbon on your head.

At 26, the Spurs take George Hill from IUPUI.

At 27, the Hornets take Darrell Arthur!!! All right!! Why do I care? I guess…I don’t. The dude was dying 1,000 deaths on national TV. It made me uncomfortable.

Darrell is apparently headed to Portland anyway. Good deal for him. Sweet relief!

At 28, the Grizzlies take Donte Green out of Syracuse. Another freshman. Here’s a classic case of why the ‘one and done rule’ is ludicrous. This guy made a whopping 41% of his shots. If teams are willing to take a flyer on guys with no production whatsoever in the first round, what’s the point? They need to either go to the college baseball model or let them come out of high school to the pro's.

Ric Bucher and his hair clarify that the kidney issue with Darrell Arthur came from GM’s, not the league’s physical. So basically what you’re telling us Ric is that you and your hair bought hook, line and sinker a bunch of pre-draft BS generally designed to scare other teams away from a guy?

At 29, the Pistons select DJ White from Indiana. Good player. Guy dominated the Big Ten, and he’s a hoss. I think DJ will hang around the league for 10 years, barring injury. Of course, I’m unemployed and writing 4,000 words about a draft and a league I barely care about on a weeknight. Make your own judgment.

Four seniors taken in the first round so far. Don’t we tell kids to “Stay in school”?

Mercifully we’ve arrived at the Celtics’ pick, the last pick of the first round.

Raise your hand if you’re sick of Boston? Red Sox? Patriots? Now the Celtics? Go ahead, even if you’re alone at home reading this in a dark room, just raise your hand and nod approvingly.

Here’s the difference between the Nuggets and the Celtics. The Nuggets didn’t like the time constraints of the draft, it was cutting into happy hour. The Celtics on the other hand have realized that when that little draft clock off to the side of the screen runs out, nothing happens. There is no buzzer, no mushroom cloud, nothing. Seriously, the clock hit zero on their pick at least three minutes ago and no one seems close to making this selection.

The Celtics finally take JR Giddens out of New Mexico with the last pick of the first round.

Three hours to get through the first round. I bet it felt like 30 for Darrell Arthur.

Dicky V. is explaining the lunacy of the ‘one and done rule’. I already made this point Dicky. Let’s move on, shall we?

Barring something really, really interesting happening, that’ll do it for the 2008 NBA Draft here from the home office. Of course, there’s always the off chance that Andrew Stein (who’s at MSG right now) will run out of the stands and throw something heavy at NBA Commissioner David Stern.

And as soon as I say that the ‘Blazers take Memphis’ Joey Dorsey with the 33rd pick. Joey Dorsey will go down in Ohio State lore for calling out Greg Oden and then coming up beyond small in their NCAA tourney game two years ago. There’s a reason Joey Dorsey was selected in the 2nd round and Greg Oden went #1 overall.

Did I mention Dorsey came out of the bleachers after he was selected? Seriously, he was in the stands with the Euros.

And as soon as I write that Kansas’ Mario Chalmers comes out of the stands as he is selected 34th by Minnesota.

Maybe instead of the green room, the NBA could rent out that shit-hole Irish bar across the street from the Garden to corral these guys in? How much better would that be? They stand around for hours (it’s now been over three and a half) getting bombed on flat Bud Light drafts waiting to be picked. When they hear their name they’ll have to hastily make their way across 8th Avenue to MSG with a strong buzz while avoiding cab drivers that have zero regard for human life. Now THAT would be entertaining.

THREE IN A ROW!!

DeAndre Jordon comes out of the bleachers and out of Texas A&M is selected 35th by the Clippers. Bilas had this guy 18. So again, I’m guessing he thought he had a chance at the bottom end of the lottery.

Bilas also just said that he shoots 41% from the free throw line. There are literally sixth graders that shoot better then that from the charity stripe. That's just AWFUL.

Good thing this guy came out after his freshman year. Now he’s the 35th pick in the draft with no guarantees of anything. For those of you scoring at home, the 18th pick in the draft will be guaranteed about $3 million, the 35th won’t be guaranteed bus fare.

The nation of Turkey is on the board as Omar Asik goes to the Blazers at 36.

Luc Richard Mbah A Moute at 37th to the Bucks. Quite the rarity, a junior being drafted out of UCLA. Good luck fitting 'Richard Mbah A Moute' on the back of that jersey.

ESPN’s graphic indicates that Luc MUST IMPROVE: Excess nomenclature

Sonny Weems goes to the Bulls at 39. Sonny Weems folks. Sonny Weems.

Memphis’ CDR is off the board at 40, to the Nets.

Sacramento takes Patrick Ewing Jr. at 43. Very mediocre ball player. No way he gets drafted without the last name. Not that I dislike Patrick Ewing or his son.

Now Stu is interviewing Pacers’ GM Larry Bird. Wow, dynamic guy Larry Legend. I think Larry might be on Quaaludes tonight. Is that drool?

Bill Walker was taken 47th overall by Washington. I saw Bill player better then Greg Oden, Mike Conley, OJ Mayo, Marreese Speights, and others at ABCD in Teaneck three years ago. He has had some knee issues but there’s a reason they call him Bill “Sky” Walker.

Welcome to the NBA Darrell Arthur. You waited three hours to get drafted. Now you’ve been traded to Portland for a monetary sum TBD after they see if you blow or not. You are property now.

As a matter of fact, Kansas is getting pushed around quite a bit tonight. We have Darrell Arthur waiting forever, Brandon Rush gets moved from Portland to Indy and now Mario Chalmers is traded to Miami.

And here’s the final kick in the balls for those three. Their teammate, Borat, excuse me Sasha Kaun, is selected by the Sonics at 56. That’s not the stunner though. According to Jay Bilas, he’ll make more money overseas then any of the other Kansas players will in the States this season.

Brady Quinn’s Draft Disaster Therapy Group is going to need three more chairs.

Before the NBA Draft, some leftovers from the NFL Draft

Quick, name your favorite moment of the NFL Draft.

Waiting...waiting...waiting.

Did Fan Man ever collide with a top pick as he strode onto the stage?

No?

OK, then maybe it's Peyton Manning being selected 1 OVER the immortal Ryan Leaf? No? Do you ever sit down listing great sports moments in your head and slot "Peyton Manning 1 overall to the Colts" somewhere?

Me neither.

Here's another test...name your favorite NFL team's top draft pick of 2007.

HURRY!

Sadly I can relate that I know this one, it was Leon Hall, CB out of Michigan to the Bengals in the first round. I don't even remember where the Bengals picked in the first round. Late teens I think?

All I know is that Leon was an OK player, certainly nothing special. He might turn out to be great. And he might turn out to be very, very mediocre. Neither result would surprise me in the least.

While I look forward to it with great anticipation every year, I think I may be over the NFL Draft. I missed it almost entirely this year due to a wedding. I read about it extensively of course and realized that having not watched it live, I missed…nothing.

What the draft does have is the ability to debate instantaneously major moves by an NFL team. And the best part? No one, particularly the numerous analysts covering the draft, is ever wrong because nothing about a draft pick is really known for years after they're selected. That's right, you and I are roughly as qualified to assess draft picks as the guys that get paid to do so. If you exhale carbon dioxide, you can analyze a draft.

The NFL Draft draws college football fans and pro football fans alike. And it does so approximately halfway between the end of the pro football season and the beginning of the college football season (training camp). Perfectly slotted for the football-deprived.

And yet the reality is even the best pro football franchises bat about .500 when it comes to draft picks. About half pan out the way you would expect them to. The rest are gone before you even memorize their names and numbers.

As a side note, it should be pointed out that late April is the start of the NHL playoffs, the start of the NBA playoffs and the first act of the MLB season. Oh, and March Madness wraps up in April these days too. So it's not as if there are no other options this time of year.

Is it worth mentioning that the weather starts to improve in April too? Well, at least it does where I live. In places like Florida and Arizona and Texas April marks the beginning of $800/monthair-conditioning-bill season. The south is great in March. See how much fun it is in June.

Anyway, the point is that it's not like you're stuck in the middle of an Alaskan winter when the NFL Draft rolls around to save you. There's PLENTY going on this time of year.

Back to my original question though, my favorite draft moment? That's easy, 2007, Ted Ginn Jr., 9 to the Dolphins. Brady Quinn? What'd you think of that pick buddy? You worthless jerkoff? Seriously, this is worth another look.

These five minutes worth of draft footage pretty much sum it up. Steve Young has BQ with the Dolphins before the Commissioner walks to the podium. The crowd goes nuts and Mel Kiper Jr. is incensed. The Dolphins according to him have just passed up Dan Marino. Easy Mel.

The best part is the panel knows absolutely nothing about how the rest of the draft will go. Wasn't Tom Brady drafted in the 6th round? Who's to say Tom Brady won't show up in a subsequent round for the Dolphins?

Again though, if you didn't check out the clip, you should. The look on Brady's face is priceless.

While you could easily make the argument that the Dolphins screwed it up, the truth is you still don't know. I went to the Jets-Browns game and there were more Brady Quinn jerseys in the stands then Chad Pennington or Kellen Clemens jerseys, I know that much. Teddy Ginn Jr. would be considered a disappointment to this point but you have to give him the benefit of the doubt. Hard to shine when you're on the worst team in the league with no offensive line, no quarterback and no running back.

As I have just stated in previous paragraphs, no assessment of Brady Quinn vs. Ted Ginn Jr. would be remotely accurate until the two players have been in the league for at least three years. Even then we could be talking preliminary observations.

What I will never, ever forget about the Dolphins picking Teddy at 9 overall was the universally accepted notion that Miami would select Brady Quinn. To a man, the entire cast of the ESPN coverage knew (not thought, KNEW) that the Notre Dame QB was headed to south Florida. I don't know how many times we have to be taught this lesson but another chapter was served up yet again. NOTHING is certain when it comes to sports. And other then death and taxes, I'm not sure there are any absolutes in the rest of our lives either.

It should also be pointed out that approximately 20 teams passed on Brady Quinn, including the one that eventually saved him from his draft day free fall. I'm guessing if he was the uber-prospect he was purported to be, someone else would have taken him in the first 20 picks regardless of their own QB situation.

Pearl Jam, Madison Square Garden, 6/24/08

OK, wanted to get this down while it’s still fresh.

First off, Ed and the gang reminded me tonight why they’re the only rock band to survive the ‘90’s. I’m sure I’m slighting someone but I don’t know of anyone else from that era that can still sell out arenas across the country.

Secondly, I got a text from Jason Kanter (who was in Austin, TX last night) before the concert saying, “Did you hear what happened last night?” No, what Kanter? “Eddie has the flu and had to leave after seven songs. Neil Young filled in.” Kanter had heard some DJ in Austin talking about it.

WHAT? No offense to Neil Young but I’m paying to see Pearl Jam, not Neil.

We scrambled around on the internet to see if we could find anything. Nothing. Turns out this was a concert in 1995 that the guy was talking about. Glad that DJ is on top of it. Anyway, thanks for scaring the crap out of me Kanter.

On to the concert…

There’s nothing like pre-partying in the privacy and relative economic safe haven of your own midtown, Manhattan apartment (thanks to Mr. David Levine) one block away from Madison Square Garden. While getting home was a bit of a pain (thank you 45 minute wait in the 33rd St. PATH station at 2:00 AM), I can’t say that getting to a concert has ever been easier.

First was a five-minute walk to the ferry from my front door. Then a 20 minute boat ride with only two other passengers as we cruised past the Statue of Liberty en route to Wall St. Another five minute walk past the NY Stock Exchange to the subway and then just four quick stops to my destination (midtown). For those of you out in Daisyville that might sound like a pain but for me it was just short of a magic carpet ride.

Anyway, let’s get to the fuckin’ music.

First song out of the gate, ‘Hard To Imagine’. Great song. Certainly was not one of my Top 10 going into this concert but it worked very well as the opener. Nothing like hearing 20K+ screaming “IT’S HAAAARD TO IMAGINE!!” Again, awesome song to open with and I would never have thought that would be the case!

The highlight of the opener was Dave Levine yelling, “FUCKIN’ PEARL JAM!!” as it cranked up.

By the way, it took me 20 minutes of frantic internet searching to figure out where the hell ‘Hard To Imagine’ came from, or rather, what album it was on. Turns out it was released along with ‘Lost Dogs’. Never would have guessed that I don’t think.

Next song, ‘Save You’ off of ‘Riot Act’. My one request to Dave heading into this show was, “Not too much Riot Act dude.”

Turns out, ‘Save You’ was perfectly acceptable behind the slightly slower-paced ‘Hard To Imagine’. No complaints thus far.

Here’s where the juices really got flowing. The familiar, pulsating drumbeat of ‘Why Go’ (off of Ten) started reverberating through Madison Square Garden and everyone started screaming. That’s the only way to describe it. That was the great thing about this particular concert, it was absolutely deafening at times, and I’m not talking about the band. The crowd was making MSG shake.

I would have to think it has something to do with where we sat (behind the stage) but I can’t think of a crowd that I’ve ever seen that made more noise. When PJ played “the hits”, you couldn’t even hear the band.

For me, ‘Why Go’ was epic. Nothing like hearing the crowd at MSG scream in unison…

“She’s been diagnosed, by some stupid FUCK, and Mommy agrees YEAH!”

Eddie then addressed the crowd for the first time. He assured us that “special arrangements” had been made so that they could play as long as they want. I don’t understand why it’s against the law to have a concert go past 11:00 PM at an indoor arena in the middle of NYC. Eleven o’clock at night in the heart of New York City is the equivalent of 8:15 PM anywhere else. It’s a cliché but this city really doesn’t sleep.

Our resident labor union expert Dave Levine would later explain to me that it’s the vendors and maintenance staff that actually institute that rule. Great. Glad the guy slinging hot dogs is maintaining curfew for the rest of us.

Ed also made the obvious comparison between playing the Garden and doing mushrooms. Ain’t that the truth brother? Huh?

“It’s like doing mushrooms, you remember it being fun, but it still feels weird.”

Right.

Next was your typical Eddie Vedder BS. Something called ‘All Night’ that he claimed they wrote 12 years ago or something. Face it folks, if you’re going to see the greats, you’re going to have to put up with some crap. These guys get bored too.

Next up was ‘Corduroy’. What can you say about the only song that has been played at every single PJ concert for more then a decade that hasn’t already been said? How about this? “Beer run?”

Don’t get me wrong, ‘Corduroy ‘ is one of my Top Five PJ songs. That’s a fact. I’ve probably heard it over 1,000 times at this point. Seriously. No need to defend myself.

Next up is probably the highlight of the concert for me. Off of my favorite post-Vs. album, ‘Yield’, it’s an absolute anthem in my mind, ‘Faithful’.

“We all believe, We all believe, yeah!”

Wow, what a song. Words can’t do it justice. It was at that moment that I remembered how special seeing Pearl Jam live really is. Sure you can buy the DVD’s and the concert CD’s. There is NO substitute for the real thing.

Eddie of course squeezed in some political rhetoric but frankly, I couldn’t make out much of it. I caught at least one whore-bag in the row in front of us giving Ed the finger. The crowd was interesting. You usually get some contingent of attendees at this concert that want the band to do just ‘Ten’ and ‘Vs.’. They are entitled to their opinion but I’m entitled to mine as well. These people are idiots and should not be allowed to walk the streets. Is that too harsh?

Following ‘Faithful’ it’s another mega-anthem…

“One, two, three, four, two three, I seeeem to recogniiize, your faaace!”

One of the great sing-alongs of my generation. Boy can the crowd belt out ‘Elderly Woman’. This time was no different.

“I just want to scream, HELLLOOOOOO!!”

That will never get old.

Next was ‘Down’. A song that technically was not on the ‘Riot Act’ album but was released right about the same time.

That was followed by more Vedder rhetoric that we could barely make out, and then ‘Unemployable’ off of their latest, ‘Pearl Jam’.

Other then the one time I saw PJ from the 7th row at Riverbend in Cincinnati, last night might have actually been the closest I’ve been to the stage in terms of straight line distance. While our view of the stage was not bad, the sound quality from the upper corner behind the stage was not great. The only benefit was that when the crowd was belting it out you really hear it. Although I’m not sure that wouldn’t be the same anywhere inside the arena.

Next was another gem off of ‘Yield’, ‘Given to Fly’. Another great song to sing along with. They always put the lights on the crowd for this one so you can see them/us “flying”.

“Arms wide open with the sea as his floor…”

I’ll be honest, the next three songs for me were called, ‘Bathroom’, ‘Beer Run’, and the always popular, ‘Smoke Break’. Unfortunately PJ didn’t stop the show for me. They just kept right on going, those selfish SOB’s. They countered my trifecta with ‘Who You Are’, ‘Whipping’ and ‘1/2 Full’. The associated albums are ‘No Code’, ‘Vitalogy’ and ‘Riot Act’ for those of you scoring at home.

They closed out the first set with ‘Evenflow’, ‘Present Tense’, Daughter’ and ‘Do the Evolution’. I would love to know how many times I’ve heard ‘Evenflow’ since 1992. Is it 1,000? Maybe 2,000? ‘Present Tense’ is an underrated sing-along that sounds great in concert. ‘Daughter’ did not feature any particular grand tag at the end which is fine with me. Eddie did manage to work a “Lets-go-Rangers!” chant in there though for the Madison Square Garden crowd.

That does it for the opening act. You knew there would be an encore, the question is how many and for how long?

The first encore featured ‘Love Reign O’er Me’ (2006 holiday album), ‘W.M.A’, ‘Leash’, ‘Spin the Black Circle’, ‘Wasted Reprise’ (Pearl Jam), and ‘Porch’. ‘Porch’ and ‘Leash’? Are fuckin’ kidding me!!?? The guitar solo during ‘Porch’ featured Eddie strutting around on the sides of the stage smoking a cigarette while McReady tore it up. ‘Leash’ was spectacular with the whole crowd chanting…

“DROP THE LEASH! DROP THE LEASH! GET OUT OF MY FUCKIN’ FACE!”

The end of the first encore brings us to my last beer run of the night. I stood in line for 15 minutes and watched the guy pouring $8 beers get pissed at a few guys for what reason I have no idea. Also, since when do you get to spill your beer then return to the front of the line to ask for a refill? Anyway, much to my chagrin the last beers were squeezed out of the tap when I was next in line. Cripes! No matter, not like I needed it at that point anyway.

Ed and company came back on stage for the second encore and gave us ‘No More’ (which I wouldn’t know if they walked in here and sang to my kitchen), ‘Crazy Mary’, ‘Comatose’ (Pearl Jam), ‘I Believe in Miracles’ and ‘Alive’.

There is nothing like 20K+ singing “No L-O-I-T-E-R-I-N-G allowed!” during ‘Crazy Mary’. That’s one of my absolute favorites.

‘I Believe in Miracles’ is a Ramones song. Before it was played Eddie explained to the audience that The Ramones never had the chance to play Madison Square Garden and then brought C.J. Ramone on stage to play along during ‘Miracles’. It wasn’t bad for a song I’d never heard and will never hear again.

Then we heard the familiar opening power chords of ‘Alive’ which will always be one of the great crowd pleasers of our generation. As was the theme throughout the concert, the crowd really got into it and practically drowned out the band while singing along.

Yes, there was a third encore. First the band punched out a blistering ‘All Along the Watchtower’ which is not one I’ve ever heard out of the Pearl Jam before.

And finally to wrap it all up, the Dave Levine special, ‘Indifference’. It’s easily one of the most underrated songs in the entire Pearl Jam catalog. “Disco Machine” Levine was calling for it all night along with ‘Release’. He didn’t get ‘Release’ and incorrectly identified ‘Indifference’ as ‘Release’ as it opened but we’ll take it. Yet another great song to sing-along with. I don’t care what anyone says, Pearl Jam is the best band on the planet.

I can still hear it…

I will hold the candle, till it burns up my arm
I'll keep takin' punches, until their will grows tired
Oh I will stare the sun down, until my eyes go blind
Hey I won't change direction, and I won't change my mind

how much difference does it make
how much difference does it make..
how much difference...

I'll swallow poison, until I grow immune
I will scream my lungs out till it fills this room

How much difference
How much difference
How much difference does it make
How much difference does it make...


Set 1
Hard To Imagine, Save You, Why Go, All Night, Corduroy, Faithfull, Elderly Woman Behind The Counter In A Small Town, Down, Unemployable, Given To Fly, Who You Are, Whipping, 1/2 Full, Even Flow, Present Tense, Daughter, Do The Evolution
Encore 1
Love Reign O'er Me, W.M.A., Leash, Spin The Black Circle, Wasted Reprise, Porch
Encore 2
No More, Crazy Mary, Comatose, I Believe In Miracles, Alive
Encore 3
All Along The Watchtower, Indifference

Otis?

And so it begins...

We'll see.